Doesn't go to 5 star restaurants because "there's nothing he can eat."

49  2019-07-18 by TR4UM4T1Z3D

30 comments

Can you imagine Jess making dinner for Sam and the kids? Their plates would be indistinguishable

That is probably the best part of her marriage. As long as she keeps the freezer stocked with microwaveable meals, she will have a happy husband and kids.

Seriously. Doesn't get much easier than that when it comes to dinner. Then just sneak out at night and have your boyfriend take you to a nice place to eat

How the fuck is Sam even married in the first place?

Dude is a stud

by Miocene standards

People that marry their highschool sweethearts are generally retarded and don't realize they can get someone better than who they thought was cool at 15. I can't imagine being married at 35 and having the same relationship "rules" that were established as teens.

No way on earth Sam could do better. Not possible. This was actually a smart move by him.

Oh I don’t know, I think he could find himself a nice Bonobo and settle down in a cave somewhere.

Eventually Sam’s kid is going to wonder why his Dad is still eating dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets at the age of 50

HA! Age 50! Good one

God can you imagine what that little creep will look like at 50

Probably like Clint Howard in Ice Cream Man

There's no age limit to eating dino nuggies brotherman. Only reason I don't eat them everyday is because the regular nuggies are cheaper!

They are called TENDIES , you fucking poser!

His body will be 25% rubber, as part of Tyson Chicken tradition.

“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t carry Tostino’s Pizza Rolls.”

In fairness, fuck high-end cuisine.

Finally someone stickin it to delicious food. It's been riding high for too long

Lmao 😂 usnername totally checks out!! 😂😂👍🏻 💀

Choke on a tendie

I hate sam.

i agree

If it was shaped like Mick Foleys cock he'd be devouring that shit.

Sam Roberts is ugly.

Hey, hey, take it down a notch. That’s not good natured fun

I think he eats all that processed shit because its soft and his retracted gay little jaw can chew it more easily. That profile is horrible. He looks like a Bob's Burgers character.

His second chin is more masculine than his actual chin

I'd like to see Gordon Ramsay soccer kick him right in the face.