and don't forget to donate to my patreon or buy my merch.

Comedians: democrats vote like this "do do dododo dodo dododo" but the republicans vote like this "de de dedede dedede dede"

It's true. We're so lame!

Every black comedian: Here's a white guy, isn't he corny? Here's a black guy, they do this, aren't they cool?

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Every comedian: Women/my wife do things i don't like. Why are women so different than how men do things and vice versa? We truly are whacky, aren't we?

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Every female comedian: I sleep around, i don't really like men but i like SEX! You know, men are disgusting, i'm disgusting but i really like SEX! Haven't you heard fellow women, we sure like SEX and chocolate/ice cream/whatever marketers are pushing onto fat slobs nowadays.

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Every Lisa Lampanelli-joke: I like black dick and i'm fat.

Ok comedy wrap it up we're done here

Hold up, we didn't get to hear from the street shitters yet

Female comic: Here's a picture of me on the toilet.

i used to take one fish oil pill per day, but after your bullying i have to take 2

Full list of comedians who know what "travesty" means:

Dennis Miller, Rick Shapiro

Stand up is so fucking dead as a form of entertainment.

I'm a big fan of "yo you ever see how brothas and white peepol walk? brothas walk cool like dis "b-boom boom ch, b-boom boom ch," white peepol be like (pulls pants up to neck) "heeey hello there Samuel fine day, time to go my accountant..."

Comedian: "I'm a fucking piece of shit without any redeemable qualities, my friends all call me a lazy cunt with no ambition or real personality, my parents think I'm an attention whoring degenerate, and my partners leave me because I act like an awful sexual deviant sociopath."

Fan taking selfie with comedian: "Here I am with my favorite comedian. Just two losers hanging out, ha ha!"

Comedian: "How dare you, civilian!"

Then stop putting your time into watching comedians you unfunny cum rag of a person.