One of my best memories is my dad waking me up at 3am drunk off his ass wanting to beat Super Mario Bros 3...or beat me and that's how I choose to remember it. Either way it was good times.
My parents split when I was 6 so honestly my only memories of my dad are him getting day drunk on weekends and wanting to play Super Mario. Then my mom would come home and yell at him like a total buzzkill because my sister's diaper hadnt been changed all day and she was making her way up the stair-case wearing her fisher price roller skates. Like jesus christ, chill out mom!
We went to high school together and got along well enough.
Anyway, this fucker is epileptic and some of Mario 3's levels caused him to have seizures -the worst of them being the stage you fight Bowser on.
When he comes around and inevitably starts teabagging everyone with his "I'll buy us drinks," and his "I'm giving everyone a nickname because I'm a dog owner and all of you are dogs," I say things back like "I can't wait to beat Super Mario 3... again... in a stobe-light filled room... and not be epileptic while doing it."
Jim walks into the studio dressed in all black with a wrinkled t shirt that hasn’t been washed in months. He barely speaks into the mic. During break, Sam asks what the problem is with Norton, whos hands are shaking.
Jim: i fuckin relapsed man..
That makes me imagine a picture of Jimmy looking like Chris Rock in New Jack City, when he relapsed , was crack smokin with the tears flowing.. and the pain on his face. Classic
He's a scared little guy who's been afraid of trying anything new his whole life and is finding out in middle age how horribly self-limited and uncreative he really is. Faggot is too kind.
No, OP is a fucking moron. Jim said he played Asteroids excessively because he was obsessed with getting good at the game- then he realized there was nothing to be gained in his life from being skilled at playing Asteroids, so he stopped. And that prevents him from getting into games today, he sees it as a waste of time. It's a very reasonable & adult perspective so of course this sub chucks a shitfit over it.
Rogan is actually understandable in his case. He was playing Quake like a full time job and spending $10k a month to do it. He has other interests and hobbies and moved on. Jim however is just a faggot through and through.
Has Joe ever said what his game name was back then, and if he was in any Quake clans? I played Quake on Gamespy for hours every day from 1999 - 2002 (in '01, I spent my freshman year student loan refund on a $1,500 PC and ultimately dropped out of college because I was playing it so much).
Creepy to think I might've been playing against that midget all that time.
Seems overkill. As long as your connection satisfies the basic bandwidth requirement, adding more bandwidth doesn't matter. What matters is latency, not necessarily how big the pipe is. If the T1 line is otherwise poor quality from a shitty company, you'd still see high ping.
I think I played on dsl back on the day and I saw pings on servers near me as low as 20.
Jim is worried that if he eats salted snacks that the "sugar" in the salt will keep him up all night and he'll start spending his nights playing video games instead of sleeping or working. He actually thinks there's sugar in salt in large quantities and the slightest imbalance in his diet will send waves of stimulants to his hummingbird heart and he'll be tweaking all night.
The things Jim makes himself believe is the most entertaining thing about him.
Jim is one of the very rare people that changed his eating habits & stuck to it & kept the weight off. When he decided to quit smoking he quit right away without relapsing. He strictly commits himself to his stand-up while also doing a morning radio show. As much as he claims this identity of an addict, he’s actually one of the most disciplined people I’ve ever seen in my life.
I've never really thought about it like that, but it's true. He's also been very diligent about not being influenced by other comedians, as evidenced by not taking in any entertainment since 1987.
He’s the farthest thing from a true addict. What kind of “addict” who’s almost 50, who got clean & sober in his late teens has never had one relapse in his entire life.
Even when people bring up the prostitutes & edging. He's never been arrested, he's never gone broke, he's never missed work. Seems like he's in control. He always talks about boundaries he's created (don't fuck co-workers, other comedians, his openers).
He's a disciplined man with some vices that haven't had negative enough consequences for him to but in the effort to quit. And he says he did quit the prostitutes atleast. So yea, he's a perv but he's not even a sex addict
You faggots will go back to downvoting anyone who talks shit about this unfunny radio zero/comedy failure. Remember, Jim Norton is a faggot and deserves to be broken.
It's fascinating to me how hateable these guys become once they stop being funny. It's like the humor was a cloaking device to how awful they actually are. when you take the humor out of being a funny asshole you become just an asshole.
Yeah what a faggot wanting to get things done with this life as opposed to playing video games.
You fucking losers find anything to make a thread about and to try to make your pathetic ass lives seem better in comparison to people you spend your days and nights listening to.
It's not about the video games, you dolt. It's about his excuses for not being able to do normal things. He acts like playing a video game or eating a slice of pizza once in a while will trigger a complete downfall of his life. Meanwhile he flies around the world paying to suck dick.
Did we listen to the same show? I think he was going there until Sam laughed at him and flat out asked him if he was addicted and Jim said no. He then rambled a bit about no matter how much he played he couldn't be as good as people who played all day.
It seemed playing Asteroids was not done for fun, but to be the best at something... still kinda sad that the little fella needed attention so badly at that age.
I can sympathize with this one. When I was 21 I could get drunk as fuck, sleep for four hours and make it to work the next day.
But when I played videogames I'd look at the clock, see that it was 6am, and "call in sick" to my job because I was that close to finishing the game.
The number one reason that I don't have a college degree is because I was playing Street Fighter II obsessively, literally driving around SoCal trying to find people who were in my league.
If any of you played at that comic shop in City of Industry, you've met me.
113 comments
13 yeahheymate 2018-01-08
I lost my father to super mario bros 3 so maybe think before making fun
8 ManiacalChrisBenoit 2018-01-08
One of my best memories is my dad waking me up at 3am drunk off his ass wanting to beat Super Mario Bros 3...or beat me and that's how I choose to remember it. Either way it was good times.
3 TedsEmporiumEmporium 2018-01-08
I have a good memory of my father selling the SNES I got for Christmas so he could buy cigarettes or some other bullshit. Fun times.
2 yeahheymate 2018-01-08
shocking to see how many respected intellectuals on this subreddit had a dysfunctional childhood.Whats next? drug/alcohol abuse?
1 [deleted] 2018-01-08
[deleted]
2 carribbeanjimmy 2018-01-08
My parents split when I was 6 so honestly my only memories of my dad are him getting day drunk on weekends and wanting to play Super Mario. Then my mom would come home and yell at him like a total buzzkill because my sister's diaper hadnt been changed all day and she was making her way up the stair-case wearing her fisher price roller skates. Like jesus christ, chill out mom!
1 deep_legal_shit 2018-01-08
where is that great dad now?
2 ihaveaholeinmyass 2018-01-08
Last seen shopping for a Vizio soundbar
1 Spokker 2018-01-08
He's on the beach writing messages in the sand.
1 deep_legal_shit 2018-01-08
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
1 killtheumpire 2018-01-08
vuuuury good
1 throwawizzlemahnizzl 2018-01-08
poor lil diaper itch sis
1 Ants_Oily_Hair 2018-01-08
Did all her shit go into her pussy?
1 onemancrimespree 2018-01-08
No wonder you ended up in the slammer
1 [deleted] 2018-01-08
[deleted]
1 sjeffiesjeff 2018-01-08
Did he fall off a train platform?
1 PrvtBlair 2018-01-08
I have this rich friend. Total prick.
We went to high school together and got along well enough.
Anyway, this fucker is epileptic and some of Mario 3's levels caused him to have seizures -the worst of them being the stage you fight Bowser on.
When he comes around and inevitably starts teabagging everyone with his "I'll buy us drinks," and his "I'm giving everyone a nickname because I'm a dog owner and all of you are dogs," I say things back like "I can't wait to beat Super Mario 3... again... in a stobe-light filled room... and not be epileptic while doing it."
Fuck that guy.
Love you Dan.
8 BigOpie 2018-01-08
Jim walks into the studio dressed in all black with a wrinkled t shirt that hasn’t been washed in months. He barely speaks into the mic. During break, Sam asks what the problem is with Norton, whos hands are shaking. Jim: i fuckin relapsed man..
Sam: Gta 5?
Jim: No. tear rolls down his cheek Asteroids.
2 --DC-- 2018-01-08
That jackass would just drive around in a Mr. Tasty, killing prostitutes and running over children.
1 senselessdegenerate 2018-01-08
Why run em over when you can be friends aheh aheh “get in the car I’ll buy you an ice cream... here it is hold the cone and start licking”
1 Audibledogfarts 2018-01-08
he tried Gta 4 and couldn't play it at all. he was awful.
1 Subliminal_Mind 2018-01-08
Great hypothetical story faggot
1 BigOpie 2018-01-08
Haha people downvoted your lame comment. Be more funny you ugly lil dick nerd
1 just_a_mean_person 2018-01-08
Easy with the curses pal! That's how you're gonna get us shut down.
1 Subliminal_Mind 2018-01-08
Keep up the fan fiction. Quality stuff
1 BigOpie 2018-01-08
Quiet nerd. Men are talking.
1 SuperTrucker76 2018-01-08
That makes me imagine a picture of Jimmy looking like Chris Rock in New Jack City, when he relapsed , was crack smokin with the tears flowing.. and the pain on his face. Classic
8 throwawizzlemahnizzl 2018-01-08
He's a scared little guy who's been afraid of trying anything new his whole life and is finding out in middle age how horribly self-limited and uncreative he really is. Faggot is too kind.
5 Yaseetheo 2018-01-08
Don't forget he also doesn't watch Seinfeld due to the bass line used.
1 Single_Action_Army 2018-01-08
What
2 AreYouDeaf 2018-01-08
DON'T FORGET HE ALSO DOESN'T WATCH SEINFELD DUE TO THE BASS LINE USED.
1 [deleted] 2018-01-08
[removed]
1 CokeFloatsInMaCup 2018-01-08
What
1 frrunkis 2018-01-08
yuck
4 DaleThePaleMale 2018-01-08
The fuck does he do with his day?
4 jtormeyx 2018-01-08
He edges most of his waking hours at home.
1 senselessdegenerate 2018-01-08
What are his waking hours angular or sumthin?
4 BigOpie 2018-01-08
Trannys and counting calories
3 customname34 2018-01-08
Is this something he seriously said? I can't even tell anymore where real stories end and the jokes begin.
1 noisimus 2018-01-08
Yes. He actually said this.
1 customname34 2018-01-08
They did just start another season of Intervention, maybe Jimmy can go to help for his excessive edging and other problems.
I think he's addicted to "being addicted"
1 Stennes 2018-01-08
No, OP is a fucking moron. Jim said he played Asteroids excessively because he was obsessed with getting good at the game- then he realized there was nothing to be gained in his life from being skilled at playing Asteroids, so he stopped. And that prevents him from getting into games today, he sees it as a waste of time. It's a very reasonable & adult perspective so of course this sub chucks a shitfit over it.
1 customname34 2018-01-08
That makes sense
3 HomestretchVigo 2018-01-08
Rogan also can never play video games because of his addiction to Quake. Comedians are really something else
8 Thomas_Daly 2018-01-08
Rogan is actually understandable in his case. He was playing Quake like a full time job and spending $10k a month to do it. He has other interests and hobbies and moved on. Jim however is just a faggot through and through.
3 Spokker 2018-01-08
How do you spend 10k a month? Games didn't have dlc back then.
4 BoardroomBimmy 2018-01-08
Well Joe is a very stupid man.
2 customname34 2018-01-08
If I remember correctly he had a business grade T1 line at his house that accounted for a lot of the money he spent.
1 corystereo 2018-01-08
Has Joe ever said what his game name was back then, and if he was in any Quake clans? I played Quake on Gamespy for hours every day from 1999 - 2002 (in '01, I spent my freshman year student loan refund on a $1,500 PC and ultimately dropped out of college because I was playing it so much).
Creepy to think I might've been playing against that midget all that time.
1 BoardroomBimmy 2018-01-08
XxxBadD00d69xxX
1 harriswill 2018-01-08
~^[PRAY]--ELK_CUM_JUDO68--^~
1 senselessdegenerate 2018-01-08
He got the most expensive internet connection possible to play Quake
1 Audibledogfarts 2018-01-08
how much is it to run his own server?
2 Spokker 2018-01-08
I know deadbeat stoners who ran servers and they sure as hell couldn't afford 10k a month.
1 HookerMouth82 2018-01-08
That's how much his T1 connection cost.
1 Spokker 2018-01-08
Seems overkill. As long as your connection satisfies the basic bandwidth requirement, adding more bandwidth doesn't matter. What matters is latency, not necessarily how big the pipe is. If the T1 line is otherwise poor quality from a shitty company, you'd still see high ping.
I think I played on dsl back on the day and I saw pings on servers near me as low as 20.
1 RealTonySchiavone 2018-01-08
It was like 1996, I'm sure some contractor just hoodwinked him when network money Joe told him what he wanted.
1 Fagghouli 2018-01-08
He paid for the pipes laid down in the ground. He lived off the grid but wanted internet to play Quake.
1 rahtin 2018-01-08
He spent over $25,000 to have a T1 line run to his house.
1 I_Booped_Your_Nose 2018-01-08
Wow 10k would make all my problems go away and this midget spent that a month playing a game?
1 Psych555 2018-01-08
You don't really believe that, do you?
1 ryanindayton 2018-01-08
I’m sure he was perfecting the jumping rail gun kill shot.
1 Flangirlamt 2018-01-08
Joe thought the problem was Quake but it's actually that he's retarded.
2 aceop 2018-01-08
Calling Rogan a comedian is pretty generous.
1 Roterodamus 2018-01-08
Last special is pretty damn funny. The rest of it is meh indeed.
3 AiCPearlJam 2018-01-08
Jim Norton is a comedian who makes 40 year old references and has no clue about current pop culture. He is a dull millionaire, almost aa dull as Opie.
2 JimNortonUnfunnyFag 2018-01-08
He never learned his trade, that stupid fuckin' cunt.
2 blackirishlad 2018-01-08
Jim is worried that if he eats salted snacks that the "sugar" in the salt will keep him up all night and he'll start spending his nights playing video games instead of sleeping or working. He actually thinks there's sugar in salt in large quantities and the slightest imbalance in his diet will send waves of stimulants to his hummingbird heart and he'll be tweaking all night.
The things Jim makes himself believe is the most entertaining thing about him.
1 Jungies 2018-01-08
It's almost like having Fez back.
2 xxmikekxx 2018-01-08
Jim is one of the very rare people that changed his eating habits & stuck to it & kept the weight off. When he decided to quit smoking he quit right away without relapsing. He strictly commits himself to his stand-up while also doing a morning radio show. As much as he claims this identity of an addict, he’s actually one of the most disciplined people I’ve ever seen in my life.
1 fokm 2018-01-08
Won't ever quit that tranny cock tho
1 shawkward 2018-01-08
Doesn't want to quit though.
1 RealTonySchiavone 2018-01-08
I've never really thought about it like that, but it's true. He's also been very diligent about not being influenced by other comedians, as evidenced by not taking in any entertainment since 1987.
1 d4n4n 2018-01-08
Or not taking on any of their attributes, like being funny.
1 Sicboy69 2018-01-08
He’s the farthest thing from a true addict. What kind of “addict” who’s almost 50, who got clean & sober in his late teens has never had one relapse in his entire life.
1 xxmikekxx 2018-01-08
Even when people bring up the prostitutes & edging. He's never been arrested, he's never gone broke, he's never missed work. Seems like he's in control. He always talks about boundaries he's created (don't fuck co-workers, other comedians, his openers).
He's a disciplined man with some vices that haven't had negative enough consequences for him to but in the effort to quit. And he says he did quit the prostitutes atleast. So yea, he's a perv but he's not even a sex addict
1 Sicboy69 2018-01-08
All true, Jim Norton is essentially a Boy Scout who shows no signs or patterns of behavior that prove otherwise.
1 123guyinhat 2018-01-08
Suppressing homosexual urges tends to strengthen one's fortitude.
1 cbanks420lol 2018-01-08
He takes PrEP because he can't stop having unprotected sex with mentally ill young men.
2 TenguBuranchi 2018-01-08
I nearly run over my firstborn when I heard that. What a minge this guy is
2 JohnJJohnsonMN 2018-01-08
Jimmy is just so fucking weird.
1 ProudOfYourBoy2 2018-01-08
You faggots will go back to downvoting anyone who talks shit about this unfunny radio zero/comedy failure. Remember, Jim Norton is a faggot and deserves to be broken.
1 dammitjenkins20cars 2018-01-08
Reminder: redbar is a far bigger faggot/radio zero/comedy failure than Jim Norton could ever hope to be.
And I don't even like him any more.
Remember, Mike David is a faggot and deserves to be broken.
1 Jungies 2018-01-08
More like "Ass-teroids", amiright?
1 deep_legal_shit 2018-01-08
he lacks the attention span and interest to follow modern culture so he creates excuses for why he doesn't to sound less like a self involved bore
same exact thing with his excuse for not watching other comics
1 NortheastPhilly 2018-01-08
He should seek help from recovering movie addict Patton Oswalt
1 RichHeads 2018-01-08
It's fascinating to me how hateable these guys become once they stop being funny. It's like the humor was a cloaking device to how awful they actually are. when you take the humor out of being a funny asshole you become just an asshole.
1 lemonmattress 2018-01-08
I've got an addictive personaaality
1 DeafandMutePenguin 2018-01-08
I still would like to see Lazlo cast Jim as a butler named Ramon in a future game.
1 VirtuaMcPolygon 2018-01-08
He had a bad case of the roids in 1982????
1 J-Bradley1 2018-01-08
"Jim Norton doesn't play video games because he was "addicted" to Asteroids in 1982"
That, no joke, may be the most pathetic thing I've ever heard a, "professional entertainer" ever say.
Please, tell me this is a joke.......
1 steezycheesefries 2018-01-08
I love how the second part of your post was so subconsciously stolen from yimis delivery . I read it in his voice . Cough couch hack
1 fo-da-fo-da-show 2018-01-08
Asteroids is a motherfucker...
1 satanssockpuppet 2018-01-08
If only he took the same approach re: she-penises.
1 SpaceVC 2018-01-08
Yeah what a faggot wanting to get things done with this life as opposed to playing video games.
You fucking losers find anything to make a thread about and to try to make your pathetic ass lives seem better in comparison to people you spend your days and nights listening to.
1 dave72988 2018-01-08
Says the guy posting on a message board about a radio show that hasn't existed for years
1 SpaceVC 2018-01-08
.... Good.... one?
1 DannyAndHisDinosaur 2018-01-08
It's not about the video games, you dolt. It's about his excuses for not being able to do normal things. He acts like playing a video game or eating a slice of pizza once in a while will trigger a complete downfall of his life. Meanwhile he flies around the world paying to suck dick.
But yeah, I love the kid.
1 Kalikhead 2018-01-08
Princess Alena gave him a good case of asteroids....
1 thebedshow 2018-01-08
I thought this was just a joke about how he got sober after a six pack of zima, but the fact that he actually said this is pretty pathetic.
1 ropieandranthory 2018-01-08
He can’t handle beer or asteroids but craving cocks in his mouth is just fine. Hypocrite
1 sickfuckinpuppies 2018-01-08
He doesn't play with vaginas because he shot out of one
1 TakesTheWrongSideGuy 2018-01-08
Jim will edge for 12 hours a day but won't play video games because he's addicted. lol
1 corystereo 2018-01-08
All right, I'm pretty sure he's just trolling us now. Seriously.
1 yvo4 2018-01-08
jim norton keeps setting new records for pretentious faggotry
1 cannotthinkatall 2018-01-08
Did we listen to the same show? I think he was going there until Sam laughed at him and flat out asked him if he was addicted and Jim said no. He then rambled a bit about no matter how much he played he couldn't be as good as people who played all day.
It seemed playing Asteroids was not done for fun, but to be the best at something... still kinda sad that the little fella needed attention so badly at that age.
1 satanssockpuppet 2018-01-08
Is anyone else picturing Young Jimmy sneaking around his parent's house, stealthily swiping quarters from his mom's purse to feed his vile habit?
1 Mcchiseslizzy 2018-01-08
Stop trying to change the subject
1 Not_My_Real_Acct_ 2018-01-08
I can sympathize with this one. When I was 21 I could get drunk as fuck, sleep for four hours and make it to work the next day.
But when I played videogames I'd look at the clock, see that it was 6am, and "call in sick" to my job because I was that close to finishing the game.
The number one reason that I don't have a college degree is because I was playing Street Fighter II obsessively, literally driving around SoCal trying to find people who were in my league.
If any of you played at that comic shop in City of Industry, you've met me.
1 danTHEdick 2018-01-08
Yeah, man that's a tough one...
1 WizardEric 2018-01-08
My dad has asteroids. Can’t even sit on the toilet some days.
1 Toughcrowdd 2018-01-08
Joe Rogan too, with DOOM. They both are gay in that respect
1 wicked_crayfish 2018-01-08
The man isn't an addict he is addicted stopping himself from being one.
1 joeroganpodcastfan 2018-01-08
jim would play those weird virtual world games on the pc and just flirt with tranny avatars
1 TacolasCage 2018-01-08
Seems he's addicted to getting AIDS.. Amiright guys? <high five>
1 The_Sharpie_Is_Black 2018-01-08
but he'll stare at his stupid fucking phone during an entire video, wont he? Hes gotta be on at all times to constantly tip his princess tokens
1 Billyassman 2018-01-08
More like A Dick'n for Ass Roids.
1 Single_Action_Army 2018-01-08
What
1 deep_legal_shit 2018-01-08
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
1 killtheumpire 2018-01-08
vuuuury good