He was scammed by a couple of Keith's school chums. He spent a few drunken afternoons talking while they recorded him on one of their phones. They then used a speech to text app to "write it up" before presenting him with a bill in the upper five figures. And of course, he paid up without complaint like the pussy he is.
He used to have context where he knew he was a low life that got lucky and ‘made it’ in the radio business, but in his older years he sees himself in this revisionist viewpoint like some star who was destined to be famous no matter what he did simply because he is Anthony Cumia comedic genius. A couple of decisions going the other way early in his career and he would just be some DJ in a local market no one knows about. And that’s being nice.
How could I possibly get out of marrying this woman who was not pregnant and I shared no property or assets with? I was FORCED, dont you understand? You know how it is obviously you're all married to the first fucking girl you ever kissed. I mean they should INVENT a way you can stop dating a person besides getting married and then getting divorced.
What a fucking man's man, cant dump a fucking chick, cant be sad, cant confront a person face to face.
It makes him sound like way more of a faggot than if he said "I married a woman I didn't love because I didn't want other men to think I was gay because they always have, starting with my dad."
And because there are three incompetent writers here (well two writers and a pedo), they don’t even bother exploring why he was forced in. We’re just supposed to accept, “yep, he was forced in.”
"hot chicks" No. He always paints a picture of his life being like the Playboy Mansion surrounded by top shelf pussy. The reality is like The Hills Have Eyes.
Remember that picture of those mutants in the hot tub with Danny. Ant is just an old pedo who thinks young = hot. Too bad American colleges have indoctrinated the youth with leftist thought or Ant could still pull the ugliest 18-21 year olds in Long Island.
Why is he not ashamed? He cares about his image - all his parvenu posing with cars, guns, pool, etc. So why does he tell the whole world he's really just some spineless willy woofter? I really don't understand, unless he's mentally ill.
In what passes for his mind nothing is his fault. And he's spent 20+ years surrounding himself with sycophants and hangers on who bolster his delusions.
"Oh shit man, that's a crazy story. Hold that thought buddy, I gotta take a piss" (walks to other side of the bar to avoid talking to long island, shithead, garbage person)
(2 hours, 14 drinks and 1 lisping gay voice later) "Hhheyyy thailor...wheredya go? You said you'd be right back. I wanna tell you what happened with my ex wife. She was such a pain in the aayyasss."
I put a monkey wrench in the works by axing the wife and picking up this pretty wild chick
Nice vernacular, stupid. He so, so desperately wants to be seen as cool. In reality, he married a zero because he was a frightened pussy. Started making a little money in radio, then paid huge amounts of that in order to divorce his awful and disgusting wife. Then he started dating an insane and obnoxious woman who puts out (read: "wild chick"; I don't have any idea who he's referring to, but every woman who is labeled as "wild" is an insane and obnoxious slut).
Also interesting that on his wedding night, he sees his marriage as a mistake, but is such an absolute pussy that he stays married for nine goddamned years.
Also interesting that on his wedding night, he sees his marriage as a mistake, but is such an absolute pussy that he stays married for nine goddamned years.
The cowardice involved in this simple reality makes me glad his cunt wife took millions from him. He deserved it.
Which one is it, are you a playboy like Johnny fucking Fontaine (nice up to date reference) or a pissy eyed faggot who gets PUSHED into marriage? Lying, no spine having queeb.
So he was too much of a cowardly confrontation-fearing faggot to not marry the bitch? What did he do for those nine years, paste on his famous rictus grin, shrug and tell everyone he's "never been better"? What a fucking retard.
I’d love to know if he mentions how “wild” she really was. Is there a chapter on how he met her after she performed oral sex on a member of his show’s staff?
He still thinks Opie wanted him to stay with his wife in the 'stable situation' because the wife and girlfriend were friends. If he had a glimmer of self-awareness, he would understand that nobody partnered with an alcoholic would want them to leave the stable relationship to date a crazy girl. And he lacked the decency to keep the crazy girl away from his business partner.
"Opie liked the stable situation and didn't want anything to fuck it up."
This could be applied to Opie's aversion to Nana's racist rants as well. Selfish Opie didn't want Anthony to do and say whatever he wanted at all times with no consideration of consequences. The nerve!
There’s a little thing called “show, don’t tell” in writing. It’s like writing 101. What bargain basement ghost writers did Anthony hire? I want to say they were aiming for a conversational tone in this book but the writing is so fucking flat and dispirited that it doesn’t work at all.
72 comments
1 PeeSoup3030 2019-01-12
He had two writers and it still reads like this? I'm not much of a reader but I could have written this shit in a week
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
He was scammed by a couple of Keith's school chums. He spent a few drunken afternoons talking while they recorded him on one of their phones. They then used a speech to text app to "write it up" before presenting him with a bill in the upper five figures. And of course, he paid up without complaint like the pussy he is.
1 PeeSoup3030 2019-01-12
Is it that easy? I thought it was a whole process of creativity and putting your heart into it.
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
You have to remember how lazy this nigger is.
1 Dr-Seepage 2019-01-12
Thanks for the giggle chum
1 ILoveYouJohnnyCakes 2019-01-12
No one who's a respected, talented writer would want Anthony's book on their resume.
1 GraveJ 2019-01-12
I agree. Let me explain.
1 NguyenLevin71 2019-01-12
How was he “pushed into marrying her”? Never got that. Was it an arranged marriage?
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
His homosexual inner voice made him do it out of fear of being exposed to the drunks at his mother's bar.
1 RealTonySchiavone 2019-01-12
"part lesbo"
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
Stuck at 14 years old, mentally, psychologically and sexually.
1 Dr-Seepage 2019-01-12
That's certainly how he likes them
1 lawyerherelistenup 2019-01-12
Fails to even take responsibility for marrying his wife. Unbelievable.
"I didn't want to marry her, but what could I do?" Umm don't. You didn't even have kids. This makes no sense.
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
He is unbelievably immature and self-centered. He used to have a bit more self-awareness (I think?) but seems to have drank it away.
1 Mu_Scevich 2019-01-12
He used to have context where he knew he was a low life that got lucky and ‘made it’ in the radio business, but in his older years he sees himself in this revisionist viewpoint like some star who was destined to be famous no matter what he did simply because he is Anthony Cumia comedic genius. A couple of decisions going the other way early in his career and he would just be some DJ in a local market no one knows about. And that’s being nice.
1 ElFaporino 2019-01-12
Right? "She had her Hooks in Me". How? Just say no man.
1 ghandicumia 2019-01-12
Wasn't she dating Joe first
1 ElFaporino 2019-01-12
yuuup. Which shoots all Ant's pretending like he was the cool guy here, taking Brother Joe's leavings
1 Ronnybbaby 2019-01-12
I was raped by a transsexual. But what could I do?
1 Spocks_Goatee 2019-01-12
Least he can't get her pregnant.
1 aprosbro 2019-01-12
How could I possibly get out of marrying this woman who was not pregnant and I shared no property or assets with? I was FORCED, dont you understand? You know how it is obviously you're all married to the first fucking girl you ever kissed. I mean they should INVENT a way you can stop dating a person besides getting married and then getting divorced.
What a fucking man's man, cant dump a fucking chick, cant be sad, cant confront a person face to face.
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
It makes him sound like way more of a faggot than if he said "I married a woman I didn't love because I didn't want other men to think I was gay because they always have, starting with my dad."
1 ronsumbrella 2019-01-12
And because there are three incompetent writers here (well two writers and a pedo), they don’t even bother exploring why he was forced in. We’re just supposed to accept, “yep, he was forced in.”
1 ILoveYouJohnnyCakes 2019-01-12
"hot chicks" No. He always paints a picture of his life being like the Playboy Mansion surrounded by top shelf pussy. The reality is like The Hills Have Eyes.
1 tapetape2 2019-01-12
Remember that picture of those mutants in the hot tub with Danny. Ant is just an old pedo who thinks young = hot. Too bad American colleges have indoctrinated the youth with leftist thought or Ant could still pull the ugliest 18-21 year olds in Long Island.
1 ILoveYouJohnnyCakes 2019-01-12
Bragged about fucking a 17 year old and then we see pictures of her and she looked like an ugly Wednesday Addams.
1 deumae 2019-01-12
What a repulsive crybaby.
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
He really is.
1 deumae 2019-01-12
Why is he not ashamed? He cares about his image - all his parvenu posing with cars, guns, pool, etc. So why does he tell the whole world he's really just some spineless willy woofter? I really don't understand, unless he's mentally ill.
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
In what passes for his mind nothing is his fault. And he's spent 20+ years surrounding himself with sycophants and hangers on who bolster his delusions.
1 deumae 2019-01-12
You're right, I forgot about his yes-men.
1 Mosebeets69 2019-01-12
Add a few more “fucks,” Anth.
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
Don't you get it? It's uncensored and cool to curse, libtard!
1 Mosebeets69 2019-01-12
You’re right.
1 Kenn_Kennerson 2019-01-12
And the fucking use of the fucking word takes up fucking space in your fucking pretend book where you have to fill fucking pages.
1 Diarrheachino 2019-01-12
"Oh shit man, that's a crazy story. Hold that thought buddy, I gotta take a piss" (walks to other side of the bar to avoid talking to long island, shithead, garbage person)
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
(2 hours, 14 drinks and 1 lisping gay voice later) "Hhheyyy thailor...wheredya go? You said you'd be right back. I wanna tell you what happened with my ex wife. She was such a pain in the aayyasss."
1 SpaceCaseBassFace 2019-01-12
Awful lot of words for "I'm too much of a faggot to tell a horrid wretch of a woman I dont wanna be with her."
1 SHITLORD_CUNTDICK 2019-01-12
Nice vernacular, stupid. He so, so desperately wants to be seen as cool. In reality, he married a zero because he was a frightened pussy. Started making a little money in radio, then paid huge amounts of that in order to divorce his awful and disgusting wife. Then he started dating an insane and obnoxious woman who puts out (read: "wild chick"; I don't have any idea who he's referring to, but every woman who is labeled as "wild" is an insane and obnoxious slut).
Also interesting that on his wedding night, he sees his marriage as a mistake, but is such an absolute pussy that he stays married for nine goddamned years.
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
The cowardice involved in this simple reality makes me glad his cunt wife took millions from him. He deserved it.
1 ronsumbrella 2019-01-12
And she apparently pissed all away. I guess much like Nana. That makes me happy.
1 SensibleKeks 2019-01-12
He referring to Lobster Girl. You know, the gal who blew an intern. She's a 5/10 long island trash and I'm being generous.
1 SHITLORD_CUNTDICK 2019-01-12
haha, LobsterGirl is the "pretty wild chick" he's talking about? Pathetic.
1 Jungies 2019-01-12
Somehow I'm more grossed out by her going down on Anthony's ex-wife than a random intern.
1 artiessobriety 2019-01-12
"I didn't even have sex on my wedding night! What did I get myself into!?"
"On our honeymoon I cried in the bathroom while masturbating to homosexual thoughts"
1 PlugsandLifts 2019-01-12
This is legitimately the worst thing I’ve ever read. It’s like The Room of literature.
1 SensibleKeks 2019-01-12
How come Anthony didn't bring up how he cried like a girl on his wedding night?
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
It's now devolved into "a single tear."
1 Tibor_Zutroy 2019-01-12
It's somehow worse.
1 Mikekekeke 2019-01-12
Nice "let me explain" stupid.
1 ronsumbrella 2019-01-12
Which one is it, are you a playboy like Johnny fucking Fontaine (nice up to date reference) or a pissy eyed faggot who gets PUSHED into marriage? Lying, no spine having queeb.
1 Cumia_Box 2019-01-12
"hot chickssss and their big titssss"
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
"I'm not gay, I never have been and I never will be."
1 TrievelGoesSouth 2019-01-12
Didn't he tell this story beat for beat on the air?
Why does he think anyone wants to read a story they've already heard?
1 perch97 2019-01-12
“Threesomes with hot chicks”
Yea cause Long Island is teeming with hot adventurous lesbians on the prowl for a busted chick and her HVAC repairman pock faced husband.
1 lawyerherelistenup 2019-01-12
And we know what a mutt Jennifer was so it's not like she's enticing tens into the bed. Get real dude.
1 3stepsbackward 2019-01-12
Opie needs to throw this book at Anthony's head, like he did to Tucker Max.
1 TheMidnight_Rider 2019-01-12
"Hot chicks". Yeah almost as hot as she was.
1 Ronnybbaby 2019-01-12
I had recently read Norms book and it really is both ends of the spectrum.
1 shimshammcgraw 2019-01-12
His cowardice knows no bounds.
1 satanssockpuppet 2019-01-12
So he was too much of a cowardly confrontation-fearing faggot to not marry the bitch? What did he do for those nine years, paste on his famous rictus grin, shrug and tell everyone he's "never been better"? What a fucking retard.
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
Yep, probably something pretty close to that.
1 Jungies 2019-01-12
The single most interesting thing about Anthony's ex is that she was also Joe's ex.
I wonder why nana doesn't mention that?
1 basedmattnigga7 2019-01-12
Oof
1 Coosaw 2019-01-12
Picking up this pretty wild fucking chick. 14 year old boys have more self awareness than to speak like this, let alone write this in a memoir.
1 MukkyM1212 2019-01-12
I’d love to know if he mentions how “wild” she really was. Is there a chapter on how he met her after she performed oral sex on a member of his show’s staff?
1 ManiacalChrisBenoit 2019-01-12
"Let me explain" couple paragraphs down "Let me explain"
Shit reads like the Book of Mormon.
1 pingpongrecords 2019-01-12
He still thinks Opie wanted him to stay with his wife in the 'stable situation' because the wife and girlfriend were friends. If he had a glimmer of self-awareness, he would understand that nobody partnered with an alcoholic would want them to leave the stable relationship to date a crazy girl. And he lacked the decency to keep the crazy girl away from his business partner.
1 MonicaKaczynski 2019-01-12
she was Joe's ex too wasn't she? imagine having sloppy seconds from fucking Joe Cumia
1 dropngo 2019-01-12
"Opie liked the stable situation and didn't want anything to fuck it up."
This could be applied to Opie's aversion to Nana's racist rants as well. Selfish Opie didn't want Anthony to do and say whatever he wanted at all times with no consideration of consequences. The nerve!
1 JohnJJohnsonMN 2019-01-12
What was the point of the Godfather reference?
1 MukkyM1212 2019-01-12
That writing is garbage.
“Let me explain.”
“Let me further explain.”
There’s a little thing called “show, don’t tell” in writing. It’s like writing 101. What bargain basement ghost writers did Anthony hire? I want to say they were aiming for a conversational tone in this book but the writing is so fucking flat and dispirited that it doesn’t work at all.
Fuck Anthony Cumia.
1 McGowan9 2019-01-12
He really is.
1 deumae 2019-01-12
You're right, I forgot about his yes-men.