I’m not fat...I only threw my back out clipping fingernails. My second, better wife found me naked on the bathroom floor covered in them

18  2019-09-26 by PatricksWaterheadBro

15 comments

1  shickadantz 2019-09-26

This tubby piece of shit laid on the ground for 3 hours in a puddle of fat because he tweaked his back. But he’s a fitness expert, child.

1  Toss__Pot 2019-09-26

'actual tough guy' right there

1  RuizAndTheJeez 2019-09-26

I lift weights, children.

1  CruisinColin 2019-09-26

Things Jonathan (an actual tough guy) would never be caught doing

1  anallips 2019-09-26

What a fat fucking liar.

1  Mintwa 2019-09-26

I bet if we reverse word search that it will be someone else's story only probably something like "I stubbed my toe and my wife heard me yell while throwing my clippings in the trash."

1  JosefKWasArrested 2019-09-26

This didn't happen.

1  Thomas_Dairy 2019-09-26

Wide found me naked on the bathroom floor three hours later

Even when he lies, he depicts himself like an impotent little man baby. He can’t help but be an embarrassment.

1  mayomayomayomayomayo 2019-09-26

Was he clipping his nails with a garage door opener?

1  Ralph_Cifaretto 2019-09-26

Imagine being that wife. You walk into the bathroom to find a quivering, bloated skin sack on the floor, and you have to say to yourself, "this is the man I married."

1  CumpoundMedia 2019-09-26

She should have closed the bathroom door, turned on the gas in the oven and walked out of the house for the last time.

1  IGotATreeOnMyHouse85 2019-09-26

Runs marathons but got stuck on his back like a turtle on its shell. Peak physical condition, child. I bet his wife was upset finding him, she had hoped he finally killed himself. Almost freedom...

1  TacolasCage 2019-09-26

Report everything as harassment

1  mvcv114 2019-09-26

Nice marathon body, stupid.

1  MrMaloonigansBacon 2019-09-26

Totally happened