I was in IKEA today and ordered a hotdog from their restaurant. They just gave me the bun and dog and I had to go to a different station and add all my own sauces. It was then when I realized how ironic it was that...
31 2019-03-07 by Ant_Sucks
.. I am not a female comedian otherwise I would have turned that shitty anecdote into a whole bit.
I then came home and jerked off to pictures of Kelsey Cook.
13 comments
1 NguyenLevin71 2019-03-07
“You guys ever go to IKEA?”
thunderous applause
“Isn’t it great? I love IKEA” (twirls hair, makes a goofy face) “but do I really need to build my own hotdogs?”
raucous laughter
“I mean, what am I, an engineer?” (jiggles tits)
standing ovation
1 Anarox 2019-03-07
"You can build the fucking HERRÖRTS cabin in under two hours but you can't find my g-spot?
Audience laughing and female wooing intensifies
1 anorock13 2019-03-07
You were at an Ikea?Did your parents have any children that were straight?
1 PeeSoup3030 2019-03-07
Serves you right for eating hotdogs
1 BoardroomBimmy 2019-03-07
I was so drunk at Ikea last night I bought a hot dog but then I realized it was my garage door opener!
gets opening slot for Jams Morden
1 Air_Rangoon 2019-03-07
"I got to the second half of your post and I was like, uhmmmmmm, really? This is what you're going with? This here? [stirring-drink-with-finger gesture] Is all? Ohhhhh-kaaaaaayyy. I think we all know who the virgin in this story is, don't we? Mmmmmm-hmmmmm. Aaaaanywaaay so—"
—woman
1 McGowan9 2019-03-07
Well you missed a trick. The meatballs there are much better
1 Attonitus1 2019-03-07
I mean, I knew when you come to Ikea you have to expect some assembly but this is getting out of hand, can I pay one of the Mexicans outside the store to assemble this too?... So I try to get some mustard and wouldn't you know it, the dispenser squirts all over my chest, now, I'd like to say that was the first time I had a thick salty liquid shot on my chest, but..holds for applause
1 MoeGreenVegas 2019-03-07
"They have tried to make things more authentically Swedish. Now when you walk in, a pack of Muslims rapes you."
1 246h8 2019-03-07
A comedy routine the whole family can enjoy!
1 TangerineReam 2019-03-07
"Let me repeat that laughter...I had to go to ANOTHER station laughter... to GET...all the sauces I wanted... "
scrunches face, raises hand in WTF gesture, raucous laughter
"....is that where we are in society? laughter...going somewhere ELSE to get what we want?"
she waits a beat, audience fills room with wild laughter and applause
In the same special
"I WAS ROIPED! WHY IZ THAT O-KAY?! I DON'T HATE MEN, BUT THEY SHOULD ALL BE KILLED!"
slow but thunderous applause, writers can be heard in background typing away think pieces, producers start submitting Emmy considerations
1 varamyr6skin 2019-03-07
I love these lessons.
1 YouAintGotToLieCraig 2019-03-07
/u/kelseycookcomedian ,comment?