I literally just heard someone make that “left for cigarettes and never came home/stay home and smoke weed” joke at an open mic 2 nights ago. It’s the oldest fucking joke around.
“Cheeky TV show reference that only other broads would get?” Check. Literally the first joke out of her mouth.
You could hear it in her voice after a few of the jokes. She knows what she is and that she shouldn't be there. I almost feel bad for these people, to have the chance at success forced upon you because you tick the right boxes in someone's quota for what should be represented when you know you're not good. You don't deserve it.
Your success has to feel so empty if you're any sort of self aware person.
It was a classical recital, but the feeling's just as bad. I mean, if you're in a car accident later on, you don't tell yourself "could have been a train wreck".
My fault, sorry: I meant comparable in terms of what he said re. people pushing you up when you don't have the chps. Was a classical recital in my case, but the feeling's the same - I thought the whole town would know.
At least she’s not as ha my as shumer and her vagina jokes. To me this chick is more comedian then glazzier and shumer. Your vagina is not a punchline.
One or two of the jokes weren't that badly written. The one about dating a 19 year old is good, but it just slowly oozed out of her mouth with no enthusiasm or inflection.
I literally just heard someone make that “left for cigarettes and never came home/stay home and smoke weed” joke at an open mic 2 nights ago. It’s the oldest fucking joke around.
“Cheeky TV show reference that only other broads would get?” Check. Literally the first joke out of her mouth.
40 comments
1 yoko_awwnaww 2019-01-26
What is this cadence?
Nice fat person dress you fucking monster
1 TheElDan 2019-01-26
She should still be doing open mics with this performance.
1 Doc_McCoyXYZ 2019-01-26
I literally just heard someone make that “left for cigarettes and never came home/stay home and smoke weed” joke at an open mic 2 nights ago. It’s the oldest fucking joke around.
“Cheeky TV show reference that only other broads would get?” Check. Literally the first joke out of her mouth.
1 throwbenny 2019-01-26
She's dressed like she out of furlough
1 benniezoom12 2019-01-26
I'm so glad that Colbert will never be as influential as Carson
1 Single_Action_Army 2019-01-26
He's the prophet to the "orange man bad" crowd.
1 literalotherkin 2019-01-26
Cargo Cult Comedian. (Sorry to repeat myself.)
1 deumae 2019-01-26
It's worth repeating.
1 BlueBash 2019-01-26
Holy fuck it is dead silent until the transition between "jokes". And polite clapping
1 Blackmonkfish 2019-01-26
Wow. Just Wow.
Colbert/Fallon/Meyers/Kimmel etc truly are a cancer on the American people
1 Oakcliffthatsmyhood 2019-01-26
https://mobile.twitter.com/samlymatters/status/1089180311928348672
Read the replies
1 movement23 2019-01-26
It's her followers, what do you expect
1 Oakcliffthatsmyhood 2019-01-26
It's like the o and a truckers back in the day
hahahahahahah I almost crashed my rig into a bridge I was laughing so hard. Midget watch Wednesdays!
1 CompleteZilch 2019-01-26
No laughter. Just clapping.
1 JerkyJimmy 2019-01-26
Samantha Ruddy won't eat vegetables without ranch.
1 ChocomelTM 2019-01-26
1 JerkyJimmy 2019-01-26
She would. You just have to tell her they were a chinks shit logs.
1 A_Real_OG_Readmore 2019-01-26
Throw em in her slop bucket. she'll never notice.
1 Mr_Plakton 2019-01-26
You could hear it in her voice after a few of the jokes. She knows what she is and that she shouldn't be there. I almost feel bad for these people, to have the chance at success forced upon you because you tick the right boxes in someone's quota for what should be represented when you know you're not good. You don't deserve it.
Your success has to feel so empty if you're any sort of self aware person.
1 deumae 2019-01-26
And how. I bombed once in a comparable situation and was thinking of a name change and plastic surgery.
1 Gushers4Lunch 2019-01-26
1 deumae 2019-01-26
It was a classical recital, but the feeling's just as bad. I mean, if you're in a car accident later on, you don't tell yourself "could have been a train wreck".
1 deumae 2019-01-26
My fault, sorry: I meant comparable in terms of what he said re. people pushing you up when you don't have the chps. Was a classical recital in my case, but the feeling's the same - I thought the whole town would know.
1 Gushers4Lunch 2019-01-26
It's OK, cutie. Let's snuggle
1 deumae 2019-01-26
But I just put my curlers in.
1 ChocomelTM 2019-01-26
Yeah I remember seeing you on Letterman
1 deumae 2019-01-26
No no no, I was never on TV.
1 ChocomelTM 2019-01-26
Get help
1 deumae 2019-01-26
I see my great-grandfather's battalion missed a spot.
1 [deleted] 2019-01-26
[removed]
1 BornVillain79 2019-01-26
At least she’s not as ha my as shumer and her vagina jokes. To me this chick is more comedian then glazzier and shumer. Your vagina is not a punchline.
1 BabyLicer 2019-01-26
She's not a performer. She has no charisma.
One or two of the jokes weren't that badly written. The one about dating a 19 year old is good, but it just slowly oozed out of her mouth with no enthusiasm or inflection.
1 floppy666 2019-01-26
“I asked my guy friend if he would lend me $5000 “ (7 second applause break). That’s some powerful stuff folks.
1 TheUserRedditBanned 2019-01-26
Of course she can't help but put the fact she lives in Brooklyn in her Twitter bio. Not that she was born there.
"Brooklyn, via Scranton"
Take the L train on Friday night and it's like zombies. They all think, act, dress, talk, and live alike.
1 Single_Action_Army 2019-01-26
Look at those comments. "There were some funny parts! Give her a break, she was nervous!"
No one would ever give a man in that position the same clemency. Ever.
1 DrFroufrou 2019-01-26
Exactly.
1 fritoburrito 2019-01-26
This isn’t even good open mic, I see dozens of sets better than this every week
1 individual02 2019-01-26
I wish I wasn’t coward. I wish I had the balls to kill myself
1 RatherPleasent 2019-01-26
Delivery was terrible, but her joke concepts weren't all that bad. The opener was funny in theory. Still better than Ron Delaney.
1 Billyassman 2019-01-26
When can we kill them?
1 Doc_McCoyXYZ 2019-01-26
I literally just heard someone make that “left for cigarettes and never came home/stay home and smoke weed” joke at an open mic 2 nights ago. It’s the oldest fucking joke around.
“Cheeky TV show reference that only other broads would get?” Check. Literally the first joke out of her mouth.
1 Single_Action_Army 2019-01-26
He's the prophet to the "orange man bad" crowd.
1 deumae 2019-01-26
No no no, I was never on TV.