"My gay friend" - When you come up with a joke grade school kids make that you think is too clever not to share, but don't want your dwindling fanbase to think you like buttsex.

40  2019-02-26 by TedBacon

30 comments

1  IceBoxChamberlain 2019-02-26

Uranus is farther away from Earth than Jupiter.

1  TedBacon 2019-02-26

I mean, the guy only writes about and is obsessed with space. Why would he know that?

1  KilledKuhn 2019-02-26

child

1  ThatsSoOverrated 2019-02-26

It depends where they are in their orbits, child.

Presently, Jupiter is much closer.

1  yevyoyevyo 2019-02-26

I don't think there is ever a time that Uranus is closer

1  ThatsSoOverrated 2019-02-26

That's probably true, but you're still a child, sweetie.

1  commissarjb 2019-02-26

Yeah, I think it's Uranus and Neptune that shift positions.

2  thissiteruinedme 2019-02-26

Neptune and Pluto, Pluto's fucked up, hence the demotion.

1  commissarjb 2019-02-26

What a stupid little celestial body.

1  IceBoxChamberlain 2019-02-26

Nice orbit, stupid

1  TriangleDimes 2019-02-26

He's like another version of Tom Myers where each joke fails on multiple levels, notably the factual basis.

1  cro-magnon_sam 2019-02-26

This made me so happy.

1  SuperToes845 2019-02-26

It's Kraft, shitdick. Not Craft.

1  TedBacon 2019-02-26

Tubby should know, he clearly enjoys Kraft's large amount of cheese products.

1  racemic_mixture 2019-02-26

Also, he cosplays as a real sports fan, so he actually should know this to fit his role.

1  yevyoyevyo 2019-02-26

He really is just a fuckin idiot. Even if the joke made sense it would still be stupid, but Uranus is further away than Jupiter so the fat pig doesn't even have that

1  SomervilleDan 2019-02-26

Nice poorly crafted joke, child

1  TriangleDimes 2019-02-26

A surprising bomb from the guy who thought a great ongoing bit for one of his books would be to call the protagonist "Firstname Lastname."

1  Toss__Pot 2019-02-26

I actually laughed out loud, not at the joke, but just remembering this guy actually exists.

1  SuperToes845 2019-02-26

*gay

1  racemic_mixture 2019-02-26

Sick Sci-Fi joke you fucking nerd. Also, you even got the joke wrong "scientifically" so I assume the "Sci" in your pamphlet is really on point. At least the characters are empowered or whatever the fuck, so there's that angle.

1  Haunter94 2019-02-26

Do you have to have a Facebook to get to his non author account? I'd love to sit all day seeing how far back it goes. His wife left him ~8 years ago when he was selling insurance in Florida.

1  TedBacon 2019-02-26

You shouldn't have to, the needy fuck makes all his posts public

1  Haunter94 2019-02-26

I only have the promotional account he uses. I'd love to see what comments he gets from people he interacts with in real life. I've only seen a few photos of him with real people and 90% were "hey can I take a picture with you because I'm using you to virtue signal"

If you have a link let me know

1  SensibleKeks 2019-02-26

Stealing jokes from reddit I see.

1  ElFaporino 2019-02-26

He said that as he was shoving meth into Pat's ass

1  CommodorePawsey 2019-02-26

But the joke isn’t that he would go to the actual planet, the joke is that he would go to the other guy’s anus, so don’t spell out the name of the planet you FUCKING IDIOT. Now it isn’t a joke but a statement that is, on top of everything else, ignorant of the fact that Uranus is farther away. How do you fail that hard with a two sentence joke?

1  WillyCosby 2019-02-26

Bob Kraft is a good egg

1  YourOldPalHoward 2019-02-26

/u/patrickstomlinson

1  Dick_donger 2019-02-26

Faggit

1  TriangleDimes 2019-02-26

A surprising bomb from the guy who thought a great ongoing bit for one of his books would be to call the protagonist "Firstname Lastname."

1  yevyoyevyo 2019-02-26

I don't think there is ever a time that Uranus is closer