r/opieandanthony: A Visit From Brother Joe

A Visit From Brother Joe

1 2018-12-24 by GorramTimebomb

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house

Not a creature was stirring, not a friend nor a spouse;

Nana's stockings were hung by the Xbox with care,

And she knew that her brother soon would be there;

He should have been putting his children to bed;

But he sat at a gay bar, drinking instead;

Nana reached for her bottle, and poured a night cap,

To settle her brain for a long Xanax nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

She sprang from her couch to see what was the matter.

Away to the window she flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

When what did her aging old granny ears hear,

But the familiar cry of a lonely old queer,

With a loud drunken moan that sounded like Roe,

She knew in a moment it must be Brother Joe.

As she drew in her head, and was turning around,

Through her front door, Joe came with a bound.

He was dressed in fake leather, from his head to his toe,

And his hand was outstretched, 'cause he wanted some dough;

Drunk out of his mind, his nose like a cherry!

His eyes—they were bloodshot! he was crying, the fairy!

He was blubbering and slobbering and drinking cheap rum,

And the beard on his chin was covered in cum;

The end of a rollie he held in his false teeth,

Yellow smoke encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a fat face and a bloated round belly

That shook when he sobbed, like a bowl full of jelly.

He wore SOA merch, none of which fit,

Nana laughed when she saw it, "Haha, holy shit";

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave her to know she had something to dread;

He spoke just one word, and his breath smelled like cock,

"Allowance", he belched; then he puked on her socks,

His hands were all swollen, because of the gout,

Nana wrote him a check, and he made his way out;

He charged down the street like a leather-clad missile,

And away Joseph flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he ran out of sight—

“Happy Christmas to all, so long as you're white!”

42 comments

2 jokespot 2018-12-24

Amazing work

1 ForceFeedNana 2018-12-24

This is truly fantastic

1 tooth_repair 2018-12-24

A new Christmas staple is born

1 866-Ron-0-Fez 2018-12-24

That was so beautiful it brought a tear to my penis. Merry Christmas you gorgeous creep.

1 Single_Action_Army 2018-12-24

Let me wipe that for you

1 blue_magoo_62 2018-12-24

Oi noi he's torn it

1 HeyRememberKyleXY 2018-12-24

Flawless.

1 Sickxboii 2018-12-24

This should be a Christmas classic

1 TheElDan 2018-12-24

The level of talent and creativity in this cesspool never ceases to amaze me.

1 F_H_Rileys_MaitreD 2018-12-24

1 joeybeans12 2018-12-24

Someone needs to animate this!

1 CommodorePawsey 2018-12-24

Who has $60,000?!?!?

1 JebKush666 2018-12-24

Just send it to me and I'll get it done...ahh...soon..

1 betadrome 2018-12-24

Perfection. Bravo.

1 xdavidjx 2018-12-24

you need to get Sleeves to record this

1 BarryMcCaulkener 2018-12-24

Fa la la

1 RimTichmond 2018-12-24

Like "A Very Cumia Christmas" but with extra Joe.

1 Opie4EvaAnthonyNever 2018-12-24

Masterpiece.

So many talented faggots in this sub.

1 3stepsbackward 2018-12-24

This is beautiful. A modern day Christmas classic. God bless us, everyone.

1 suirogerg 2018-12-24

Nana laughed, “haha, holy shit” this is great.

1 Hillarys_Brown_Eye 2018-12-24

Great job, hope this becomes a holiday classic like Alice's Restaurant.

1 darklydreamingdayln 2018-12-24

Tonight I'm going to read this out loud, Bobo style to my entire disinterested family.

1 JMueller2012 2018-12-24

Haha, holy shit indeed

1 CommodorePawsey 2018-12-24

Thro’?

1 JebKush666 2018-12-24

This is the funniest thing I've ever seen on this sub. Fucking great job. Merry Christmas, cunt. 🖤

1 lowend73 2018-12-24

Bravo

1 Jam_Boy_69 2018-12-24

Incredible

1 LearninDatPython 2018-12-24

Your name contains a made up curse word from a sci fi show you total mo

1 dugoutdougradio 2018-12-24

Hahaha. I love this place

1 lifeobenreilly 2018-12-24

Someone pin this to the front for Christmas Day. This should be shared with family.

1 shredler 2018-12-24

Everyday I’m impressed by the level of creativity this sub has. Best oc on reddit by far. You know this lil poem will get under his skin and he’ll have a longwinded windy tweet crying about it acting like he isnt bothered by it. I love it.

1 blue_magoo_62 2018-12-24

Can someone film their granny reading this beside a roaring fireplace, then she gently shuts the book, places it on a small table and wish us all a happy Christmas...please, its all I want.

1 PM_ME_MASTECTOMY 2018-12-24

My grandparents are dead.

1 blue_magoo_62 2018-12-24

Mine too, feels bad brothaman

1 BarryMcCaulkener 2018-12-24

On this blessed day I wish your family happiness and health. L'chaim to my penny pinching friends, and ooga booga to the Kumiya clan.

1 Rock-Coat 2018-12-24

Your Artistry is only surpassed by your Autism. Bravo sir. This made my Xmas Eve!

1 PM_ME_MASTECTOMY 2018-12-24

Talent

1 txjasonb 2018-12-24

I just read the original book to my kids 15 minutes ago and wow, this really captures every line really well.