You can literally look into the future and see his heart flopping the fuck out on him. You can’t power a human puerto rican hippopotamus’s body like that and not put pressure on the organ powering it all.
His friend was a fucking starfish! Those cats would take me Jelly fishing. Jelly fishing, Joe! They had this broad named Sandy who was a squirrel, Joe Rogan. She gave me the monkey in her house that was a fucking dome under the sea.. I swear to god.
I was fuckin strung out, Joe Rogan. I met this fuckin guy called Plankton. He told me he was trying to steal a fuckin hamburger recipe. Big bucks in burgers, he said. Don't I want a piece of the pie, he asked me. Man.. I was so fuckin strung out I would do ANYTHING for a fix. This cat chopped me up 3 lines of seacoke and I was on the fuckin moon. This character had me following a sponge around, Joe Rogan
I'm not really wishing death on the guy, but everyone has to die someday. So when he does I hope it's live on the JRE podcast because that shit is going to be hilarious.
JOE ROGAN! I swear ta fuckin Gawd, this man Leon, killed a young Gary oldman in front of me Joe Rogan. I didn't run away, but I had to go to work at my job in the Twin Towers, so I strolled away staring at him in the eye the entire time, and even flinched at him on the way out! He was tough, but I'm from the fuckin Bronx!
So I come back a week later wit Benny and legs to rob his place after seeing a nice 22 inch Samsung t.v., and ya gotta remember Joe Rogan, this was 2003, that wasn't a bad set, and definitely worth 20 minutes of work!
So as we're climbing up to the side of the building via the fire escape, I hear some screaming, and having fucked thousands of models and famous women, I can tell you right now those weren't screams of pleasure. As anyone would do, I throw my IPhone down the ladder, and tell the boys to call the police, because, y'know, I ain't no fucking snitch Joe Rogan!
And good thing I did Joe Rogan, come to find out old Leon was up there raping a 12 year old girl for about 3 months, teaching her about French cinema and making her do Marilyn Monroe impressions and shit. Thus- was sent to jail for a couple of weeks....
They Never did find out that he killed Gary Oldman, It was fucking crazy!
North Bergen Joe Rogan, summer of 78, I'll never forget it. I was sellin blow to this fuckin psychiatrist, and he has me over his house. I was casing the joint Joe, lookin for accessible entryways and shit. Cocksuckas ramblin on and on about how hes got this client that sees ghosts or some shit. Then it hits me, Joe Rogan, hes been dead the whole time. I been selling drugs to a fuckin ghost da whole time. You believe that shit?
36 comments
1 sprimusp 2019-07-07
You’re givin me some laughs today!
1 MacJInTheBay 2019-07-07
Fuck you, joe.
1 breewagoner 2019-07-07
Sweaty fat fuck
1 JoeCumiasFryingPan 2019-07-07
This guy's a real phlegm-phlagm man
1 Skyfryer 2019-07-07
You can literally look into the future and see his heart flopping the fuck out on him. You can’t power a human puerto rican hippopotamus’s body like that and not put pressure on the organ powering it all.
1 titbiggers 2019-07-07
phelgm*
1 JoeCumiasFryingPan 2019-07-07
Nice correction, stupdi
1 titbiggers 2019-07-07
If you don't know how a word is spelt when you're typing something on the internet it's very easy to google it, Flim ain't even close.
1 MacJInTheBay 2019-07-07
Way to miss the joke, faggot.
1 titbiggers 2019-07-07
joke was fine i didnt donwvote u nigger
1 JoeCumiasFryingPan 2019-07-07
You edited to correct your typo and you know it WHORE LIAR AND YOU KNOW IT
1 titbiggers 2019-07-07
I wouldn't lie, genuinely I would tell you if I did.
1 JoeCumiasFryingPan 2019-07-07
You remind me of the worm
1 TheElDan 2019-07-07
downvote*
1 Mod_Impersonator 2019-07-07
spelled* you fucking CUNT!
1 JoeCumiasFryingPan 2019-07-07
Easy, killer.
1 titbiggers 2019-07-07
I've been spending too much time with texans.
1 throwawawyy2 2019-07-07
I knew this guy in the 80s...joe i shit you not... Motherfucker lived in a pineapple and had pet snail.
1 Belchides 2019-07-07
A SNAIL Joe Rogan! Can you believe that, brother?
1 TR4UM4T1Z3D 2019-07-07
How bout you let me open for you on the road huh Joe Rogan?
1 GhostofRoeCumia 2019-07-07
His friend was a fucking starfish! Those cats would take me Jelly fishing. Jelly fishing, Joe! They had this broad named Sandy who was a squirrel, Joe Rogan. She gave me the monkey in her house that was a fucking dome under the sea.. I swear to god.
1 JoeCumiasFryingPan 2019-07-07
I was fuckin strung out, Joe Rogan. I met this fuckin guy called Plankton. He told me he was trying to steal a fuckin hamburger recipe. Big bucks in burgers, he said. Don't I want a piece of the pie, he asked me. Man.. I was so fuckin strung out I would do ANYTHING for a fix. This cat chopped me up 3 lines of seacoke and I was on the fuckin moon. This character had me following a sponge around, Joe Rogan
1 JoeCumiasFryingPan 2019-07-07
"flim"
1 TR4UM4T1Z3D 2019-07-07
I don't get the caption/picture, is he talking to Joe Rogan or the crowd as if they were Joe Rogan?
1 telemecanique 2019-07-07
I am 100% convinced he believes all his stories, he just strikes me as delusional
1 TheKingOfNeverLose 2019-07-07
Joe Rogan casually called him out on something stupid during his last podcast and Diaz basically acknowledged he was lying for comedic effect.
1 telemecanique 2019-07-07
now if only he was funny
1 Alfred_Hitchcuck 2019-07-07
What does 'that monkey' mean? Nia?
1 JoeCumiasFryingPan 2019-07-07
She had gums the size of air mattresses, Joe Rogan.
1 JoeCumiaDotCom 2019-07-07
I'm not really wishing death on the guy, but everyone has to die someday. So when he does I hope it's live on the JRE podcast because that shit is going to be hilarious.
1 throwawizzlemahnizzl 2019-07-07
I'm goin out like Tommy Cooper dawg it'll be fuckin tremendous joe rogan people not knowin what to do screamin for a DOCTAH
1 HurryupandReply 2019-07-07
JOE ROGAN! I swear ta fuckin Gawd, this man Leon, killed a young Gary oldman in front of me Joe Rogan. I didn't run away, but I had to go to work at my job in the Twin Towers, so I strolled away staring at him in the eye the entire time, and even flinched at him on the way out! He was tough, but I'm from the fuckin Bronx!
So I come back a week later wit Benny and legs to rob his place after seeing a nice 22 inch Samsung t.v., and ya gotta remember Joe Rogan, this was 2003, that wasn't a bad set, and definitely worth 20 minutes of work!
So as we're climbing up to the side of the building via the fire escape, I hear some screaming, and having fucked thousands of models and famous women, I can tell you right now those weren't screams of pleasure. As anyone would do, I throw my IPhone down the ladder, and tell the boys to call the police, because, y'know, I ain't no fucking snitch Joe Rogan! And good thing I did Joe Rogan, come to find out old Leon was up there raping a 12 year old girl for about 3 months, teaching her about French cinema and making her do Marilyn Monroe impressions and shit. Thus- was sent to jail for a couple of weeks....
They Never did find out that he killed Gary Oldman, It was fucking crazy!
1 throwawizzlemahnizzl 2019-07-07
Imagine how shitty this joke was before the edit.
1 HurryupandReply 2019-07-07
Imagine assuming someone edited their pointless shitpost because it's what you'd do...
Didn't really care that much bud...
1 sgtpepper5987 2019-07-07
Lol if you don't take everything he says as fact he is entertaining for a while. You guys think he is lying? You guys don't think he is honest?
1 NickGerz42069 2019-07-07
North Bergen Joe Rogan, summer of 78, I'll never forget it. I was sellin blow to this fuckin psychiatrist, and he has me over his house. I was casing the joint Joe, lookin for accessible entryways and shit. Cocksuckas ramblin on and on about how hes got this client that sees ghosts or some shit. Then it hits me, Joe Rogan, hes been dead the whole time. I been selling drugs to a fuckin ghost da whole time. You believe that shit?