If they could make something funny across the pond, they wouldn't be here.

America made funny people. The UK made musical people. It evens out quite well.

Even handedness is for the Dutch. Take a position.

My position is me anus up.

Thoughts?

It's 2018, you need to ask?

We can be quite rude and tactless, actually.

Yeah as a Fleming I had a chuckle at that.

Well...you stole our music

Yeah... and made it better. You’re welcome.

our music

No, we stole black music and made Americans feel less awkward about buying it.

What musical instruments did blacks invent?

Unless you mean playing the bongos like a chimp-an-zee.

😂

Fuck off Colin

The digeridoo

Explaining a joke after it bombs always makes it better.

Thats the bit! You dope!

Let it go

Leave it alone.

Black music from America.

You'd struggle with the lyrics a bit without the English language...

If you're so good at music, how come you sing with American accents?

Not British, but:

The Office 15 Stories High Hot Fuzz Monty Python's Meaning of Life Blackadder Mr. Bean Keeping Up Appearances Spaced Shameless Fawlty Towers Four Lions Trainspotting I'm Alan Partridge The Thick of It More I'm definitely forgetting.

Spaced? The office? Dark place? Father Ted? Red dwarf? The young ones?

...cricktes...

American sports

Like bowling?

or americas favorite game, Snookers!

he he, what a COUNTRY!

They're big babies who need big numbers to make things fun. God forbid there's a 0-0 game

They (dumb Americans) need a score every 10 seconds or someone has to literal get paralysed on the field to keep there interest between outback steak house commercials..

That makes us sound pretty bad ass.

"Americans like entertaining sports" is basicaly what I gathered.

Its "their", not "there". Learn English you dumb fucking limey.

Football being gay doesn't change that soccer is also gay.

And when your country is the most powerful the world has ever seen as has as many aircraft carriers as the rest of you fags combined, you get privileges like renaming what others call football as soccer, naming a game that has nothing to do with feet football, and forcing everyone to use our dogshit units.

When your country is the most powerful the world has ever seen...

Vietnam's the size of California and populated by dirt-poor farmers in sandals and pyjamas. Remind me again who won that one?

Then there's North Korea, who you've been at war with since the 50s, and who still make it to your nightly news every time their leader farts.

On the other hand, if we're talking about the "most powerful country the world has ever seen", go look at India....and Pakistan, and Bangladesh; and understand that was once under the boot of the Brits, and at one point they killed off 2-3 times as many people as the holocaust through starvation, rather than miss their export targets.

"Most powerful" does not imply all powerful or can do anything we want. Vietnam is explained by guerilla warfare and being mindful of out international standing (they wouldn't like us nuking an entire country). Same applies to NK. None of your points countered that the US is the most powerful country the world has ever seen. Sweet strawman brah.

Vietnam is explained by guerilla warfare....

Like nobody in India used guerrilla warfare. Or Iraq.

and being mindful of out international standing..

The US doesn't give a fuck about their international standing, and never has. You guys invaded Iraq in 2003 against international opinion, invaded Vietnam against popular opinion, stayed out of WW2 until the Japanese forced you in, and pardoned Japanese and German war criminals after the war. That whole blockade of Cuba didn't exactly look good, either; not to mention the US' human rights record.

Your argument is a bit like saying New Zealand is the most powerful country the world has ever seen, and then coming up with excuses as to why they've never demonstrated that power. The fact is, if some tin-pot dictator threatened to nuke NZ, they'd run to the negotiating table - the same as the US has.

Which country is more powerful than the US is currently?

"Ever"

Maybe the US in 2018 isn't as powerful as Great Britain was 100 years ago (GB was relatively more powerful), in absolute terms we are the most powerful. GB 100 years ago, although relatively more powerful than the US, would get fucked in the face by our UAVs and nukes. In absolute power terms, the US reigns supreme.

...get fucked in the face by our UAVs and nukes...

One of the odd things about Americans is that they think bigger weapons win wars, despite all the evidence against it. You dropped more (and bigger) bombs on Vietnam than were dropped in all of World War 2 - so if getting there "firstest with the mostest" (as the general said) is what wins, why did you lose to guys armed with 1940s-era assault rifles?

So you admit that the US armed forces could take any army in past or present history, and thus the US is the most powerful country to ever exist?

Again with Vietnam with you.

No, I'm saying you're delusional.

Again with Vietnam with you.

How's the war in Afghanistan going, by the way? Have 16 years of nukes and UAVs finally beaten those pesky goat herders , armed with guns made out of water pipes and the occasional relic from the 1800s?

(PS if you could tapdance between "the US won't use its full military capabilities because it's about its international standing" and "the US refuses to declare war in Afghanistan as legally required to do under international law, despite worldwide political pressure" maybe with a pirouette around "the US has committed war crimes against Afghani prisoners", that'd be great)

No, I'm saying you're delusional.

So which country is more powerful than the US then?

So which country is more powerful than the US then?

Just based on track record, I'd say most of the third world.

Turn it around - who do you think the US could genuinely win a war against in a timely manner, by themselves?

Depends on your definition of win. Does planting a flag on a piece of radioactive glass because the the only living survivors are still huddled in a bunker somewhere count?

So nuking a country wouldn’t defeat it? That’s like saying the team with better players won’t win the Super Bowl. Of course nothing is guaranteed, but what’s the point of making that stupid fucking statement? Wouldn’t you rather have the better weapons, the better players, the better soldiers? I mean bigger bombs is a pretty good fucking starting point. Oh - and for the record, nukes have worked every time they’ve been tried.

Of course nothing is guaranteed, but what’s the point of making that stupid fucking statement?

You're both agreeing with the statement, and calling it stupid at the same time.

Bigger than the two we dropped on Japan?

I’m pretty sure when the US military went up against the VC/NVA we wiped the floor with those slants like 95% of the time. Even the famous Tet Offensive was beaten back so decisively by our military that the Vietnam general who ordered it was either executed or relieved of his command.

Vietnam didn’t ‘prove’ that America’s military might was less than godlike; it proved that there are some wars you just can’t win by bombing the shit out of your enemy.

But when it comes to bombing the shit out of enemies, we do it best. We still have bases in Afghanistan, and ISIS was only able to take hold in Iraq after we left. So we are learning our lesson, and applying that knowledge well.

Go ahead and test us, then. When our boys are kicking in your doors, and your forces have fewer guns than our civilians, you can cling to your cute story about keeping your boot on illiterate spice farmers a long time ago.

Anyone mention that the US have lost the last 5 wars they've been in?

The Irish fought you to a standstill.........There were areas of the UK where the Mighty British Army couldn't even set foot in up until 30 years ago for fear of being slaughtered..........See ''South Armagh''.

Jeremy Clarkson did a documentary with the BBC about the history of the PC, and it was the most incredible piece of nonsense I've ever seen. Not one mention of Intel, Xerox, Microsoft, Apple, or IBM. It went from Turing to Berners-Lee. They're not people.

Simon Frothington or Derek Withersbottom? Both are excellent; sort of like Hicks meets Stanhope.

Are these real names

No, just goofing on the Britards and their faggotyassed Anglo names. But I have agency to do that, as a dual citizen of both nations in this dispute with one of those sorts of names.

Clarkson's a notorious troll when it comes to anything American... like most British humour, it's too smart and goes right over your heads

I understand. The Suez Crisis was an absolute embarrassment for your country, so I do have some sympathy, especially for wistful, old drunks like Clarkson

How can americans understand embarrassment when they have no concept of shame?

It was an embarrassment for us too seeing as we sided with a bunch of dirty Muslims over our fellow Aryan stock.

Says the guy who set up shop at his computer for an american radio show. wow he really trolled us by leaving things out in his documenchree

He's not trying to be funny, like a lot of Brits hes acting superior and bitter towards us. Likely an interiority complex.

I did find Benny Hill too cerebral for my taste

Yeah...Mahmoud and Mohammed are known for their sense of humour.

If you're watching a documentary hosted by Jeremy Clarkson then I'm afraid the fault is yours.

His world war 2 ones were pretty cool.

The one about the SAS raid on the nazi dry dock was a pretty badass story. I personally enjoy clarkson as a presenter, you just have to know who he is and the amount of malarkey to expect coming out of him.

Yeah. Surprised there isn't a modern film about it. Its got a bit of everything.

His documentary about the ww2 dam raids was terrible. Didn't even mention that it killed thousand of civilians with no strategic effect.

Were they English? If not we don't care. There was a war on.

Yes but the point is that they spent a lot of resources, time and man power on killing a few civilians. It was a total failure in a strategic sense, but in good ole uk tradition they try to spin that loss in a victory.

Yes. We are great at celebrating losing. Or making best of a bad job. Dunkirk is a heartwarming tale of every day folk pulling sleeves up and saving lives when it reality it's us running away after losing a battle.

No didn't you see the movie? They were just eager to get home. There weren't even any Germans there! Also, it was only like what, 400 or 500 people

God that movie STUNK

Yep the movie is really disappointing and fails to get the story across really. Seems Americans who didn't grow up with the story liked it ( judging by reaction of people on here when I day its a bad film)

I'd love to chit chat but I am now off to the football. Have a train to catch and shall be having my first can at 8.30am.

Lucky you. I gotta drive to the post office first today before I can start boozing.

Jolly good.

Cheer up, luv.

"The British are coming, and it's delicious!"

“One if by land, two if bisexual.”

< "The British are coming, and it's delicious!"

YESSSSSSS GOD SAVE THE QUEEN.

Ok, I want one of you Brits to explain the Nickel defense to me.

Keep it in your pocket with your cents

Fawk yea, you are an honorary American now...not that you want to be.

We can’t. Similarly, you lot can’t explain calorie control.

Like the Brits aren't fat. You are just fat with more STDs.

Some of the UK is fat. Most of the USA is fat.

But your teeth are much worse. Or is that a stereotype?

Substantially worse.

Used to be true around WW2; then the expensive US medical system priced dentistry out of reach of many Americans.

Linda, comment?

Have another fish and chips faggot. We kicked your fucking ass.

I love how you’re taking credit like you’re somehow partly responsible for it, instead of being a person masturbating in their grandparents basement.

I actually masturbate in my mom's basement, sir!

Linda, comment?

Linda, comment?

Does it have something to do with a sticky wicket?

Something about a pedo paying off a cop with 5 cents.

Sure, I'll take that answer as well.

Half a dime defense nigga.

Throw some tea away, I heard they're not fond of that

we don't take kindly to East Indian Company goods in our ports!

historically accurate yuma.

Goad them enough that they throw out "hate speech", so they'll be arrested outright.

lol, i've been wanting to do this for a while

Have you?

if someone gives me an easy way to contact german and UK authorities i will do it within the next 5 minutes. i know of a few people who post here who could probably be put in jail

... you mean twitter? People legitimately get arrested off of twitter over there.

why not reddit too? serves them right for coming here

Call South African's Kaffirs and they lose their shit.

When the Titanic went down more British people died than people from any other country. Reason being is that part of their culture is "queing up". Or politely wait your turn in line and be as orderly as possible. Well when shit started breaking loose and the ship starts going down people started fending for their lives and jumping in the nearest life boat they could find. Most British people onboard formed orderly lines towards the lifeboats and were surpassed by others who just did what they had to do to survive. Reports from the ship manifest indicated that British folk had died at a rate dramatically higher than those from any other nation. One survivor tonight will be performing at the off the hook comedy club in naples florida richard vos. Historians note that British people had believed they would get lifeboats faster if they waited, is basically the fight or flight instinct being displayed. In the face of death these people were still peacefully waiting for a lifeboat. Myself i would find a big wardrobe door to float on and not share it with anyone. Only the selfish survive in that sort of event.

If you ever met Brits on a vacation, I can assure you, there's no queuing at the buffe

When the Titanic went down more British people died than people from any other country. Reason being is that part of their culture is "queing up".

Another reason being that the Titanic was a British ship departing from Britain.

America sports

I watched American NFL coverage once, and the two guys doing half time analysis were using chicken fingers as pointers(I swear I did not make that last part up)

Sam: I mean, what else would they be using?!

I love British people. Im glad you're here, if it helps.

Benedict Arnold motherfucker

Tss, yeah, Arnold SCHWARZENEGGER, right?

mini ME: What are you even talking about Chip nobody even mentioned Arnold Schwarzenegger?

....Tss.

From what i know british women are disgusting. Im not suprised there are a bunch of bloaks on here

I don't know why you're getting downvoted. They are chubby, loud, drunks caked in makeup and orange from trips to the "sun beds."

You just described snookie.

Actually i fucked an english girl on vacation in punta cana. He was pretty hot but im certain she was underage. She looked like elizabeth hurley

Giant bush tho

Welsh women had the most fucked up teeth I've seen, and I been to some reql shitholes.

They got Sophie Dee, I'll give them that. And Swansea.

I do like Rugby. I believe the Brits are fond of it as well.

Other than them slowly becoming the minority in their own region and it's going to suck. Poor blokes.

remember the Alamo you fucking frenchies!

We raped and pillaged your little island twice in history already, we will do it again, Allahu Ackbar!

-Scandinavian.

Raped as in stealing land.Normans thought English were so unworthy to breed with they fucked cousins instead

it will be like in Syria and Iraq.

Allahu Akbar vs Allahu Akbar

It’s a trap -Allahu Ackbar

We show up and take over, it's what we historically do.

*did

I've never laughed from a British comedian's joke except for maybe one or two from Gervais and Carr.

Funny just isn't in their genes. They try to be too clever and it's not good.

"'TIS A RIGHT TOUGH ONE, MY DEAR FELLOW. HARUMPH HARUMPH"

"Funny isn't in their genes" what absolute horse shit. American Comedy is heavily influenced by Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, Alan Partridge, The Office etc

Have you ever seen Brass Eye, Peep Show, I'm Alan Partridge, The Ali G Show, The League Of Gentleman, Bottom, Blackadder?

You uninformed philistine!

I was talking mainly about British standup, which is painfully unfunny.

You've never seen this guy I take it - https://youtu.be/Kzn_uDxW-Fc

I was being sarcastic, stupid.

Frankie Boyle.

Have you ever seen Brass Eye, Peep Show, I'm Alan Partridge, The Ali G Show, The League Of Gentleman, Bottom, Blackadder?

all overrated except Ali G, and he's a full blown purebred Ashkenazi

Your opinion stinks.

We told the Irish to do one when they begged for food during the potato famine and you think we aren't funny?

The funniest part was when the IRA blew up most of the English city centres and then Irish construction companies got the contracts to rebuild them....Like a double fuck you...now that's funny ya slimy little kike....Wasn't most of your family burnt allegedly and the World at large didn't give a fuck?

Even as a kid I felt like Monty Python was a big sham and everyone was pretending to find it funny cause it was the cool thing to do in the 70s, along with the british invasion music and all that. The vast majority of the shit is objectively unfunny.

That said, Brits can spew shit in such a joyous, hurtful way while just casually talking in a way that makes you think it's genetic.

Maybe they are also truckers.

Lorriers?

HGV drivers.

I'm a tucker

Next they're gonna say the United States is still a British colony.

Its the same old theme since 1916

I think we should unite and bond over our shared hatred of the French instead.

‘The British are coming dude!’

he stinks and i dont like em

The dingo's are next.

How long until they let all the dirty syrian refugees into this sub?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-3HEyR-c3M

I can't believe what they laugh at over there.

I can't tell if this is a joke. 99% of American Comedy is dogshit.

Even Chappelle is on the downward spiral.

Okay, Dave Smith

Which part do you disagree with?

I don't believe you think Chappelles latest 2 were better than his last 2.

Huh

I think it's good they're here. It'll help them get their minds off the fact that all of their women have been groomed into Muslim sex slaves

The redcoats have been muckin' up the works around here for quite some time. I say it's high time for a revolution.

Tally ho!

Bob's your uncle

Crumpets and tea

And all that other gay (British) shit.

I'm curious how this sub became a hangout for homo Brits.....

I thought I was pathetic because I listened to a "shock jock" show into my 30's....

You British cunts never heard O&A when they were actually good and relevant.... You just heard YouTube clips and think you can comment.

We fucked your ass and made you humble in 1776....

None of the British cunts on this sub know about Fez when Fez was Fez......

Don't ask me how to stop those British. I don't know anything.I am product of American education system. I also build poor-quality cars and inferior-style electronics.

Guys expect some good bantz from Tinsley-on-Tine or some such British shit hole.

I like to caravan at Berwick-upon-Tweed myself.

I really don't even notice. I look at the funny drama, or a dumb photo shop, I giggle, I move on. I thought that's what most people did here?

American sports?

Is that the tiny segments squeezed between endless fucking adverts?

I don't know how you put up with it

Adverts? Gay

Ask them to spell what Joe Cumia is and you can easily pick them out.

Can you use it in a sentence please?

That bloody sod is a kiddie fiddler!

I for one welcome our friends from across the pond. When, at some point in the next 50 years, the Muslims are done conquering Western Europe and anyone who values freedom/equality is fleeing for their lives, I believe the United States will welcome the few survivors with open arms. America has always benefited most from those fleeing oppression in Europe. I can't wait for the next wave.

Where’s that Richard dude from a couple years nack

If they say "at hospital" instead of the proper "at the hospital", they should be permabanned. The British ruin Britain and I dont want them ruining this sub.

The British are okay. It's the Canadians I'd like to see bulldozed into mass graves.

Where is Steven Knight for comment

We need to segregate. Can we start an /r/opieandanthonyEU for all the pasty mutants on here?

Fuck yall. Mighty boosh and black books is the funniest shit in years.

brits and australians in USA online communities really are just a redundant pain in the ass over 90% of the time

Especially need to watch out for those fucking Geordies and the Scouse.

Darren Till is coming to get us. He already killed a cowboy.

A lot of niggers in here too

Out! Out! Out!

Is it because of this? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/01/19/british-15-year-old-gained-access-intelligence-operations-afghanistan/

This twink has my respect, even with his inbred eyelid.

The worst thing about Brits is they constantly feel to mention they're British. I'm European too, but I don't constantly mention my country like a spastic.

How's that soccer going you british faggots? Play a real sport ya pussies. I know your men have no shoulders and low-t but man the fuck up.

What do you expect? They can't fuck any women over there because they're either ugly as sin or being raped by migrants. They can't go outside because they'll get run over by trucks of peace. They can't even post on their own websites because they'll get arrested.

Funny, though, that they can't even write honestly online in their country so they come here where they have free speech and brag about how superior they are.

Hello fellow Americans. Let's give those British wankers a firm arse-kicking. Then we can have tea and smoke some fags.

I know who Turing is dummy.

He was also a shitdick who did his PhD in New Jersey.

“One if by land, two if bisexual.”

Tss, yeah, Arnold SCHWARZENEGGER, right?

< "The British are coming, and it's delicious!"

YESSSSSSS GOD SAVE THE QUEEN.

Huh

Yes. We are great at celebrating losing. Or making best of a bad job. Dunkirk is a heartwarming tale of every day folk pulling sleeves up and saving lives when it reality it's us running away after losing a battle.

Maybe the US in 2018 isn't as powerful as Great Britain was 100 years ago (GB was relatively more powerful), in absolute terms we are the most powerful. GB 100 years ago, although relatively more powerful than the US, would get fucked in the face by our UAVs and nukes. In absolute power terms, the US reigns supreme.