Jim?

Imagine failing to kill yourself. If you can't even get that right, then you should kill yourself (oh wait, you can't LOL).

Gays are women

Except Gays actually want to fuck me.

Nobody wants to fuck you

You better give her my number then.

Tss tss

True shit. Everyone wants to be a victim

The millenials started it. They also say "victim of suicide"

There’s at least some logic to that on a language level. The survivor thing doesn’t hold up because no one would say “homicide survivor” about a victim of an attempted murder.

They say "rape survivor", even though most rapists aren't murderers, and most people that are raped don't kill themselves.

Yeah, but the “survivor” in “rape survivor” doesn’t have anything to do with if they were killed or not. One can “survive” something that isn’t fatal. I was pointing to the word suicide itself, which like homicide, denotes getting killed. A rape survivor has been raped, but a “suicide survivor” hasn’t been suicided.

Calling rape victims "survivors" is just a code word to make them feel empowered. Because after being forcefully sodomized, the first thing that comes to mind is empowerment.

Oh no doubt.

Big A has produced many rape victims, but no rape survivors.

the "survivor" thing is #brave levels of pandering.

luckily the amount of suicide I've committed has been thus far inconsequential.

Nobody deserves to call themselves a suicide victim unless they either drank a gallon of bleach or shot themselves in the face and lived.

I would say that Artie made a whole hearted attempt at suicide.

I survived cancer with their logic.

I'm a choking survivor

Glad you’re with us today, bro.

I survived the flu. I have the commemorative tattoo to prove it

Welcome. You're among friends here, no need to be scared

A mozzarella stick almost took me out when I was a kid. That appetizer really tried to mother-fuck me.

You were supposed to chew it not try to impress your dad with your deepthroating skills.

I'm a almost-spilled-coffee-on-my-lap-because-I-was-fawkin-loffing-so-hard survivor.

Also, saying you "suffer" from depression. Gay as fuck.

Nice logic, stupid.

Artie taught the world that some people should absolutely commit suicide. Sometimes it’s legitimately the best solution to certain problems. That’s why I get annoyed when someone hints that they’re suicidal and a bunch of strangers immediately go “No don’t do it!” Or “call this hotline!” It’s like, hold on, let the man explain his situation. Maybe he’s a gigantic piece of shit junkie. Maybe he should be dead. You don’t know; you just met him.

Oh, another person who had money stolen from them by Artie for heroin money...

Artie is just a junkie, dude. His presence on this earth has no detrimental effect on your life in anyway. He's just some fuck up who can't help but get high. You don't have to follow his twitter feed, you know. There are plenty of people the world would be better off if they killed themselves, but I don't see how some failed junkie comic fits into that category.

Kill yourself please

You and Quatto first, cunt.

I’m tryin to figure out what you meant by Quatto then I realised. Beautiful comeback man. You took the jab while you were housing a counter uppercut, just beautiful.

Somebody's listening to Stanhope!

Artie's life could have actually been pretty cool if he was capable of getting his shit together even a little bit.

Not to mention it's a fucking oxymoron

I'm a SIDS survivor

Were you a strong baby or terrible parent?

... or hispanic & both

When you think about it, he's saying "I survived myself". It's nonsense.

Surviving Yourself is perfectly healthy, just don't exceed once a day

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You're not a survivor of suicide, you're a failure at it.

What about that guy whose face they had to Muppet back together after Judas Priest told him to shot himself?

I'm an autorape survivor

Who hurt you?

I’m suspicious of anyone who doesn’t think about suicide constantly. It’s a sign of good problem solving skills.

yeah, this is a good bit.

I dont see why youre not ready for a phoner on jim and sam.

I am a survivor of 9/11

One guy went to blow his head off and now has half head missing but still alive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Am6TY3mFFo

Oh, another person who had money stolen from them by Artie for heroin money...

Artie is just a junkie, dude. His presence on this earth has no detrimental effect on your life in anyway. He's just some fuck up who can't help but get high. You don't have to follow his twitter feed, you know. There are plenty of people the world would be better off if they killed themselves, but I don't see how some failed junkie comic fits into that category.

You and Quatto first, cunt.

Somebody's listening to Stanhope!

Artie's life could have actually been pretty cool if he was capable of getting his shit together even a little bit.