He is neither loved nor can he love anybody but himself.
Who could he dedicate this book too, especially when it likely features "transgender space crabs with strong opinions about intergalactic copyright" and comparable horseshit
A passage from his book that always stuck with me: "Because of my off-beat looks has caused people to believe I am stupid slow or retarded but I am the farthest thing from any of that."
“The ship battle scene was interesting but the captains constant sexual innuendos to his girlfriend’s young daughter (from ‘her previous relationship with a captain from a bigger ship John’ who he keeps comparing himself too positively) and repeated references to ‘how quickly she’s growing up’ in every other chapter made me a bit uncomfortable. What’s the point of including that stuff in a space adventure story?”
"I've got your six. And I'm really fucking cranky." Ernest Hemingway just threw up, shit himself and shot himself for a second time in his grave. Who writes this terribly and thinks he has talent. Effin' tool.
It also means you don’t have an editor who cares about you enough to stop you from using the most worthless clichés. “I’ve got your six” is one of the specific examples used often when teaching what not to write. I can’t believe someone couldn’t talk him out of using that in the dedication, or didn’t even try, and that he would even use it in the first place. Before you even get to the first page the book is ruined when, even in the dedication, the author comes off as a cringey windbag. I’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s corny and embarrassing.
I wish Pat would challenge one of us to fight him like Joe does. He is so delusional that I think he might actually agree to it. At least Joe knows deep down in his dimwitted cow mind that he has always been a major coward so he just ignores it when people accept his hollow challenges, but Pat Rotundlinson and his white saviour complex might actually encourage him to accept. I can only hope.
I bet he envisions some 12 year old girl reading this, slyly grinning and then running outside to not only play basketball with the boys... but to BEAT the boys.
Just before remembering that he’ll never have a daughter of his own to defy gender stereotypes followed by an abnormally large gulp of an overpriced IPA. Maybe a shot or two then hopefully a shotgun blast to the head.
It reads like he rolled over in a drunken stupor and just started scribbling nonsense on a napkin or something. This isn't profound, it's the ramblings of an egotistical idiot.
When you realize that there would never be any way you could convince him that this was really cringy and embarrassing, you start to understand you're dealing with a man who has completely lost touch with reality.
Even if (perhaps especially if) you actually served in the military, “I’ve got your six” is embarrassing. Let me guess: at some point, one of the characters, while in an unfamiliar place, says “we’re not in Kansas anymore.” And then he had to tag it with the cranky thing. He’s one of those writers that’s so full of himself he always goes one or two lines too long and ruins whatever humor or charm he might stumble in to.
After witnessing the foreign body burst through the chest of Strongfemale Lead, the curious elderly Qleefbrogian inquired to Diner Waitress #3556, "I'll have what she's having."
Patrick's a textbook case of something I don't even know the name for, but it's this quirky nerdy corny momma's boy emasculated reddit-punning manchild type of guy who basically never grew out of the "make mommy laugh by saying cutesy things" phase he was in when he was 6 or 7. The kind of guy who watched The Incredibles and when the mom's maternal instincts kick in because she sees her kids in danger and becomes a fierce kung-fu badass fighting machine and beats the bad guys, he yells "woooooo!" in the theater and claps above his head and looks around smiling at the other audience members. He's stuck in a state of perpetual boyhood. Every woman is his mommy who he must protect and please, and every man is either his daddy who he must respect and revere, or an evil bad man who wants to hurt mommy who he must fight. He looks at the world like it's a Pixar movie.
He’s managed to run the gamut from hallmark card, twee motivational horseshit to beaten to death, vietnam movie military cliches in one short dedication.
94 comments
1 opestersmammarydrip 2019-05-19
He's got your six, meanwhile several other men are giving his wife anything ranging from an 8 to 12.
What drives a man to such a low. How do you come to terms with your wife getting used like a shoe store sock.
1 late_50s_why 2019-05-19
He also got dudes at his six all day
1 OkaySeriouslyBro 2019-05-19
He's got my six-year-old, and he's not giving her back til she's been violated
1 Cawdor 2019-05-19
Oh Uncle Pat
1 NotAllCalifornians 2019-05-19
Is that his condition or yours?
1 InnocentChrisKuhn 2019-05-19
He is neither loved nor can he love anybody but himself.
Who could he dedicate this book too, especially when it likely features "transgender space crabs with strong opinions about intergalactic copyright" and comparable horseshit
1 JoeCumiaDotCom 2019-05-19
His new book comes out on Tuesday. I can't wait to see those hilariously low sales. Will make Nana's book look like a best seller in comparison.
1 DoubleAmputeeFetish 2019-05-19
Nana probably sold in the 1000s if not more. No way does Fatprick break 100 copies.
1 percykaramello 2019-05-19
Don't forget Bocchetti's masterful tomb of intellectual genius.
1 JerkStoreJ 2019-05-19
You should be in a tomb
1 percykaramello 2019-05-19
Nah, just throw me in the trash.
1 NickApleas 2019-05-19
His mother was a house.
1 padre- 2019-05-19
Does anyone have the link to the free version of it? I read a few pages and there was no grammar whatsoever. It was amazing
1 JoeCumiaDotCom 2019-05-19
A passage from his book that always stuck with me: "Because of my off-beat looks has caused people to believe I am stupid slow or retarded but I am the farthest thing from any of that."
1 WeWuzKangz 2019-05-19
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
1 marioncruise 2019-05-19
38 in the General Pedophilia cateogry.
1 scott__the__dick 2019-05-19
“The ship battle scene was interesting but the captains constant sexual innuendos to his girlfriend’s young daughter (from ‘her previous relationship with a captain from a bigger ship John’ who he keeps comparing himself too positively) and repeated references to ‘how quickly she’s growing up’ in every other chapter made me a bit uncomfortable. What’s the point of including that stuff in a space adventure story?”
1 2UsRoadie 2019-05-19
More like Starshit Doodoo
1 MrStealYourVape 2019-05-19
gay crashers
1 racemic_mixture 2019-05-19
He's the annoyingly unfunny lady at the office.
1 iWhoreSchortSchorts 2019-05-19
But with bigger tits.
1 ElFaporino 2019-05-19
she almost always has burger tits as well
1 fourStrokes1900 2019-05-19
eurgh
1 RinDawnSun 2019-05-19
"I've got your six. And I'm really fucking cranky." Ernest Hemingway just threw up, shit himself and shot himself for a second time in his grave. Who writes this terribly and thinks he has talent. Effin' tool.
1 Attonitus1 2019-05-19
Don't make me cranky, you wouldn't like me when I'm cranky.
1 scott__the__dick 2019-05-19
That’s not even a bad 80s action movie line. Even they wouldn’t touch that.
1 NotAllCalifornians 2019-05-19
That's my secret cap. I'm always cranky.
1 marioncruise 2019-05-19
I hope Patrick ends up like Hemingway.
1 PsychopathyRed 2019-05-19
"I've got your six" what the fuck does that even mean? Is this some white-person-adopting-black-person-speak bullshit that I'm not aware of?
He is so much worse than Joe, it's unbelievable.
1 DentureChomp1488 2019-05-19
Military jargon. Watch your six is look out behind you.
1 FlatlipsTLumpyson 2019-05-19
The closest he's ever been to the military is blowing the guy who gave him a roman war helmet.
1 percykaramello 2019-05-19
Sounds kinda gay.
1 GrandTefftAuto 2019-05-19
Blowing the gentlemen who gave him Zulu spears.
1 SuperToes845 2019-05-19
It means "I've got your back". Picture an enemy at 3 o'clock. Well, if I'm behind you, I've got your 6 (o'clock).
1 CommodorePawsey 2019-05-19
It also means you don’t have an editor who cares about you enough to stop you from using the most worthless clichés. “I’ve got your six” is one of the specific examples used often when teaching what not to write. I can’t believe someone couldn’t talk him out of using that in the dedication, or didn’t even try, and that he would even use it in the first place. Before you even get to the first page the book is ruined when, even in the dedication, the author comes off as a cringey windbag. I’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s corny and embarrassing.
1 SuperToes845 2019-05-19
He's a caricature. He tries so hard to come off as an intellectual and cool guy but he is cringe personified. It's mind-boggling that he even exists.
1 peckaface 2019-05-19
It means he wants to fuck your ass.
1 shickadantz 2019-05-19
I wish Pat would challenge one of us to fight him like Joe does. He is so delusional that I think he might actually agree to it. At least Joe knows deep down in his dimwitted cow mind that he has always been a major coward so he just ignores it when people accept his hollow challenges, but Pat Rotundlinson and his white saviour complex might actually encourage him to accept. I can only hope.
1 peckaface 2019-05-19
Pats the kinda guy who would challenge you to a fight, shoot you in the back once you kick his ass. Then claim it was self defense.
1 ants_ccw_permit 2019-05-19
Get them, children. Leave no one standing.
1 throwawawyy2 2019-05-19
In pats case you should omit the comma
1 stealthygeek 2019-05-19
I bet he envisions some 12 year old girl reading this, slyly grinning and then running outside to not only play basketball with the boys... but to BEAT the boys.
1 GinFoss 2019-05-19
I hate you just for saying that... but that's undoubtedly true. YUCK
1 LarryKleist711 2019-05-19
Are you using his banned Twitter name ironically?
1 iWhoreSchortSchorts 2019-05-19
Just before remembering that he’ll never have a daughter of his own to defy gender stereotypes followed by an abnormally large gulp of an overpriced IPA. Maybe a shot or two then hopefully a shotgun blast to the head.
1 EasilyForgotten1138 2019-05-19
He spends most of his free time envisioning 12 year old girls.
1 RealTonySchiavone 2019-05-19
He and Joe are cut from the same cloth. It's embarrassing how clever they think they are.
1 deep_legal_shit 2019-05-19
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOF
1 Terahite 2019-05-19
He said a bad word haha
Glad he is marketing this stuff to kids
1 IGotATreeOnMyHouse85 2019-05-19
What a tool!
1 BlackManMoan 2019-05-19
It reads like he rolled over in a drunken stupor and just started scribbling nonsense on a napkin or something. This isn't profound, it's the ramblings of an egotistical idiot.
1 GrandTefftAuto 2019-05-19
Flaming globes of Zigmund?
1 TheDarkFezRises 2019-05-19
When you realize that there would never be any way you could convince him that this was really cringy and embarrassing, you start to understand you're dealing with a man who has completely lost touch with reality.
1 CommodorePawsey 2019-05-19
Even if (perhaps especially if) you actually served in the military, “I’ve got your six” is embarrassing. Let me guess: at some point, one of the characters, while in an unfamiliar place, says “we’re not in Kansas anymore.” And then he had to tag it with the cranky thing. He’s one of those writers that’s so full of himself he always goes one or two lines too long and ruins whatever humor or charm he might stumble in to.
1 LarryKleist711 2019-05-19
Shoulda made a left turn at Albuquerque, nigga.
1 CommodorePawsey 2019-05-19
Albuquerque isn’t up ahead, man. It’s already here.
1 Attonitus1 2019-05-19
The Transgender Galactic Captain turned and muttered "I'm too old for this shit".
1 Pious_Midget 2019-05-19
After witnessing the foreign body burst through the chest of Strongfemale Lead, the curious elderly Qleefbrogian inquired to Diner Waitress #3556, "I'll have what she's having."
1 hariolus 2019-05-19
"I've got your six" wouldn't be nearly as cringey in the military as "I'm really fucking cranky." That baby talk is basically begging to get fragged.
1 deathbirdstories 2019-05-19
I'm really fucking cranky. ... Cause of being on my period.
1 Ant_Sucks 2019-05-19
He writes at a fourth grade level
1 percykaramello 2019-05-19
Kurt Vonnecunt.
1 SlamballReunionTour 2019-05-19
Cunt VonneGut
1 percykaramello 2019-05-19
Let's keep his beautiful wife out of this.
1 Magicmetalknight 2019-05-19
He’s not gonna dedicate it to the mother he hates, or the daughter he’s alienated from and banished from seeing
1 LamarThePotato 2019-05-19
A cheesy self-centered megalomaniac writes a book..
1 DominusOdium 2019-05-19
We need to get this trending on cringe subs, 4chan cringe threads, etc.
1 burlapsack69 2019-05-19
/lit/ would enjoy this guy.
1 SuperToes845 2019-05-19
Just doing my part..
1 diddlybooba 2019-05-19
Patrick's a textbook case of something I don't even know the name for, but it's this quirky nerdy corny momma's boy emasculated reddit-punning manchild type of guy who basically never grew out of the "make mommy laugh by saying cutesy things" phase he was in when he was 6 or 7. The kind of guy who watched The Incredibles and when the mom's maternal instincts kick in because she sees her kids in danger and becomes a fierce kung-fu badass fighting machine and beats the bad guys, he yells "woooooo!" in the theater and claps above his head and looks around smiling at the other audience members. He's stuck in a state of perpetual boyhood. Every woman is his mommy who he must protect and please, and every man is either his daddy who he must respect and revere, or an evil bad man who wants to hurt mommy who he must fight. He looks at the world like it's a Pixar movie.
1 knitro 2019-05-19
Succinctly put, soy boy.
1 JMueller2012 2019-05-19
An absolute faggot, more or less
1 ElFaporino 2019-05-19
thats the description of "A Diddlybooba"
1 MattyDrumm 2019-05-19
I've got your six....holy FUCK are you a fat faggot.
1 TitsAndPaycheck 2019-05-19
ewwww this shit belongs on r/iamverybadass
1 Flawless-Technique 2019-05-19
I'm embarrassed just reading that.
1 BASEDBLACKGAYMAN 2019-05-19
Nice overuse of 'all', stupid.
1 babysealclubber1 2019-05-19
the fucking faggit who hid behind others to yell at people protesting pedophilia has your 6..lol sure thing tuff guy.
1 GeneFrom2U 2019-05-19
This book is dedicated to Holligan's
I've got six of your brats living inside me
1 cro-magnon_sam 2019-05-19
Fucking yuck.
1 Ant_Sucks 2019-05-19
Before I clicked on this I thought how can a dedication be gay? You guys are exaggerating. No, that's pretty gay.
1 donald_kingsley 2019-05-19
He’s managed to run the gamut from hallmark card, twee motivational horseshit to beaten to death, vietnam movie military cliches in one short dedication.
Nice schizophrenic tonal shift, stupid.
1 UhLookHereMan 2019-05-19
every nerd fag thinks they're tough, it's very baffling
1 kingship75 2019-05-19
Ewww!
1 SomervilleDan 2019-05-19
Has he ever dedicated a book to his mother? I’m guessing not
1 SamRobertsUglyFaggot 2019-05-19
This is the writing of an asswipe 8th grader. There's no way this is real. You're lying. If this is real, I'm going to dig a hole and shit in it.
1 turquoise_jetson 2019-05-19
Hey man next time you post this homosexual pornography at least mark it NSFW
1 Phantas_Magorical 2019-05-19
Nice widows and orphans stupid
1 YangtzeRiverChina 2019-05-19
You know that thing in South Africa where people put a gasoline-soaked car tire around your neck and light it? I want to do that to this fucking clown
1 TheElDan 2019-05-19
Takes a true self-absorbed retard to make his fucking book dedication about himself.
1 twatto_time 2019-05-19
We should get an honorable mention. I mean, nobody would know who he was if it wasn't for us
1 im_not 2019-05-19
Or basically: "Sentences. So many sentences. Here comes some sentences for you. And I'm ending it with a sentence. And another sentence."
1 Fatty_Pneumonia 2019-05-19
Grandiose faggot.
1 frontbottombm 2019-05-19
This reads like a 17 year old's myspace page.