We have two parties:

Joe Cumia: an unabashed lolcow in his purest, truest form. Who needs to hide behind an internet persona of being a badass biker, a great father, a military veteran, blah blah boring. Also entirely uncreative when it comes to original shit.

The sub: a diverse group of anonymous shits who nevertheless have to "succeed" by posting mean/funny content and getting internet uparrows. Also entirely willing to just stay anonymous with our stupid regular lives and not chase "the glory".

What compromises need to be made?

Joe Cumia: Admit most of what we say about you is true. Stop steering against the skid and steer into it. For this plan to succeed, this is the most important step, and I'm convinced you won't do it because you're too proud. You want the world to see you as the awesome badass. Humor comes from honesty, it comes from self-deprecation, it comes from someone being the butt of the joke and the butt of the joke is you, Joe. You can fight it or you can embrace it.

The sub: Put our talents together to help Joe Cumia, in the next chapter of his career. Oh I know that's rough, but hear me out: our goal is to make Joe more famous than Ant. Second rough outcome: we will no longer be able to cancel Joe's gigs, because in my pitch all his cards are on the table. If you've made it this far don't downvote me til you've read everything.

My pitch:

Joe Cumia: The Targeted Harassment Tour. We're booking comedy clubs (not restaurants), and Joe - it's up to you to use Ant or whatever comic friends you have (like your BFF Colin) to connect with club owners. It's the James Hefner Solo Trio setup - Joe playing all instruments, but every song has it's lyrics rewritten by someone on this sub to be trashing Joe Cumia. Substitute "ninja" and "maggot" for those two words that will surely pop up but Joe - nothing else changes. No softening of the horrible parodies this sub will write. Your audience needs to be able to go onto reddit and see these parodies are pure. If you wanna disqualify parodies based on "Layla" (which fuck, people would write), I understand, but you get to keep one topic off-limits. I think it should be your daughter.

I'm an ideas man, and there has never been a comedy show where a guy sings 100% song parodies entirely dedicated to shitting on the guy singing the songs. VH1 Storytellers style, you strum the guitar for a bit and explain what the song is about before launching into it. That's a million dollar idea Joe, something nobody has ever done, and such a brilliant pitch. You could on Netflix. And - coup de grace - you close each show with a song parody by you to us. Like a fucking roast, the last voice is Joe telling all of us we suck and "winning" over the audience.

As for the sub, two scenarios happen. 1. This plan fails and we get video of Joe singing horrible things about himself. 2. This plan succeeds, Joe becomes the more known brother, and the Cumia soap opera takes a grand turn.

tl;dr don't take adderall when you havent taken it for years