Nothing will beat "What is it about salt water that kills you?"

SALT

Like what is water bro? Shinklebout it. like what is it? Serious pot talk man.

No one who has ever smoked weed thinks pot talk is something, never mind that conversation ring about what is water. Whata regard.

I remember when my friend and I were 13 and smoked a couple flakes of Salvia and told each other we were high. I'm sure that's an Opster move.

"Is Colin's book an actual coloring book?"

Anthony knew to use the sarcastic tone instead of "what are you, retarded?" tone, so as not to crack those Greggshells

Did Colin make a real coloring book?

I guarantee Colin (Colin Quinn) trashed opie off air after that incident

Can you imagine how many trashings Opie has received at the comic's table at The Cellar?

This was the one that got me.

"I uh, don't know how to respond to that question."

During Greg Giraldo's (R.I.P.) last appearance, when he was talking about freaking out and seeing robots in his hotel room, Opie asked if that was from drinking.

How fucking stupid mongoloid-retarded do you have to be to not only wonder that, but to actually voice that question?

Just someone who never drank or did drugs, but he will tell you he dabbled in some drugs. You know just a taste. Fuckin faggot.

ME: The Opester did some coke! I just forgot what it smelled like!

Severe alcoholics can hallucinate.

Congratulations.

Once when Neil Degrasse Tyson was in, someone trolled the instant feedback saying that Neil believes in a theory of aliens under the water. Opie being the utterly witless man that he is, asked Neil to elaborate on this theory. It was worse than when Vos called the Bermuda Triangle a "Twiangle" but of course nobody wanted to step on the Greggshells

Edit: I can't spell or form proper sentences

By the way, that was the only thing Opie contributed to the interview.

Opie literally didn't know how many states there were when they did the US citizenship test on-air, mainly because he didn't know "if they solved the Puerto Rico thing" yet.

What do you think happens to us when we die

Were you not listening?! I said that I will be dined on like I dine on the fauna now...

i got that, but i mean like that its? like cut to black? like the sopranos? death starts at your hair

You don't think he's a smart man or a good interviewer?

He's just a social cripple.

There's too many stupid Tits questions for the to be a clear cut winner. You have to enjoy the whole body of work, mantits and all.

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I love the shows where Opie only introduce guests then shut up.

You mean every show with a guest who has half a brain?

He earned his degree from restaurant placemats in Geneseo.

Damn, when Patrice said an ugly 19 year old is more attractive than a beautiful 35 year old...that seems like such an abstract observation to make, but any 30-somethings who work at or attend college (clears throat) know he's 100% dead on!

He was a fucking genius.

(clears throat)

If you ever fucking use italics to denote an active action verb again I will clear your trachea from your throat and fuck the hole I left.

strokes peckah

Are you trying to turn me on?

...'cause it's working. ;-)

That's one of those things that might sound profound, but is completely untrue when you test it with reality.

Jessica Alba is 35.

http://celebmafia.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/jessica-alba-braun-beauty-campaign-2016-2.jpg

There are a few stunners on this list (and one prized pig!):

http://www.ranker.com/list/famous-people-born-in-1981/reference

Patrice was talking out his ass on this one, or he was just trying out his Anthony impression. At best, the scale slides a point or two between those ages. Meaning, some people could say a 19-year-old 4 > a 35-year-old 6.

But even that I don't agree with.

Jessica Alba without makeup is pretty heinous. Money makes a big difference when it comes to beauty too. Broke 35 and rich 35; big gap in looks

I took it as younger girls have a different attitude then a 35 y/old but idk

This was the one that got me.

I guarantee Colin (Colin Quinn) trashed opie off air after that incident

He's just a social cripple.