Pat's shit writing is shit, innit?

14  2019-09-27 by PatHatesHisDaughter

This is what a college dropout's shot at writing sci-fi looks like, children:

Diagnostic reports streamed in from its peripherals. Six panels of adaptive camouflage were damaged. Two were still drawing power, but had been cut off from the data network. Two burst capacitors were offline. The portside gamma ray detector was out of calibration. Structural frame members three, four, five, seven, and eight had been compromised. But most importantly, its primary omni-directional whisker laser gimbal mount was frozen in place and unable to track.

It had survived, but would need a major overhaul aboard Mother to be brought back up to optimum functionality. It began the procedure to bring its secondary whisker laser mount online so it could inform its siblings of the impact and its diminished capabilities. At the same time, it turned an eye towards inspecting the debris cloud left over from the impact. Something about the incident nagged at its logic and pattern-recognition software.

It knew exactly what it had lost in mass down to the gram, and knew the chemical makeup of its missing constituents. Armed with this information, it turned a spectrograph towards the expanding junk cloud and scanned the particulates. After accounting for all its own damage and removing it from the analysis, all that remained was approximately twenty-nine grams of an unknown tungsten alloy refined orders of magnitude beyond the purity of any naturally-occurring meteorite.

Source

11 comments

Looks like someone is a fan of Mr. Thesaurus šŸ˜‰šŸ˜‰

More like a child mimicking what they think sounds like science fiction.

trying really hard to so sound smart, while also being entirely uninteresting. also it sounds stupid fatty.

Like the "active scanning radar/lidar array". Active scanning is a flashlight that tells your enemies your exact position.

You can tell he labors over every single word. Writing and rewritihg each sentence over and over again. It's all so forced and there's no sense of flow or rhythm to it.

He's not interested in conveying a story to the reader and having it be an enjoyable experiance for them. All that matters to him is letting everyone know how much smarter than them he is.

There's a reason pro writers and editors harp on "purple prose." It's a fucking chore to get through. But you can' tell Patass that. He's always right.

Lol, he takes every chance imaginable to pad out his tedious drivel. Get to the point, stupid.

Tl;dr spaceship got damaged with lasers pew pew

He was also young.

optimum functionality

He writes like what he thinks "army guys" would talk like

The portside gamma ray detector was out of calibration, child

Iā€™m just glad structural frame members 1, 2, and 6 were ok