She learned the craft of comedy from Jim Norton's masterclass on how to be slightly less than average for decades.

Jim is a way below average

Slightly less than below average.

Shes an animal alright. A boar!

Bore* oh you meant the animal.

thanks for explaining it though my retard brain didn't get it

I deserve to be smashed.

No, it was great. What else ya got?

Fuck you, I still fucked all your mothers.

Oh literal Soriano!

Let's keep the criticism on point. She's a hot blonde and a dullard

HAAAAMBURGER!

Shucky Ducky quack quack!

That guy's gotta be dead by now, no?

Throwing up in Ubers at 3am? It's a tough one man. Is she a drinker?

Girls who throw up in Ubers at 3AM also tell all their friends the bartender was a dick for cutting them off

Probably food poisoning.

Hopefully alcohol poisoning

*cyanide poisoning

Does this animal drag its bare ass across the floor like a dog with worms?

my GF does that, it's called 'scooting'

Idk, but if she’s an animal then she needs to be tamed! Am I right ladies?!

Can she SAY that?!

I'm calling the police.

Dont use your garage door opener to call the police because of a hangover

She's so controversial yet so brave

This animal will bum rush you and eat your hands, face and genitals.

tss.

Incoming lecturing text from Norton.

Kelsey (taking Chad’s cock out of her mouth): “Oh hold on babe, this fag I’ve been stringing along who thinks he’s my dad wants to yell at me about my drinking.”

Her boyfriend's name isn't Chad!!! It's Kane.

The Undertaker's brother?

I thought he died in that fire all those years ago

He's alive.

That's crazy I hope he doesn't have supernatural fire powers.

You are not going to believe this but he can shoot lightning from his hands, for real.

I wish Kelsey's name was Katie Vick.

No it's a different one.

Oh.

Bah gawd!

No the citizen

Wow, her boyfriend is pretty far from a Chad

Do people lean on him to walk or sumthin

jim quick get her in rehab she needs help :(

her humor and jokes are on par with basically every other young slutty girl who frequents clubs and bars these days.

“oh I’m such a TRAINWRECK hehehehe I go out and DRINK. sometimes I THROW UP and wake up HUNGOVER”

it’s so unremarkable and basic. it really goes to show how easy it is to make it as a comic if you can just competently recite jokes in front of people and look fuckable.

I could make a career doing that

LADIES don't you just hate when you black out and your friends have to tell you the next day that you had sex with the bartender

*high-pitched whoo’s from the crowd

5 year development deal from NBC within the next six months

She meets a handsome passive man who accepts her for who she is and doesn't try to change her at all, and if she does change it's on HER terms.

you guys are making me laugh knowingly and making me mildly suicidal because stand up is such a sh** show these days

He said 'and look fuckable.'

All female comedy is the same and its the same basic crap in a facebook status, tweet, or tinder profile as it is on a stage. There is never a thought, idea, nothing funny is created. It is the same little drinking or dating quirky thing that happened to them while they were at the bar or on a date. Usually the funny part is that they used a modern word like Tinder or Uber.

There are funny chicks out there, but this super wave of generic female comedy that has blown up that Kelsey Cook is a to - a - T description of has basically killed comedy in general

I know an entire friend group of girls that glorify and brag about how they’re alcoholics. “Haha! Drinking by myself again! Oh well!”

You should fuck them.

are they from Mayfair?

Frankford and Cottman representing!

my nigger

Word Holmes

Those cunts are from precisely there, how did you know

because I used to know a girl through a job and “Haha! Drinking by myself again! Oh well!” read like every one of she snapchats. her and her friends would get all gussied up and troll the same few bars in that neighborhood every weekend.

That’s certainly annoying, but I appreciate them a lot more now. They get drunk and they suck a mean dick. That’s a rare thing these days

Sounds like this sub.

Unfunny girls I know would absolutely write something like this. Milquetoast.

"Spirit animal" might be one of the dumbest phrases ever created

It's right up there with "old soul" for meaningless cliches.

I remember when the most upvoted comment on a video of Bill Burr on the front page of Reddit, was "Bill Burr is my spirit animal". Fuck YUCK

Cultural appropriation of the once proud scalping, alcoholic, skin hut dwelling, non wheel invinting, no immune system having, savage nation.

alcoholic

I need to check my history but didn't the Native Americans culturally appropriate alcohol from the white man?

just imagine how much promotion and hype we’d have to deal with if her name was Kelsey Cohen

Or even worse, Amy Schumer.

Yeah she should really change it to Kelsey Kike to break into the mainstream.

reddit.com/r/punchablefaces

I don’t want to be mean, but I would be happy if her uterus fell out.

She probably would be, too.

It fell out because I hit it with my peckah too many times.

Is she supposed to be the hot new thing?

No. She's Jim Notron's opener, so while that in itself will get her nowhere, she can at least step on his pin-sized head as her career passes his by.

If she had a Youtube vid with 5 views, it'd be better than being Norton's opener.

I know someone already posted the it but she is 100% Maria Bamfords female comedian bit

https://youtu.be/CeCSKygKOQE

Had to look it up. This is hilarious.

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A garage door opener garage door opened me after the garage door opener. I garaged door opened the garage door opener that this garage door opener is not good with garage door openers and has garaged door opened in garage door openers at garage door opener am.

i just garage door opened

What a bland and pointless lie.

Throwing up her cock meat sandwiches

Chicks aren't funny. She should go to computer school.

Many women aren't good with technology. She should become a realtor.

Or a yoga instructor; that's like the waitress of the 21st century. Half the failed actresses from the 90s I Google these days have become yoga instructors.

Maybe them actresses should start acting like waitresses.

Are they good for anything?

What a crazy woman! I read this, and I was like, “I can’t EVEN!”

a woman without children is a knife without a handle

Isn't there a Morning Zoo somewhere that needs this sort of sass live on FM dial?

Is this a parody or is she really that dull and predictable? Why are women allowed in comedy?

She’s like one of those fake Will Ferrell accounts that were popular in 2012

...

Women are hilarious I don't know what you are talking about.

I’m really conflicted about Ms. Cook. On one hand, I want to fuck her. On the other hand, I want to yell at her and tell her how unfunny she is.

Imagine doing both simultaneously.

Do both

She's straight savage!

Kelsey if you are reading this please let me fuck you in the ass.

with a garage door opener

She was so hung over she tried paying for her Uber ride by throwing up garage door openers

My breasts and myyy vagiNAAAAAAAAAA

Tee hee my pussy stinks. Lol

Oh wait that’s a big Amy joke.

Comedians stink

How many actual animals are "good with kids," you moron?

Holy fucking shit that was godawful

I thought people like kinnison, Pryor, Carlin and dangerfield were funny.. boy was I wrong, nothing any of them have ever done is as funny as this!!

I want to rub her tits with olive oil

Hopefully alcohol poisoning

Fuck you, I still fucked all your mothers.