An Army-educated former serviceman tells you "How to form a successful tribute band and quit your day job". They're booked for months and months to come! © Future Publishing Limited Quay House, The Ambury, Bath BA1 1UA. All rights reserved. England and Wales company registration number 2008885.

23  2019-08-23 by baffles_my_waffles

23 comments

1  Bakersfield__Chimp 2019-08-23

This article is so full of shit. Joey talks about quitting his 'day job' to do 2U, supporting his family only on 2U money and how successful it is. Bullshit, I say.

u/doxxer100 comment?

1  ants_ccw_permit 2019-08-23

He also claims all his bandmates were able to quit their jobs, despite frequently gloating that he was more dedicated than they were because they had jobs and obligations distracting them

1  baffles_my_waffles 2019-08-23

Are you both suggesting that an Army educated war hero like u/doxxer100 would lie about who he is and what he's done to appear cooler than he actually is? Like those brown folk with their diamond grilles?

1  Bakersfield__Chimp 2019-08-23

Joey is a profoundly stupid man.

He also boats about using a DIGITECH RP500 which, even in 2011, was garbage equipment. Claims he runs it through a Vox AC15 when I've seen him using a Vox Valvetronix. Fat boy just lies and lies, if not outright then through omission.

1  turk_december 2019-08-23

I read an interview he did where he claimed to have opened for "Shaggy". Of course this makes no sense until you find out that Joe uses a Bono impersonator who has a band called "Shag". Joe really thinks he's a clever liar.

1  ants_ccw_permit 2019-08-23

Lol. Jamaicans have a phrase "rich like shaggy" which is the ultimate level of wealth you could ever hope to achieve. A dude who had 2 hit songs 10+ years ago. But businessman joe cumia insists playing original music gets you nowhere.

1  TaumpyTearsxyz 2019-08-23

I find it necessary to point out Mr. Boombastic had 3 hot songs.

1  ants_ccw_permit 2019-08-23

Yeah there was also oh carolina but who's counting?

1  ellencakehorn 2019-08-23

he claimed to have opened for "Shaggy"

He meant his ass cheeks

1  ants_ccw_permit 2019-08-23

OMG

I like how the writer assumed joe had a job to quit in the first place and joe just went along with it

1  shickadantz 2019-08-23

Conveniently omitting that he actually makes his living by bilking his weak-willed brother out of 60k per year whereas his copy-band is merely an embarrassing and failed vanity project intended to satiate a cow-sized ego.

1  baffles_my_waffles 2019-08-23

Excuse me, I'll have you know that he is not "bilking his weak-willed brother", nor does he receive an "allowance" or live off "welfare" defined as:

1 social effort designed to promote the basic physical and material well-being of people in need.

2 financial support given to people in need.

You misunderstand because Joe survives off Anthony's PATRONAGE defined as:

 In the history of art, arts patronage refers to the support that kings, popes, and the wealthy have provided to artists such as ***musicians,*** painters, and sculptors.

You see, u/doxxer100 isn't a societal leech nor is Anthony enforcing a childhood blood oath. Anthony is a uhh… uhh full on... full on rapist You know Africans, dyslexics, children, all-beef kosher hotdogs, cows... that sorta thing.

1  Persianschlong 2019-08-23

Entirely self sufficient

1  thrillated 2019-08-23

and anybody can do it!

1  schmuckOnWheels 2019-08-23

"We run it like a military operation," says guitarist and band manager Joseph Cumia, who portrays The Edge in 2U. "In fact, I used to be in the service, so I know how to run a team."

The fucking balls on this guy. I hope the team he ran was responsible for cleaning the latrines.

1  baffles_my_waffles 2019-08-23

Aren't Army records public record and can't we get a Freedom of Information request or something to verify his claims? I am but a simple casual lurker who to reddit search Joseph Cumia when a sub shuts down. This might have already been done on prior ones I missed though.

And now I've learned about:

https://opienanthony.com/

and

http://opieandanthonyarchives.com/

as safe haven rally points so thanks for the lesson Joe!

1  ILoveYouJohnnyCakes 2019-08-23

He didn't run shit. He sat on his lazy, shiftless ass in a motorpool tinkering with radios for a couple years - stateside, during peacetime.

1  baffles_my_waffles 2019-08-23

So why didn't get just get a job at a car audio shop when he returned to citizen life? He probably served late 70s, early 80s during 8 tracks but before tapes and CDs. Anyone alive during that time could have seen that portable music was the future and could have opened a business in the nascent industry.

And it would have THRIVED. Joe, why didn't you do that? Leverage your prior skills in an emerging market and hump it for max two years before you could hire your own staff and reap the rewards of basically arbitrage?

1  McGowan9 2019-08-23

I used to be in the service, so I know how to run a team."

I can't imagine an SAS squadron leader or SEAL commander ever saying anything as remotely big-headed as this. The fact that a guy who scrambled eggs for a couple of months during probably the most peaceful decade in American foreign policy history said it is hilariously embarrassing. He is like a parody of a douchebag.

1  mvcv114 2019-08-23

The irony in the statement is he never had a day-job.

1  mvcv114 2019-08-23

Did any notice the picture of the giant Bull on his mixer? Must be a picture of his Big Apple Ranch lover.

1  suirogerg 2019-08-23

Look, there are good bands and there are bad bands, whether they're cover or original. A lot of original bands that people know by name probably won't last as long as we will. To me, the only stigma is if you're bad.

Nice gig at an empty library parking lot, Edge.

1  joemoomia 2019-08-23

It's so cute how he thinks he's a real musician and real entertainer despite being neither of those things. See also: son, brother, parent, friend, human.