You dress like a retarded person who lives in a group home. Seriously, its embarrassing. Even when you are "dressed up," you look like a mannequin at a Target menswear factory outlet. And for Christ sake /u/patrickstomlinson, you are fat. You're. Fat. You're fat! You would look less fat if you bought clothes sized for your girth. Look, I know its not your fault because your wife is clearly a lesbian in need of her beard, so you don't have a woman in your life who will teach you how to dress like a man. This is something most men experience in the late teens and early twenties, they get girlfriends and those girlfriends are like, you dress like an idiot, wear these shoes and then I'll blow you. Sadly, you spent your twenties with a woman who neither loved, nor respected you and you missed out on this crucial bit of growth. So I don't know, man, maybe hire personal shopper, or befriend some gay dudes. Or don't, because at the end of the day, no amount of fashion advice will change the fact that you're also ugly as dog shit.