I just Spoke to Jospeph Cumia (16/?/NY)
46 2019-03-03 by Doctor_Peckhaz
I just called the intellectual powerhouse that is Joe Cumia, this is what happened. Just a heads up, he picks up every time.
[2 rings]
Joe: [lots of background noise, sounds like he's at a bar] Ya..hello?
Me: Hey man, Im down here at the big apple ranch, just wonderin' where you are?
Joe: What?...Hey babe, can you turn that down...babe, can you turn the tv down [tv volume decreases].
Joe: What?
Me: Hey man, down here at the big apple ranch, wonderin where you be at?
Joe: Yeah I bet you reddit guys love sucking dicks. [clearly knows about, and frequents, the big apple ranch].
Me: You bet we do, I know you do too, so why ain't you here yet?
Joe: Yeah you guys are all fags that suck dicks.
Me: Buddy, better get down here quick I need some of that lipstick on this here prick.
Joe:yeah I don't suck dick, I like pussy [said in front of his Otzi impersonator girlfriend].
Me: Pussy, huh?
Joe: Yeah, I like pussy, now I gotta go.
Me: Yeah, I bet you like that ass pussy don't you, faggot.
Joe:[several long seconds of silence and breathing] [He hangs the phone up]
44 comments
1 TheGhostOfAbeVigoda 2019-03-03
Holy fuck man I got a really good, hard laugh out of that.
1 Antlovessue 2019-03-03
Record it
1 Doctor_Peckhaz 2019-03-03
Considering how enjoyable this one was, I plan to start calling daily and record them.
1 Antlovessue 2019-03-03
Do it now
1 TheGhostOfAbeVigoda 2019-03-03
Bad idea. It's harassment. It's fucking hilarious, but don't do it.
u/lawyerherelistenup any advice?
1 Doctor_Peckhaz 2019-03-03
Lawyer here: Most states (including Joe's) are one party consent states, meaning only one party must consent to the recording (thus the one recording it is consenting). This is true at the federal level as well: 18 USC Section 2511(2)(d): It shall not be unlawful under this chapter for a person...to intercept a...wire, oral, or electronic communication where such person is a party to the communication...unless such communication is intercepted for the purpose of committing any criminal or tortious act."
Essentially, call and record to your heart's content. Just be aware that if you engage in any tortious or criminal conduct, you may be liable. The reality is though that he does not have the money or ability to pursue you civilly and no law enforcement official has the ability or desire to investigate a bunch of dorks calling an old man to ask about his sex life.
1 TheGhostOfAbeVigoda 2019-03-03
Okay well fucking awesome then. I'll give him a dingle Monday morning and tell him to get his kid to school on time for once.
1 Doctor_Peckhaz 2019-03-03
Well, I don't think a reasonable person would find that to be tortious or criminal. You're just a concerned citizen and occasional truant officer. God be with you.
1 fiffy_tiffy 2019-03-03
A pecker doctor and a lawyer? How do you even find the time to make prank calls?
1 ArtieKnows 2019-03-03
Listen man, I had to work a double at Panera today because Beth had a herpes flair up, but I still had time to troll Joe. Just because this guy's a lawyer and a urologist doesn't mean he's any better than the rest of us.
1 deumae 2019-03-03
I groom yetis for pocket money.
1 deumae 2019-03-03
I was wondering, if you have to announce the fact that you're recording, does it have to be in English? There always seem to be small loopholes in law, at least to an untrained outsider.
1 Doctor_Peckhaz 2019-03-03
As long as it's a one party consent state, then you do not need to tell him. Although I would encourage you to yell things at him in an unintelligible language.
1 deumae 2019-03-03
Oh I was just asking out of curiosity. I don't want any contact with those people, especially that one.
1 chulathedog 2019-03-03
Who answers calls from random numbers?
1 Doctor_Peckhaz 2019-03-03
It's even sadder than that; my caller ID was blocked and he still picked up.
1 Carolsbustedmug 2019-03-03
Old people
1 Applesauceinmypants 2019-03-03
25% of his allowance goes to dick pills from Indian pharmacies.
1 Dr-Seepage 2019-03-03
Guys who cant hold down bar gigs because of their compendium of historical racism
1 ArtieKnows 2019-03-03
COME ON DOWN TO TED'S HISTORICAL RACISM COMPENDIUM
1 MonsieurObloquy 2019-03-03
Why not record it, if true.
1 Phkna1 2019-03-03
He did, but his friend broke the tape
1 Dick_donger 2019-03-03
Said something about throwing up and falling out of the closet
1 ElFaporino 2019-03-03
Then Monty Python took it and Norton's joke petered out
1 Touch_Of_Red 2019-03-03
Damn, that's a good reference!
1 Doc_McCoyXYZ 2019-03-03
Pathetic, if true
1 individual02 2019-03-03
bless you
1 assreaper 2019-03-03
Just called him and left a message using a gruff jewish voice asking him to play at a real venue in my city. He called back less then a min later and hung up after two rings. Think he at first thought it was a redditard then hung thinking this might be real gig. either way we are driving him crazy. But if you do see this Joe call me back. Wont mention anything off the record the you tell me. Just would like your on the record of the last 24hrs.
1 Doctor_Peckhaz 2019-03-03
Assreaper: Investigative Journalist.
1 assreaper 2019-03-03
I dig deep into the stories that matter, and asses
1 assreaper 2019-03-03
Hey Joe if you ever get your podcast up and running i will come on and debate ya. You have my phone number so even you can figure out my real name.
1 Kenn_Kennnerson 2019-03-03
lol
1 ae_1985 2019-03-03
Check out spooftel.com, you can spoof your number and record.
1 FootballWatchingDope 2019-03-03
oh, fun!
1 EastSideDan 2019-03-03
Not that i don't believe you, but how did you get his number?
1 assreaper 2019-03-03
2u website. It seems to be his home number.
1 assreaper 2019-03-03
Got a this is bla bla entertainment message, but the speed that joe replyed it has to be his number or tied into his phone,
1 wicked_crayfish 2019-03-03
Just send faxes to his phone number. Like seinfeld.
1 JohnDenver2005 2019-03-03
What’s his fucking number?
1 assreaper 2019-03-03
Nice try joe, do your homework.
1 JohnDenver2005 2019-03-03
Number dumb fuck
1 ElFaporino 2019-03-03
Doesn't someone here have the tagline next to their name "Joe Cumia's Phone number Is"?
1 ElFaporino 2019-03-03
Confirmed he Will pick up
1 ElFaporino 2019-03-03
Me: Yeah, I bet you like that ass pussy don't you, faggot.
Joe:[several long seconds of silence and breathing] [He hangs the phone up]
Lol what a fucking idiot