Let a crooked cop (who's shaking you down because he has so much dirt on you that could land you in prison for decades) run your shitty, money laundering front "media empire".

Marry a guy who looks like a bloated, retarded version of your brother's (then) radio show co-host

Freebase with your mother and other family members multiple times, then brag about it on the radio.

Try to hide the fact that you fell in love with a young transsexual boy, when there were mountains of auto and visual evidence.

Fondle your sister's breasts every time someone points a camera at you.

Sell nike stock right before they see a large increase in value

Decide “entertaining your audience” is complaining about black people playing basketball, on a basketball court; while on a cruise.

Do a bit on people getting fired and making apologies that drags out for months on end but still don't have the sense not to tweet about a confrontation with some black woman in Times Square

Like your brothers asshole while he's sleeping then convince it was just moths you stuffed in his pj's

Ask mother to dry you to school instead

Publicly state you're going to lose 40 pounds, say it's easy then gain 15 in two weeks

Take a seventeen year old bony coke-whore to your class reunion in the pathetic hope that your adult peers with real jobs and real wives would be envious and jealous.

Go on your nationally broadcast radio program and brag about masturbating to children's TV shows.

Go on social media to tell everyone you lose your breath while tying your shoes, gloat about the new diet you're starting, then gorge on ham cubes six times a day.

Be a massive faggot