What I do is I go ahead an I allow myself one half of a fifth of Canadian Club, and I go ahead and I mix that with Old English American malt liquor, ok, after that I know I’ll lose my appetite if I give myself the old go ahead to order up some cocaine, so I make sure to order a dominos 2 for 1 deal first. I drunkly devour a large pizza and half, whilst smooshing some of the remnants into the rug around me for good measure. Then I know I’m ready for the other half of the club. Once I’ve downed that i give myself the go ahead to grab a ball of that pure white. Then I’m high as a motherfucker. It’s time to play spin the wheel. Depending on which night it is and how I’m feeling I’ll determine what to top it off with . Will it be Xanax, will it be Valium, a little bit of Mdma, how about some crystal? Don’t tempt me. I wake up around 830PM the next night (depending on the outcome), then I start it all over again. I hear Mother stomping on the kitchen floor above trying to signify that she knows I’ve fallen off the wagon, I pay no heed. I spiral down and down into the deep abyss of bliss. Hopefully I die on a binge and she has to watch the paramedics wheel out my lifeless disappointment of a corpse. If it doesn’t happen soon I might have to make my co workers pay for calling me piggy tits and scolding me on Tuesdays. Tick Tok. Tick tok. Until then I have my only friends and they come in bottles and Bags. I love you, baby boys.
20 comments
1 RoliMosimann 2019-04-23
Mix it with bleach then
1 JansHammer 2019-04-23
Knob Creek.
1 unknowkid96 2019-04-23
Favorite one
1 OpiesInstantReplay 2019-04-23
Higher tier Woodford
1 nortonlovesnorway 2019-04-23
kentucky gentlemen, i doubt you can handle it punk.
1 unknowkid96 2019-04-23
I can barely handle my single about to puke now
1 MonsignorScurrility 2019-04-23
Turkey 101
1 zambonibill21 2019-04-23
Cyanide™
1 call_me_winston 2019-04-23
evan williams 1783
the official drink of suicidal alcoholics who say 'one more day with dignity'
1 Tippy_Toms_Shitlogs 2019-04-23
Elijah Craig
1 Dr-ButtertitsMcGilly 2019-04-23
Whistling pig
1 aprosbro 2019-04-23
Buy that Connor Mcgregor No Fear whiskey
1 TheRealJirnNorton 2019-04-23
Lord Calvert. Embrace the Lord and let his light shine upon you
1 SuperTubsPeterson 2019-04-23
Johnny Walker blue label has never let me down.
1 WuTang4Evaaaa 2019-04-23
Fuck that, lagavulin is better for half the price
1 WuTang4Evaaaa 2019-04-23
Get barrel strength if you want it to burn. Stagg if you can get it, bookers if you can’t
1 ElFaporino 2019-04-23
Old grandad
1 suirogerg 2019-04-23
Bookers?
1 timallenonacid 2019-04-23
What I do is I go ahead an I allow myself one half of a fifth of Canadian Club, and I go ahead and I mix that with Old English American malt liquor, ok, after that I know I’ll lose my appetite if I give myself the old go ahead to order up some cocaine, so I make sure to order a dominos 2 for 1 deal first. I drunkly devour a large pizza and half, whilst smooshing some of the remnants into the rug around me for good measure. Then I know I’m ready for the other half of the club. Once I’ve downed that i give myself the go ahead to grab a ball of that pure white. Then I’m high as a motherfucker. It’s time to play spin the wheel. Depending on which night it is and how I’m feeling I’ll determine what to top it off with . Will it be Xanax, will it be Valium, a little bit of Mdma, how about some crystal? Don’t tempt me. I wake up around 830PM the next night (depending on the outcome), then I start it all over again. I hear Mother stomping on the kitchen floor above trying to signify that she knows I’ve fallen off the wagon, I pay no heed. I spiral down and down into the deep abyss of bliss. Hopefully I die on a binge and she has to watch the paramedics wheel out my lifeless disappointment of a corpse. If it doesn’t happen soon I might have to make my co workers pay for calling me piggy tits and scolding me on Tuesdays. Tick Tok. Tick tok. Until then I have my only friends and they come in bottles and Bags. I love you, baby boys.
1 JoeCumiasFryingPan 2019-04-23
I suggest you drink it until you die