All 26.2k (except one) of you are complete and total losers. I'm an astronaut.
0 2019-02-18 by tpstrat14
Hey! My name is Timothy Peterson Stratton. My address is 49 Hemlock Road, Granby Connecticut 06035. Business phone: 860-233-5855. Personal phone: 860-706-7313 I will be the first astronaut to land on Mars thanks to BoomBoomOrYumYum and many otherGreg Cardazone, a comedian from Staten Island, started a lie about your lover Joe Cumia playing at my father's bowling alley. You all thought it would be fun to try to destroy his business. The business is going well. Try harder. The aliens however know that 100% of you are complete and utter losers and they don't like you. Go to astronaut.com to find out more :) Tread very lightly. You're walking on very tiny, tender and hopeful hearts (including mine) with sharpened cleats and the aliens fucking HATE that shit. Happy travels.
"None shall pass" - Aesop Rock
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21 comments
1 Tippy_Toms_Shitlogs 2019-02-18
So what's the deal with this bit?
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
Joe Cumia is a loser like you. That’s why you love each other
1 Tippy_Toms_Shitlogs 2019-02-18
Is he a loser like me or am I a loser like him?
1 TheGhostOfAbeVigoda 2019-02-18
In case anyone's wondering, I'm the one who's not a loser. Abe Vigoda, beloved pop culture icon and legend of the stage and screen.
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
Either way. And I’d be a loser to continue posting on this board. Goodbye. Again, gather the troops. You’ll need a lot. Aliens are more powerful. They got here from Andromeda maybe.
1 TheRocketRosenthal 2019-02-18
Now,now,now. As the reigning O+A sun world heavyweight champion, I feel I should step in here. You can’t just come in here claiming to be an astronaut. That is a sure fire way to earn you a Red Glare. So, tell The Rocket why you are here, and why you called all of my Rocketeers “losers”. Do it quick, jack, the Rocket is not a patient man. Houston, you have a problem.
1 yoko_awwnaww 2019-02-18
The rocket is pacing the ring now, the crowd is really going crazy.
the rocket is doing some sort of weird step...is that the moon walk?
its the moon walk!
Go Rocket Go!
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
Ask me questions about the science of being an astronaut
1 Toss__Pot 2019-02-18
Do you still eat just cheese to stop your shits being runny, & does the piss-steam rise up your suit into your helmet?
1 Tippy_Toms_Shitlogs 2019-02-18
The Rocket is not on your side, friend.
It would be wise to leave it alone.
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
None shall pass? No, not with their ego. We need more science, more psilocybin, more CBD, LSD, we need to travel the jungles to find the psychedelic frogs and more importantly the people who have been using these substances forever. Also, we need to bring lysergic acid diethylemide TO these peoples because they couldn't synthesize it. LSD is the ultimate synthesis of 1st and 3rd world experiences
1 TheGhostOfAbeVigoda 2019-02-18
Yeah! Why'd you call all of the Rocketeers losers except me, pal?
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
Yea they do. Houston has a big problem. Not just one, but many. I'm flying there this month to tell them their problems.
1 Cow_Eyed_Joe 2019-02-18
Shut up, faggot.
1 Toss__Pot 2019-02-18
Thanks dude
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
Not sure. Probably irrelevant because you are a loser that won’t help us get to Mars
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
There is no chance of piss steam going anywhere but into the receptacle that the test goes to. That would be completely contained. Every single molecule of air that you breathe will be contained within the suit. These are very expensive suits. You are not worthy. The government and Elon musk do not care about your life. They care about humanity. They won’t let anyone into space that doesn’t already know the answers to simple chemistry and physics questions
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
Also, Elon musk is on the right track. He knows that we need CBD in space immediately. This is the psychiatric “drug” of the future and why you idiots didn’t stress me out and why I’m going to be an astronaut.
Anyways, I have no way of contacting Musk because there’s about 1 billion other people trying to. Check out @timboexmo
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
I will terraform father Mars to take pressure off of mother Earth. You’re welcome
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
Let me ask you a question. Do you think there are particles of matter in between galaxies?
1 tpstrat14 2019-02-18
Really? You really are all losers??? No one is curious about space travel?