Suddenly, Jimmy Kimmel Is Our Cronkite

9  2017-10-30 by OpieIsUnemployable

67 comments

What is it about having kids that turns you into a massive faggot?

It makes you care. That is, until you see an affordable yet not poor quality sound system from America's #1 sound bar company, Vizio

Sound quality should be a top 5 priority in every American male's life. Sometimes your offspring have to take one for the team.

I wouldn't die for anything less than a Bose. Kuhn fucked up.

He's still alive and kicking. And when he gets out in 10 to 15, he's got his eyes on a nice set of Harman Kardons.

Pardon me, I meant Kuhn Jr.
Dumb fuck shouldn't have gotten back in the car.

My favourite part was that he stopped to cover his license plate with his sweater. Like the fucking cameras didnt catch you coming in.

Or the store employees couldn't simply describe his hatchet-wound of a nose.

You're not wrong

Not affordable enough.

he already raised kids. So I don’t know why he cares about this kid.

Ratings.

hurr durr Drumf is low hanging fruit.

probably fucking your boys in the ass and liking it.

It's not kids, it's Hollywood. The more famous you get, the tighter you get pulled into the inner circle, then you really start buying into the group think. It's a cult. Look at Louie.

“I go to bed worried, and I wake up worried, and I honestly don’t know if things are going to be okay.” - are you jumping into occupied France? Or just waking up in your mansion and going to work making LOL soccer mom safe "fucking Matt Damon" bits?

What a phony. He just choose to bring more kids into this world. He can't be too worried.

Give him a break. Lil niggas heart sounds like cupheads gun https://youtu.be/pnEv-WgfjpA

Holy shit that is brutal haha

Didn't the guy just ask not to do this to him because he knew more Man Show clips would be posted on twitter?

"I mean, with the exception of one show that I declared a “No-Trump Tuesday,” there wasn’t one night of the year leading up to the election where we didn’t talk about politics."

You talked about him even when you didn't talk about him, you fucking bore. And you never talked about 'politics,' you talked about the presidential campaigns. And you only talked about one of them. Everything about this interview is infuriating.

He really is a gay faggot.

"I apologise for my biased news coverage, I am coming out as a gay man."

that's a great point, i don't think any of these people actually talk about politics. they never explore shit going on in congress or actual policies being put forward. like all media personalities it's reactions to headlines which are reactions to studies nobody took the time to actually read.

"how about this, have you heard about this? [reads huffpo headline] i mean isn't that crazy? this guy's crazy. but i guess that's what happens when crazy people vote. [bass lick, cymbal splash, applause.]"

Exactly. How many people do you know who would describe themselves as being 'into politics' could even tell you who their representatives are, let alone name a piece of legislation for the last 10 years. Media politics is literally 100% cultural commentary from the top down.

I wonder who is holding him hostage and how much CP is on his computer.

It is also interesting they seem to have given up on Colbert being their new Jon Stewart. You know your show sucks when the "tell kids they won't be getting Halloween candy" guy immediately gets declared to be more important than you despite doing 15 years of political comedy.

this is only because he has cried at least twice on air. he paid the cost to be the liberal boss: he blubbered like a bitch in front of america so now he gets to tell everyone what to be upset about.

Last I heard Colbert was number 1 in ratings. Unless Kimmel took the spot. In the end at least it's not Fallon who I once watched play giant beer pong with Pitbull

At least Fallon realizes that beer pong with celebrities is all the shows are good for.

Nothing worse than some pompous or unfunny 4 min interview with Harvey's latest cumdumpster.

Fallon just wants to drink on the job because he's a raving drunk.

I can spot my kind.

But he has a job...

I think the three are taking turns being #1 now since they're all about even. But Colbert used to be way ahead of Kimmel, so it looks like a lot of Fallon's audience watches Kimmel now.

The three late night hosts are splitting the audience of 10 million self-hating white people fairly evenly.

The second one of the networks puts a black host on one of those programs, he'll get ALL 10 million of the viewers who watch these retard shows.

Nice name pussy.

"Girls on Trampolines" yet now he is the moral voice of America. Jimmy Kimmel will do whatever they tell him to.

I thought he said he wasn't the moral voice when he didn't say anything about Weinstein? What a piece of shit

They only claim to be a comedian when they get called on their bullshit.

Don't forget his Karl Malone blackface.

Another faggot who thinks he plays a major role in the World. Reading the teleprompter for years really makes you delusional.

I'd like him to be our Peter Jennings real, real soon...

I was hoping for a Christine Chubbock reenactment.

Dark.

Lol at how hard that faggot interviewer was trying to get him to denounce the Man Show before giving up and moving on.

At least Greg Giraldo--a real fucking comedian--got him pretty good at a roast. He said he heard jimmy got appendicitis: "I didn't know you could get that from being overrated." Then the audience booed and he basically laughed at them for making Kimmel their sacred cow. That was 10 years ago, and Giraldo was always a left-leaning guy. I guess he just knew Kinmel was phony hack. Very prescient.

Giraldo also had the crack about Sarah Silverman's (Kimmel's girlfriend at the time) pussy getting dry around guys who couldn't help her in the business.

Perry Caravello was right to sue him.

They both share the same kind of delusion of grandeur.

7722 reseda blvd apt 102

Chili party

If my fucking manager sees 32 people outside by the pool with chili bowls I will BE IN TROUBLE!!!

There is no more prominent person in entertainment whose personal viewpoints on anything I have less of an interest in hearing.

Your Cronkite is nothing more than a Brian Williams. When will people not see the bullshit of today was the bullshit of yesterday... except people believed anything on the idiot box. Wake the fuck up.

I love every time Imus bashes Kimmel. His hate delights me. Kimmel lost as much character as he has weight.

It's never gonna change, maaaaaaaaaaan

I hope he pulls an R Budd Dwyer

Kimmels a good egg. Quit cucking for president cartman.

It has nothing to do with Trump, Kimmel is a giant fucking faggot hypocrite.

How is he a hypocrite? Cuz he wants kids to have healthcare and maybe disagrees with you about gun regulations? Omg what a leftist cuck right?

Are you typing like a retard on purpose?

I don't understand

you don't belong here. kimmel a good egg?

you're such a fag

Fight me...bitch

If this isnt proof having kids turns you into a huge pussy I dont know what is!

Jesus Christ, man. Pull yourself together. How embarrassing.

fuck him in his stupid smug asshole. bitchy little faggot.

He claims to be a WOP but there's definitely got to be some kike in there somewhere.

And I mean heritage, I'm not talking about Sara Silverman's thumb up his ass.

Also, he and Fallon were both born in Brooklyn to IBM Exec fathers. Coincidence? I wonder how much IBM spends in TV ads.

Hes Italian and jewish according to perry karamello

Throwing elite Hollywood parties at your house really does help out.

People act like the Trump administration is pulling citizens out of their homes and shooting them. These pussies would be in the fetal position if they were subject to real genocide or interment. Wanna know why America is great? Because I work 32 hours a week and still can have luxuries like a toilet, automobile, and a hot shower. Millionaire pussies.

How is he a hypocrite? Cuz he wants kids to have healthcare and maybe disagrees with you about gun regulations? Omg what a leftist cuck right?

The three late night hosts are splitting the audience of 10 million self-hating white people fairly evenly.

The second one of the networks puts a black host on one of those programs, he'll get ALL 10 million of the viewers who watch these retard shows.