We recently booked an act known as the "James Hefner Solo Trio" for our Labor Day party. My boss wanted me to get a cover band, not of any one artist but "general classic rock that everyone knows", so this trio of musicians would be perfect.

On the day of the event, to our surprise, only one man shows up, claiming to be James Hefner but asking the check be made out to "Joseph Cumia". I asked him where the other two members of the trio were, if they'd be arriving late, and he assured me he was not a pedophile.

We had already booked the "trio", so we allowed this Mr. Hefner to perform. His singing voice was terrible, like listening to a drunk uncle do karaoke. The music was disorganized and messy. It's very clear some of these songs need three different people to play them to perfection, and a guy with a guitar simply isn't going to cut it.

It was midway through his rendition of "D'Yer Maker" when he stopped playing and screamed a bizarre rant at our Sales Associate Tyrone, who happens to be African-American. I've attached a video of this rant that an employee recorded on their phone, but a lot of time was spent sarcastically trying to get the white people in our company to turn on Tyrone because "Affirmative Action is holding back the white man".

At this point the scene became very uncomfortable, as my boss pulled the plug and had security escort Mr. Hefner off the premises. During this time Mr. Hefner proceeded to further yell racial things at Tyrone, while also demanding a platter of turkey sandwiches that we had catered for the event. To solve the situation, my boss surrendered the platter and Mr. Hefner finally left.

Hours later, I leave the venue and to my surprise, Mr. Hefner is sitting on the curb drinking cheap whiskey and making his way through the sandwiches. He asked if any employees wanted to join him for a turkey sandwich, and then started begging us that he needed money for more "guitars".

This morning, I've noted several new reviews on Yelp and other internet websites that appear to have been made by Mr. Hefner. One alleges we sold him the shittiest product ever that broke immediately and they wouldn't give me a refund 1 star. We are a holding company, not one that makes and manufactures any sort of goods, but one star Yelp reviews still hurt our business.

We have decided that the conditions of the stated contract were not met, therefore we will not be compensating Entertainment Unlimited for this "artist". Please ensure your artists meet the bare minimum requirements of professionalism as this was an embarrassment for anyone involved.

Please direct any further questions to [email protected]

• Donna