Long Island: cesspit of insecure, narcissistic, entitled cry baby boomer fags who pretend to want to fight everyone over nothing

7  2019-06-07 by RamonFrunkis

TL;DR Maybe /u/Doxxer100 isn't to blame for being a self-assured, aggressive retard? He grew up in the violent, economically depressed suburban slums of New York where puffing out chests like a Bustard is considered appropriate problem-solving because civilized discourse and the universalisms of "keep your hands to yourself," "if you don't have anything nice to say...", and "respect women" were not a feature of their broken, substance abusing home?

Took the Long Island Railroad out to LI for business this morning with my colleague, an adorable, tiny 24-year old girl. Waiting to transfer at Jamaica, old man (late 60s probably) shoves his way in front of her and sits in the "group" 6 seater area, next to some cholo who's talking on his phone the whole time, instead of the 2 or 3 seaters that singles should sit in.

We sit on the other side, chatting quietly so as not to be rude, with our bags on the middle seat. Guy has long legs, I'm 6'3" with a 38" inseam. If I don't cross my legs at the ankle, our knees are literally touching because his feet are extended basically under my seat. It's crazy uncomfortable so I turn sideways to talk to her. Accidentally knock knees a couple times and say, "sorry" but I'm not going to be obsequious because he's sitting like a cunt.

Cholo gets off, I go to move to his seat, and boomer fag picks his feet up in an attempt to purposefully trip me. I say, "Sir, your transit etiquette is abysmal. Why would you try to purposefully trip me as I'm moving to make things more comfortable?"

Dude LOSES HIS FUCKING MIND and starts SCREAMING on the crowded train that I was kicking him the entire time and mumbling instead of apologizing. I said had he not shoved his way in front of a tiny woman to selfishly sit in the group seating area as a single rider, we all would have been more comfortably seated «cue: a couple "aww HELL NAW"'s from the colored commentators».

He keeps going on and on that if I didn't like it, we could "take it outside on the next platform."

Fucking. Ded.

I roll my eyes and say "I'm not committing senicide today," and, flustered by a high school vocab word, he starts in with the "back in my day/respect your elders" nonsense, and I retort, "well these days, we don't push around women to get the best seat because we feel like it."

As we approach our stop, I say, "Happy belated anniversary. TYFYS at Omaha Beach."

Dude was still throwing a temper tantrum as we walked off the train. clutching his box of Italian confections. We've been laughing about it all day and my colleague has been incredibly appreciative of "defending her against the entitled, bitter old man".

So, thank you, old man. I might get laid from all this.

20 comments

1  ants_ccw_permit 2019-06-07

You have a big tasty dick & I want it

1  Sueable 2019-06-07

We need to talk..

1  ants_ccw_permit 2019-06-07

Stop cockblocking me

1  RamonFrunkis 2019-06-07

The invite from two years ago still stands.

1  ants_ccw_permit 2019-06-07

Srsly that thing is 5/5 cat heart eye emojis

1  RamonFrunkis 2019-06-07

Well it's officially back on the market although there are four competing bids at this moment.

1  ants_ccw_permit 2019-06-07

I'm going out w a wyt boy tonight 😐 I'm not gonna fuck him tho

1  RamonFrunkis 2019-06-07

Hit me up later then when you're all worked up.

I was hoping to catch Joe but htat ain't happening. So I'm doing the responsible thing and going to my buddy's "Rooftop Wine Tasting to celebrate my baby's first month!" Sounds like some Indian nonsense to me, but I probably will be worked up too.

1  DigitechLooper 2019-06-07

Niki, Carol, Sue, and Jimmy?

1  RamonFrunkis 2019-06-07

Also, because you never replied back to my texts /u/Doxxer100 asking where your 7pm show was tonight, I made plans back in Brooklyn. Shame, because I toooootally expected you to tell me where you were playing tonight and DEFINITELY did not expect you to shit your pants, cowering with the knowledge I'd be in this Brookville shit hole.

1  iPadsFromPizzaFace 2019-06-07

If you really wanted to impress her you would have thrown him onto the train tracks, pussy

1  OkaySeriouslyBro 2019-06-07

Would you get offended if I posted this on r/thathappened?

From "Sir, your transit etiquette is abysmal" to the blacks on the train screaming AWW HELL NAW to and I'm probably gonna fuck a hot 24 year old because I was so awesome I really think I can get some of that karma.

1  RamonFrunkis 2019-06-07

Well mostly importantly, wouldn't that bring undue attention here while we're trying to stay incognito-ish? And encourage brigading which is FORBIDDEN by reddit unless they hate your sub?

But do whatever you want. I know it actually happened so I don't give a shit what others think about it. I shared it here because most brothermen don't know Long Island (including me who grew up in NJ), and I didn't appreciate how much impact growing up in such a blighted area could have on someone's personality.

I was legitimately shocked by this because NYC people are Chaotic Neutral: just gtfo out of my way so I can do my thing because there are 8 million of us trying to do our thing. This guy was Chaotic Evil: FUCK YOU, FUCK EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT IT, HOW I EXPECT IT BECAUSE I LIVE IN THE SUBURBS SO EVERYTHING SHOULD GO MY WAY.

To be clear though: I don't actually think I'm going to sleep with a coworker :

  • I really only included that line and her age to make a "Anthony sleeps with children" joke at the end. But her being a tiny woman was relevant to the story.

  • It's a stupid job move

  • I have authority over her and I'm not going to get MeToo'd

And I didn't say they were screaming aww HELL naw but since when have you known those women to keep a social observation or thought to themselves? At one point I called him "sir" but it did revert to "dude" pretty quickly when I realized that politeness wasn't going to work.

1  OkaySeriouslyBro 2019-06-07

I assure you, everywhere in the world, people are picking fights on public transportation.

In what city in America do you think the buses and trains are filled to the brim with polite, respectable people? Atlanta? Houston? Chicago?

Anytime you ride a train or bus, you're mad, because you could be driving there, listening to the radio, stopping at a gas station to pee and get a red bull, but instead you're cramped in counting down the stops til you can get off.

1  RamonFrunkis 2019-06-07

I rode NJ Transit at peak rush hour into NYC every day for a year as well as Academy, PATH, and MTA. The only actual fights I've ever seen are late at night when everyone is piss drunk because during the day, most people just want to get to work. Even on 99% packed subways I haven't seen people get pissed if someone accidentally touches them, even in like BedStuy. I've been on the MARTHA in Atlanta and the L in Chicago (granted, not too far from the city centres) but the craziest thing that happened was a brotha-man asked me for $10,000.

I was going against the commute, offpeak heading into Long Island at like 8 am. It was more crowded than I expected but not packed.. plenty of middle seats available in the 3-seaters just no one wants to do it. Being packed into a standing subway is way more stressful being crammed in counting stops.

There is something about Long Island that makes people cunts. Last time I came out here, I walked towards the train board to read the departing schedule. Some guy purposefully bumped into me and keeps walking. He turns around because of course, and I just gave him the "disappointed Mom/tut tut/smh" face because he didn't apologize. This angered the insecure little man, and although I had ear buds in I could still him in a raised voice going "DO SOMETHING PUSSY, DO SOMETHING". I made the "just keep walking" fingers with an emotionless face and eventually he walked away. Because when you're dealing with an angry youth, steely response is the way to go.

1  OkaySeriouslyBro 2019-06-07

Talking shit about Long Island when you're from Jersey? Dude I rode the LIRR for years and never had some crazy old man flip out at me.

Can't compare it to the PATH train, because I never rode the PATH train. Not once. I've driven through New Jersey, driven to Six Flags. But get on a train where the destination in Jersey? Never in my entire life.

1  RamonFrunkis 2019-06-07

Well that's your loss because not only are Morris, Hunterdon, Essex, and Warren among the wealthiest counties in the country, they're absolutely gorgeous with rolling hills, mountains, and lakes.

Long Island seems like a labyrinthine web of highways, and interstates with never-ending traffic, rows of strip malls, body shops, truck depots, construction yards, and rusted out industrial parks, fetid ponds, zero geographic and the retards who work there. Unlike New Jersey, where the majority of people only see the Northeast part of the Turnpike by Port Elizabeth and Newark Airport.

I'm sure the waterfront is lovely and obviously the Hamptons and Montauk are, but everything I've seen between the Northern and Southern State Parkways is a geographically homogeneous shit hole.

1  suirogerg 2019-06-07

I only have one thing for you, sir: 😎😎

1  AlanSmithee23 2019-06-07

The LIRR just stinks.

I’ve lived on Long Island for the past 14 years and I think I’ve used the LIRR less then 10x.

It’s expensive and it’s run horribly.

I drive everywhere or I just park to Queens and just hop on the subway.

1  RamonFrunkis 2019-06-07

The first time I took it, the train must have been the last one from the 1970s with fucking CLOTH seats held together with duct tape. The toilet looked like something I wouldn't let a bum piss in. It smelled HORRIBLE, rickety everything needing a WD-40 bath. And the average rider looked basically like Bobo/Big A mutant or those "working stiff" heavily accented New Yorker guys who we all knew from high school who looked just.. "off". Hard to verbalize other than "vaguely sociopathic looking for a reason to get into a fight". And the girls all looked like complete trash.

I'm happy to report I've since ridden modern, vinyl un-taped cushions, A/C, etc. But the ridership has remained ostensibly the same. Although I have seen several moderately attractive females. But are mostly in the Carol Maxenheimer/hard pass range (smelly looking overweight 3-5's).