He's as bent as a nine-bob note.

That just means he’s ok with sucking tranny cock and not second guessing his sexuality. He knows hes a homosexual and he’s accepting it.

I look at my whole life, and I see the awful, terrible things in my life, and I pontificate like an ass about it without being remotely funny

inhales

You're breathing in the air like you're standing on the balcony of some South American dictatorship

That’s a tough one man. On the one hand, I’m a brutal dictator. But on the other hand, the US really motherfucked South America.

exhales

"After spending my entire adult life looking for a chick with a dick to plow my asshole into oblivion and fulfill my dark disturbing sissy cum-slut fantasies, I finally feel that maybe there's more to life than trawling the internet for prostitutes."

Nothing sexier than an elderly fag with antique teeth who's known for farting.

Understand a plastic bag over your head.