I started skimming the article to see if Anthony really was mentioned but I got enraged by the self-obsession.
I've only really been paying attention to Artie since he started working with Ant. And since then I've only ever heard him talk about himself. He literally talks about nothing else.
He’s the perfect junkie. He’s got it “figured out”. Fuck up, proclaim your junkiedom is “completely your fault”, and you “promise to try harder”, while knowing you’re not going to change a thing.
Fuck up again.
“But the withdrawals, maaaahhhnnn. It’s so hard. It’s a physical thing.”
Fuck him. No one has ever died from heroin withdrawal. It’s a really bad flu for five days.
Get on methadone. Suboxone. Naltrexone. Stick with it. Even if it takes you ten years to get off it, at least you’re not using.
He’s done how many rehabs? No one has explained this to him?
Of course they have, but “I’m just gonna do it one last time. One last dance. I know what I’m doing. I’m a professional junkie. Not to worry.”
Rinse. Repeat.
All addicts are fucking exhausting. It’s how they like it. If you expect nothing from them, they have no reason to not blow it again.
I’d love to see Artie do the right thing, but I see a jail stint in his future, and then he’s as good as dead, anyway.
It's the exact same story over and over and over. Jersey guy, father falls off roof, MAD TV, Stern, blood sugar, drugs, broken glass, turning the corner, real tough, last chance...blah blah blah.
Currently, Lange is enrolled in an outpatient drug treatment program, "six hours deep" into 50 hours of community service. Lange is serving his community by performing comedy just a stone's throw from his home, at a senior center in Hoboken.
That's his dream audience. He can repeat the same jokes and stories as much as he wants and those mush brains won't remember.
The guy gets popped with a giant supply of dope and his sentence is outpatient treatment and telling awful jokes at a senior center...pretty good lawyer he has there.
He hears that shit from the smattering of AA meeting he's attended and from the sea of former addicts he works with in comedy, then repeats it to make folks think he's "back on track this time for good". Groundhog Day.
I would think better of Artie if he just admitted and embraced the fact that he is a thoughtless, selfish fucking pig. The grandiose romanticism like he's some kind of beautiful disaster is fucking sickening.
Agreed. Artie's junkie pride is the real reason he'll never get sober. He's also a Stage 4 mama's boy - which usually makes a man a drama queen, attention whore, self centered, neurotic mess.
14 comments
1 FloggingSchnoodles 2018-07-25
I started skimming the article to see if Anthony really was mentioned but I got enraged by the self-obsession.
I've only really been paying attention to Artie since he started working with Ant. And since then I've only ever heard him talk about himself. He literally talks about nothing else.
He's the most exhausting human being in history.
1 bonniesretardsister 2018-07-25
The show was mentioned in passing in that he was fired before sentencing.
1 jjoharanyc1 2018-07-25
He’s the perfect junkie. He’s got it “figured out”. Fuck up, proclaim your junkiedom is “completely your fault”, and you “promise to try harder”, while knowing you’re not going to change a thing.
Fuck up again.
“But the withdrawals, maaaahhhnnn. It’s so hard. It’s a physical thing.”
Fuck him. No one has ever died from heroin withdrawal. It’s a really bad flu for five days.
Get on methadone. Suboxone. Naltrexone. Stick with it. Even if it takes you ten years to get off it, at least you’re not using.
He’s done how many rehabs? No one has explained this to him?
Of course they have, but “I’m just gonna do it one last time. One last dance. I know what I’m doing. I’m a professional junkie. Not to worry.”
Rinse. Repeat.
All addicts are fucking exhausting. It’s how they like it. If you expect nothing from them, they have no reason to not blow it again.
I’d love to see Artie do the right thing, but I see a jail stint in his future, and then he’s as good as dead, anyway.
1 satanssockpuppet 2018-07-25
It's the exact same story over and over and over. Jersey guy, father falls off roof, MAD TV, Stern, blood sugar, drugs, broken glass, turning the corner, real tough, last chance...blah blah blah.
1 bonniesretardsister 2018-07-25
That's his dream audience. He can repeat the same jokes and stories as much as he wants and those mush brains won't remember.
1 SHITLORD_CUNTDICK 2018-07-25
Are you sprinklin' that shit on your oatmeal?
Did you hear about the time I fell asleep during an interview of Angie Dickinson?
1 UhLookHereMan 2018-07-25
he can score some pretty rockin' pills there too
1 satanssockpuppet 2018-07-25
The guy gets popped with a giant supply of dope and his sentence is outpatient treatment and telling awful jokes at a senior center...pretty good lawyer he has there.
1 TheDreidelMan 2018-07-25
'Have to stop listening to the bad voice'... cliche-ridden struggle. He might be the dullest junkie.
1 bonniesretardsister 2018-07-25
His AA Sponsor James N. explained it to him like he has a good boy phone and a naughty boy phone, but in his mind.
1 fudgesicle2014 2018-07-25
He hears that shit from the smattering of AA meeting he's attended and from the sea of former addicts he works with in comedy, then repeats it to make folks think he's "back on track this time for good". Groundhog Day.
1 throwawizzlemahnizzl 2018-07-25
HOLY SHIT THIS COCKSUCKER GETS A LOT OF PRESS
1 satanssockpuppet 2018-07-25
Articles you WON'T be seeing about Artie Lange...
"Lange Kills With Set Of All-New Material"
"Clean And Sober Lange Puts Drug Stories Behind Him"
"Lange Credits Cumia For Career Turnaround"
1 zoob1357 2018-07-25
I would think better of Artie if he just admitted and embraced the fact that he is a thoughtless, selfish fucking pig. The grandiose romanticism like he's some kind of beautiful disaster is fucking sickening.
1 fudgesicle2014 2018-07-25
Agreed. Artie's junkie pride is the real reason he'll never get sober. He's also a Stage 4 mama's boy - which usually makes a man a drama queen, attention whore, self centered, neurotic mess.