I was visiting family in Milwaukee and was surprised to see Patrick S Tomlinson using public transport (the bus) to travel to Hooligans, which happened to be on the route. His heavy set wife Niki was with him. They both looked at their phones and occasionally silently spoke to each other. I had headphones on so I couldn't hear what they were discussing.

However, suddenly, a noise loud enough to pierce my noise cancelling earphones rang out from Pats direction.

BRAAAAAAAP

Patrick looked around in surprise, whilst Niki grimaced and leaned forward

BRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPP

She let out another earth shattering fart. I could feel the vibration in my seat as she let it rip.

I sharply inhaled, as Nikis vile assgas began to fill the bus. It had an oaky flavor of rotten eggs and a cheesy, shit gas kind of smell.

Patrick spoke up to the other bus passengers, most of whom were staring at Niki in horror

"She just ate empenadas, child. don't act so shocked." Patrick said condescendingly whilst shooting a hateful look at an old man with VIETNAM VET. The old man diverted his gaze down to the bus floor. He had pain in his eyes. He was wrinkled and old, worn from hard work and time. He had a faded scar on the side of his neck, I assume a wound he brought back from the war. He just looked depressed, and hung his head in sadness. Patrick glared at him and continued to mean mug him.

suddenly he turned to me

"And thats my fucking fart gas, child. Go ahead and savor what you got, because you'll never get with a hog of this caliber you incel degenerate" he said through clinched teeth. Niki shot me a brief look before staring out the window.

"Excuse me?" I said back to Patrick, legitimately perplexed as to why he was being so hostile

"I said, thats the only taste you're going to get. So fuck off douche muppet" Patrick bitterly replied

"What are you talking about?" I replied, feigning ignorance

"You know what? You owe me $20 just for smelling her fart. Those empanadas weren't free."

I was dumbfounded. "Sir she released that gas in a public space"

"Yes" Patrick angrily spit out "And you should have asked before smelling it"

"So you're saying I need your permission to breathe?" I replied

"Yes, child" Pat answered smugly

Suddenly a black man in a suit carrying a breifcase stood up and faced us "Sir, I'm a libertarian, and I just wanted to say you're overstepping your bounds. That man does not owe you money for breathing your wifes farts"

"Yes, he does, sweet jungle child" Patrick replied

"Beg your pardon?" The black businessman replied in shock "Did you just call me a...jungle child?"

"Yes you fucking nigger. I did. So sit the fuck down."

The black man gasped and his jaw dropped

Patrick suddenly brandished a small handgun, pointing it at the black business man

"You know what we do to coons like you down in Pinellas Park, Florida?" Patrick angrily asked him. He motioned at Niki "This here is a Class A Brap Hog. The farts she puts out are prime grade. She is high above industry standards for a golden Brap hog" Patrick said with confidence.

Even the black business man looked impressed, despite just being racially discriminated and threatened by Patrick.

Suddenly a voice spoke up from the bus

"No, shes not" the elderly Vietnam veteran said, standing up and confronting Patrick. "That's a class C shit hog, at best. I can tell from here she fills the bowl with bloody loose stool every day. That fart she just did was nothing special." The war vet said, now closely inspecting Niki up and down. "Thats no brap queen. Just a standard grade shit logger" He said

Patrick turned red, and a look of sheer terror appeared on his bloated face. "b-b-but she ca-"

"She can nothing, son" the war vet interrupted him. He shot a look at the black fellow. "I ought to turn this fat liar into the Brap Bureau for fraudulent gas reports, huh. well see how tough he is then?"

Patricks eyes widened and he grabbed Niki, exiting the bus as fast as he could. In his rush he even dropped his gun, a cheap semi auto p90 that you'd expect to see a fat mall ninja prancing around with. Patrick quickly jumped out of the bus and Niki followed.

But it was a bad stop to get off at so quickly, for Patrick. As the bus was passing through one of the roughest hoods in Milwaukee's China Town district. As he left the bus, a group of feral korean men swarmed him with claw hammers. All you could see was their repeated downward swings, as the crazed korean men pummeled his skull open and desperately scooped out his sweet gray matter with their hands, and ate it like the rabid primitives they were. Niki oiked in horror before a pimped out honda civic jumped the curb and flattened the entire group into a bloody multiracial pancake. "aw shit nigga I'm too drunk to drive" the black man driving the civic said, before vomitting out the window of his car and into Patricks mouth. The vomit was sucked into patricks throat and he gasped as nigger vomit prevented him from taking his last breaths. The bus sped off and everyone cheered as patrick finally fell limp.

"I cant stand that guy" the bus driver said to us casually "He raped a child on here once. It fucking stank" and from that day forward I always knew, never judge a book by its cover, unless Patrick wrote it.