Rogan’s A 50 Year Old Douche

40  2017-11-07 by SchumersStolenJokes

88 comments

Imagine being engrossed in cannabis culture aged 50, grow up old man.

im glad people in cali are too stoned to realize theyre being poisoned by radioactive fish and causing global warming on a larger scale than most countries do

He is like those gay guys who come out late in life and have a second adolescence. Thinking about it i think kevin spacy will take over richard simmons sweating to the oldies empire.

I don't dislike Rogan nearly as much as anyone here, and actually find him to be amongst the best/healthiest of celebrities. Having said that, he's a wanna-be. I definitely wouldn't call him a fraud on account of his actually pursuing his interests and showing some semblance of passion, but the dude is def. a try hard. He started smoking weed in his fucking 30's and only got into his massive amount of hobbies once he became rich/famous. He has the luxury of having a massive amount of success to finance his interests and an army of insecure, confused young man looking for an "alpha' father figure, so he gets away with playing the part of some enlightened digital philosophe.

Its clear he's a closet gay, all of his hobbies involve close contact with men, often in woods. He says he lost numerous girlfriend's by spending too much time at the "pool hall".

I hear this fucking idiot talk about hunting like he was just born to do it. He thinks buying all of the top equipment and flying to guided hunts makes him a big outdoorsmen. Where I live people hang their shitty blaze orange jackets outside the week before deer season, they get wasted the night before and then go into the woods hungover with old shotguns and hunting rifles and blast away at deer. They don't get the newest underarmour cammo and talk about hunting like it's some return to early man! He is a doucheboat

Yes, this is precisely what I meant. He's the rich kid who gets into paintballing for a few months and buys the top gear. Then gets into cars and buys a brand new high performance racing edition track car instead of buying and building an old Miata. He gets into hunting, and has the luxury of world class hunters taking him on what are essentially seed-feeding hunts. He's a weekend warrior yuppie playing Rambo. Which is fine by me, but he's constantly droning on about the essence of the culture that's not in his bones. He's like those trophy hunting fat business men who pay 100K to shoot a sleeping Lion at a game ranch.

What's wrong with enjoying the top equipment for your hobby if you have the money for it? You would be retarded not to do the same thing.

Nothing. I stated above, if I were Joe, and had his sources and time, I'd do the same. The issue people are taking with him here is he didn't learn the fundamentals or take his time with his passions, instead jumping manically from one hyper-macho subculture to the next without ever really understanding the basics of the trade. Watch his episode on Leno's garage. Jay is asking him basic questions and Joe starts quivering and giving half-assed answers to what any enthusiast should know. There's absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing interests and hobbies, and God knows, if given the opportunity I'd buy a Koenigsegg or Pagani instead of shopping in a scrapyard for a rustbox and restoring it myself. But it's the conviction he speaks with, as if he's some sort of authority on whatever fad he jumps onto which is frustrating and patronizing to people. He then hops on his tiny soapbox to wax poetical on recapturing masculinity and survival off the grid while he sleeps in his Calbasas-esque White suburban utopia.

You shouldn't take anything he says seriously, the guy got hit in the head for a living for 2 decades and now he smokes 20%+ THC alien grade California weed daily. I am convinced he would have serious trouble passing grade school math exams.

I watch JRE for the guests if they are worthwhile and shrug off anything Joe says as if he was a golden retriever who talks. It's better that way.

He did not compete professionally in any martial arts, he did karate and wrestling as a young kid and stopped around 19 or 20 and continued training as a hobby and personal interest specifically in BJJ.

I thought it was Tae Kwon Do he did in high school.

yea they are similar

He didn't even get hit in the head for 2 decades. He was a very high level TWD practitioner, all the respect in the world for him for that accomplishment, but he's always talking about his martial arts career as an amateur, and having possibly been exposed to CTE despite his professional record being 2-1 in kickboxing, all in the same night.

What? You don't want to go out with a bunch of hungover rednecks and blast away at deer with shitty rifles? You want to go on a guided hunt in the mountains stalking elk and shoot and antelope from 800 yards away with a high precision rifle?

What are you some kind of fag?

yea guys like Joe we would call "Cabelas" hunters, considering most of their gear was bought brand new out of a catalog.

as a young lad, i watched my father shoot/field dress/ and hang a buck while wearing nothing but snow boots, a bath robe, and tighty whiteys.

he's also had an outbreak of flesh eating bacteria on his face...twice.

and STILL has better skin than Anthony

Joe is not really that interested in hunting. He could buy elk by the ton with his money. What's really the underlying purpose of the trip is homosexual activity.

as a young lad, i watched my father shoot/field dress/ and hang a buck while wearing nothing but snow boots, a bath robe, and tighty whiteys. BRAHAHAHA nice. I once saw mine beat a Pakistani cabbie to a pulp on the Queensboro Bridge after he cut us off. You've got me beat.

your father was more of an "urban" hunter

He also strangled some Arab dude on an Iberia flight somewhere over the Atlantic once in the early 90's, after the guy kept reclining his seat back and bothering the stewardesses with demands.

Can you ask your dad if he'll adopt me?

He says he has enough faggot sons already.

lol

Unfortunately he dropped dead over a decade ago from a massive heart attack. He and I didn't like eachother, and he was a very flawed/angry man, but I understand the pain, frustration, isolation and rage he felt now that I'm older. He was a good man who did his best to provide for an too oft ungrateful family, in a world that resents proper men who stand on their own two feet. I miss him dearly, and visit his grave weekly now that I'm back in our homeland. Don't take shit for granted folks.

what were the repercussions?

He reached over the seat after the guy slammed his chair on my Dad's head as he was reaching for something under his seat, and starting chocking him. The guy got up, and out his hands up defensively, but my old man got him in the classic Homer choking Bart Simpson strangle. The passengers and flight attendants were obviously stunned, but this was pre 9/11 when people used to smoke and get fall down drunk on flights. The guy started crying, on account that my Dad was actually starting to kill him, the dude was going limp but eventually the flight attendant calmed him down. As stated above, the guy was harassing the stewardesses throughout the flight, and they being Paisanas of ours, were grateful for him. Moved us to different seats in the back somewhere near the bathroom I remember. I also remember the young hot stewardess flirting like crazy with him, but at the time I didn't understand seduction or any of that shit, I was in the second grade, and of course frightened to death. We landed in Madrid and went on our way for a collecting flight. The 90's were awesome.

they get wasted the night before and then go into the woods hungover with old shotguns and hunting rifles and blast away at deer.

these guys sound like real winners

Would you prefer that they drink some of Joes snake oil vitamin water? Yeah, they should be eating right and getting plenty of sleep before opening morning. Fucking, faggot.

I would prefer these cool drunk hungover neighbors of yours blasting away at deer with their old shotguns start a podcast about how to real men hunt, because they should much cooler than dumb Joe Rogan anyway

They just don't treat it like some hippy return to earth bullshit. It's deer hunting, people go out 3 weeks a year and pack their freezers full of venison for the year. It's not a fucking lifestyle like he way Joe treats it. He is literally the rich kid who decided he was a hunter and went out and got all of the expensive gear that no hunter needs.

....he lives in LA, where it's 70 degrees all year in a giant city. Of course going hunting is a trip for him. Not everyone lives in some backwood Northeast US suburb united with a fucking deer season in their backyard every november when it gets cold. When are your cool drunk neighbors who just don't give a fuck'starting their podcast?

To be fair, deer hunting is different than the hunts Joe goes on. It's easy to be hungover and blast a deer -- it doesn't require any tracking, knowledge or physical exertion.

you're absolutely right. any drunk moron can blast a doe or young buck in your backyard, but you've obviously never been trophy buck hunting...

anyhoo my father also bow hunts elk, ram, and mountain goat.

blasting a forkey from his front porch was more in line with grocery shopping than trophy hunting.

Right -- so when your dad does trophy hunting it's more like what Joe does and requires time and exertion.

Why did you just type that out to prove my point?

except we don't need guides, a camera crew, thousands of dollars worth of new gear, or even a step stool like Joe does.

So if Joe wants to continue living in LA and making millions annually, but enjoys hunting recreationally -- what should he do?

Quit stand-up comedy and move to Idaho and become familiar with a particular tract of land so he never needs to use a guide again?

there's plenty of BLM/Public land in northern Idaho. take a few days before season starts and scope out the area, see where your prey feeds in the morning and evenings, where they hole up during the day. get familiar with draws or cuts that can be used. and then on opening morning start actually hunting.

buying a guide usually grants you access to private land and hand fed prey. they already know the behavior patterns of the local wildlife, drive you to a blind or tree stand, then point at something to shoot.

Right -- and Rogan goes to public lands and has a knowledgeable friend show him the ideal spots.

Still not seeing how this is a problem, considering every weekend Rogan plays in the woods he's leaving a shit ton of touring money on the table.

If a guy likes taking a muscle car out on the weekends for fun, is he a piece of shit if he didn't construct the car himself?

he mat not be a "piece of shit" but he certainly isn't a "car guy" if he bought a fully restored classic car and couldn't jump start it without help.

Dude, I think your missing the point. No one here is angry/hateful of Joe for pursuing his hobbies. It's that he starts talking about the "spiritual" vision quest of it, as if it's some magical ethereal Godly experience. If Joe was some guy, who up and moved to Montana and built an off-grid compound like Ted Nugent, no one would be saying shit about it. He's a weekend warrior who fancies himself some sort of tribal hunter whose an authority on masculinity. Like when he tells everyone to do hardcore psychedelics and go on very dangerous ayahuasca trips, despite admitting the only drugs he's ever done are THC derivatives, a single hit of X, shrooms, and DMT a few times. He's an LA yuppie playing a character.

Oh god, you sound like Rogan here. He goes on Elk hunts with fucking guides. You can get an elk tag, put on cheap camo and scent cover from Wal-Mart and bag an elk on your own. He goes on these week long hunts because he is a rich guy who thinks it makes him interesting. I leave work at 3 during hunting season, go straight to the woods and sit for an hour and a half before it gets dark. It's not this huge deal that he makes it out to be.

You have any success? Now, that I'm sober and out in the wilderness and out of that concrete shitbox, I've been considering some hunting. I have a side-by-side shotgun, and a rifle, although, it's looked away and don't know what caliber it is. But It's currently boar season here, and I've been thinking of starting out.

I got a doe opening morning of bow season for the freezer. Haven't been out enough because of work. I don't know shit about hog hunting, I've only gone once when I was down in Florida and we didn't see shit. Ended up buying watermelons and just shooting them all day. Depending on what kind of rifle you have, that's what I would use for boar hunting. Your shotgun is probably meant more for birds.

yea, I went hunting with my redneck neighbor who lived a few houses down from us in Queens. He was from Appalachian upstate and had a lodge up there, but I was too young and stupid to appreciate what he was doing for us. I had an AR, but sold it once I moved to the city after spending a few years on LI, and always wanted to get into the sport, but felt like an asshole or didn't have the time and resources for it. I have the weapons in storage here, so have to see what make, caliber, etc to see what I'm working with.

You think the likelihood of getting an elk-- in a state you're not from-- is identical with a guide, or if you just throw on scent cover from Wal-Mart and drive from the airport to the woods?

If a millionaire wants to use a guide and isn't from a part of the country with Elk, I don't see how that's some major issue.

Where I live people hang their shitty blaze orange jackets outside the week before deer season, they get wasted the night before and then go into the woods hungover with old shotguns and hunting rifles and blast away at deer.

I would hope a container of coffee has its place somewhere in there too.

and?

Daily reminder of the stem cell and other various injections he gets is several hundreds of thousands a year.

Your average joe listener doesn't have the cash to fix that shoulder or ACL.

Or have the time and resources for custom made isolation tanks, Cryotherapy, International specialist doctors, HGH/TRT therapy, and the ability to sleep 10 hours a day. If I were Joe, I'd be in the same boat, but his minion of followers don't seem to understand this all, and Joe has surrounded himself with sycophants and Yes men, while living in some gated Ventura county community, far removed from his audience.

The average guy also isn't a 5' 2" man posting videos on the internet of himself struggling to use kettlebells that are just too heavy for him. So they'll probably never have any serious shoulder injuries.

haha.

You actually completely summed up Joe Rogan and his fan base..

"Dude... Weed. Seriously."

fucking LMAO

im glad people in cali are too stoned to realize theyre being poisoned by radioactive fish and causing global warming on a larger scale than most countries do

The air quality alone is suffocating them.

can confirm: lived in Cali my whole life. a couple times i've been in LA you can even see stars at night because of the smog. Northern Cali is nice, but from Sacramento all the way south has terrible air quality

The fish isn't really that dangerous to eat. Now whales on the other hand...

hes an infant

What are ya, 5 months?

He's certainly the size of one.

Even 14 year old me would find him embarrassing.

Suurree...

Not surprising someone who said America has evolved past democracy and just needs a tribunal of geniuses including Elon Musk to run the country would think this is cool.

Yeah being ruled by a politburo worked out so well for the Soviet Union.

TIL Joe Rogan is a fucking commie on top of everything else wrong with him.

I'm curious, what else don't you like about Rogan?

plus he hangs out with a bunch of grown-men faggots

I'll be sure to think of how environmentally conscious I am driving 4 hours from and to work in my Tesla in the middle of the winter, when most of our power comes from Polish coal-burning plants.

So satisfying to save our planetsniffs own farts

Never put Elon Musk and Rogan in the same sentence. What are you twelve?

Great "father" material here.

Gawd damn this is like listening to a bunch of catty bitches. Bet you'd all gush like teen girls if you met him then trash him after he left but not before he bought you all drinks and thanked you for coming to his show.

"this dude smokes weed..hes 50..he should be golfing or something fuck"

Rogan is a faggot

And you're a jealous hoe so what? Ya gonna suck his dick now? Lol

Spoken like a true faggot.

Aww baby mad? Cry for me baby. Please your tears are sooo sweet. Specially with Joe's cock in your mouth. You dirty girl you.🤣😂

your autism is showing.

Nice one baby keep talking dirty. Daddy likes his lil slut dirty. Gonna lick those tears off your cheek. mmmm, tell Rogan you love him. You should take the D out of your name and stick it back in your mouth you sad lil blue donkey.

You're almost as boring as joe rogan.

You know you love me bitch. I'm a stop messin with ya now. Good night brother. No hard feelings. Rogan rulez!!!

I don't know who you are just like everyone else you dumb faggot

Eor!! You lil cock gobbler come to your sisters rescue huh? Thats the point. Dont be angry cause i didnt spend time with you princess, Rogan still loves you too. Besides your tears are even sweeter the second time around. Mmmmmmm!

You sound retarded.

Eor, Eor, Eor. Quit while you're ahead, or just give Rogan some head. You'll never win sweetie. Cause I don't care. Who cares if Joe is gay? I know you don't really care. You just like to say, or type in this case, stupid shit cause you feel impotent in life. Grow up babygirl get mad at someone who deserves your angst like a politician, or the guy who lets his dog shit on your lawn. You're sad bro. I took the D out your name cause you don't deserve it as you have no dick or at least act like it. Earn it back man, earn it back.

So you like cock?

I like my cock in your mouth lil lady. How ya neen bubblegum lips?

All that merica and murrica bullshit was bone-chillingly cringey back when Bush was still in office. I have no idea how a population of people obsessed with fashion and gossip and food trends can latch onto such unfunny garbage for so long.

Fawk yeah!!!

People who romanticise smoking weed are gay. All day every day smoker here

I love how much he talked about how he "wasn't addicted to weed," and the SECOND Sober October ended, the dude smoked a half pound of fucking hash. The guy literally cannot function without pot.

Is his wife taller?

you mean beard

Why? He's 50 yes but he looks like he's 30 and built like it. There is no law stating you have to give up and die at a certain age. He isn't pulling a Louis J Gomez running around on a skateboard, and hey if you can do, do it. The hanging with guys thing well thats cause there aren't too many women looking to spend a week in the woods no bathroom mirror or social media. Maybe his wifi doesn't like him hanging out with chicks for that matter and he just doesn't want the hassle of an argument. That was the main reason i did what my wife asked of me, cause i like peace and tranquillity more than anything. Pick up the groceries and paint the room this weekend, no whining while i play videogames. If doing what you want to do and being a yoked fighting machine with a great sense of humor is gay? Sign me up, FRISCO!! Have a good one brother.

I watched Road House for the first time last night, and it wasn't the gayest movie ever like he's been saying for years. I was expecting a 2 hour version of the Dancing in the Street music video, but there wasn't really anything gay about it except Patrick Swayze taking his shirt off to fuck the hot chicks.

It's called a "midget complex". Lil' 5'4 Joey wants everyone to focus on anything other than he's the same height as the average American female.

I like weed too, but guys like Rogan annoy the shit out of me with their constant babbling about it. It cures everything, it solves all problems, blah blah blah. I know people just like him, they spend every waking hour sucking on their stupid vape pens like it's harmless fun, but take it away for even a day and they're unglued, totally falling apart. Meanwhile they judge everyone who does any other drug, like they're above it all.

"this dude smokes weed..hes 50..he should be golfing or something fuck"

Or have the time and resources for custom made isolation tanks, Cryotherapy, International specialist doctors, HGH/TRT therapy, and the ability to sleep 10 hours a day. If I were Joe, I'd be in the same boat, but his minion of followers don't seem to understand this all, and Joe has surrounded himself with sycophants and Yes men, while living in some gated Ventura county community, far removed from his audience.

The average guy also isn't a 5' 2" man posting videos on the internet of himself struggling to use kettlebells that are just too heavy for him. So they'll probably never have any serious shoulder injuries.

Nothing. I stated above, if I were Joe, and had his sources and time, I'd do the same. The issue people are taking with him here is he didn't learn the fundamentals or take his time with his passions, instead jumping manically from one hyper-macho subculture to the next without ever really understanding the basics of the trade. Watch his episode on Leno's garage. Jay is asking him basic questions and Joe starts quivering and giving half-assed answers to what any enthusiast should know. There's absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing interests and hobbies, and God knows, if given the opportunity I'd buy a Koenigsegg or Pagani instead of shopping in a scrapyard for a rustbox and restoring it myself. But it's the conviction he speaks with, as if he's some sort of authority on whatever fad he jumps onto which is frustrating and patronizing to people. He then hops on his tiny soapbox to wax poetical on recapturing masculinity and survival off the grid while he sleeps in his Calbasas-esque White suburban utopia.

He says he has enough faggot sons already.

Unfortunately he dropped dead over a decade ago from a massive heart attack. He and I didn't like eachother, and he was a very flawed/angry man, but I understand the pain, frustration, isolation and rage he felt now that I'm older. He was a good man who did his best to provide for an too oft ungrateful family, in a world that resents proper men who stand on their own two feet. I miss him dearly, and visit his grave weekly now that I'm back in our homeland. Don't take shit for granted folks.

there's plenty of BLM/Public land in northern Idaho. take a few days before season starts and scope out the area, see where your prey feeds in the morning and evenings, where they hole up during the day. get familiar with draws or cuts that can be used. and then on opening morning start actually hunting.

buying a guide usually grants you access to private land and hand fed prey. they already know the behavior patterns of the local wildlife, drive you to a blind or tree stand, then point at something to shoot.

What? You don't want to go out with a bunch of hungover rednecks and blast away at deer with shitty rifles? You want to go on a guided hunt in the mountains stalking elk and shoot and antelope from 800 yards away with a high precision rifle?

What are you some kind of fag?

Rogan is a faggot