“So he invites child predators into his home where he stores illegal firearms and has a daughter?”

“Correct.”

“That’s his stepdaughter, right? The Crypt Keeper’s kid.”

“Correct.”

“Wait, how do you know any of this? You know the guy personally?”

“Oh god no. He routinely admits to it online. Photos and everything.”

“I don’t...”

“He’s a fucking moron is the thing. He plays in a cover band where he’s paid in fruit punch Gatorade and cold cut sandwiches.”

blank stares

“His mother was a crackhead who married a man who liked to piss on his children in the shower.”

“What the fuck are y—“

“When his brother’s predilection for children came to light his first inclination wasn’t to get him into treatment—“

“—Because the pedophile brother is the meal ticket.”

“Right. His first thought was to threaten people discussing Anthony’s grotesque behavior.”

imaginary friend of mine shakes head

“I know right?”

“No, it’s just this whole thing reminds me of horror stories I’ve heard coming out of Milwaukee recently.”