so put a price on it and have a sale. 100% off

Make it .49 cent and it would list for sure

At that price I'll buy a hundred

Be sure to include something clever, like a protagonist called Nickname Surname or similar. It also helps to shoehorn in your uneducated political opinions at the expense of plot too.

Style-wise just wing it by thinking "what if Hitchiker's Guide met...?" then fill in the blank with something banal and kooky sounding.

When you're done, don't forget to write a corny dedication to all the dreamers out there, but make sure it ends up being more about how you're a tough guy who has their six etc.

Marketing-wise, I really recommend Twitter - if you get a viral tweet with 200k retweets then follow it up with a pinned plug for your book, that plug can literally get 15 likes after a few days.

Best of luck kid! Having said that, I'm a completely talentless hack when it comes to the business, so take my advice with a pinch of salt.

Call the book 'Patrick S Tomlinson is fucking gay'

If it makes more than one sale a month it will have a higher ranking than Starship Creepo

I’ve written a few shitty books for free in my day