Go buy some silver polish, put it in a soda, go for a swim in the river/ocean, swim till you get tired, drink soda

do you want people to ever find the body? because it would be more cruel to let people think this said person was still alive somewhere

ok, do the silver polish thing i mentioned

but before that, go buy some syringes, fill a few up with any slightly brown liquid and shoot them out so the residue is there (no one is gonna test them), leave some half eaten food stewn around the house, with half smoked cigs, cig burns on you and the carpet or furniture

leave a needle in your arm or hand when you drink the polish

they will assume accidental overdose and not get an autopsy (family has to pay for those, and if it looks like an overdose the courts wont look into it as a murder)

this is your best bet imo

i dont think there is another side, i think you hit the reset button

the sad fact is your gonna feel this way for eternity unless you break out of the loop, which is easier said than done

i am surprised you remembered that tho

god speed my friend

Printing this out as proof im not delusional

they are gonna monitor what you print girl...

If the person doesn't look like a drug addict, has one fresh needle mark, and their place looks like they have been using for awhile (syringes, burn marks) that shit absolutely will raise suspicion.

well you can fix that pretty easy. just inject water like 20 times

but good fucking point

if you can max out a bunch of credit cards paying off your families debt or something like that

Umm, what?

i dont know how debt or credit works, just spit balling here

no wrong answers

carbon monoxide.

Sylvia Plath stuck her head in an oven.

gotta look accidental, no one accidentally stuffs their head in the over unless your Amy Schumer trying to eat a ham

If you're seriously asking, don't take pills, I can't stress that enough. you take to many you'll vomit it up and end up just doing permanent damage to your liver and brain, but if you don't take enough then you'll just pass out and damage your kidneys.

Hanging yourself is the most common, although the same dangers exist, if you survive then you'll have irreparable brain or spine damage. Shooting yourself is probably the only sure-fire option of killing yourself.

You say you don't want to fuck up someone's day, but someone is going to find your body eventually. You can't kill yourself without breaking one of your conditions above , it's unrealistic to think it won't negatively impact someone else.

If you don't mind me asking, why do you want to kill yourself?

Throwing yourself into a volcano would prevent someone from finding your body.

And maybe OP will be persuaded not to kill himself by a cool ocean breeze.

I was in that movie.

my method for when it comes. i got a 12ga shotgun with rifled slugs. will wait to night time and walk deep into the woods and dig a pit then do it there. in the mouth, aim for your neck, hit the brain stem. dont hit the frontal lobes or you risk just blowing your eyes out and being all fucked up.

one of my worst fears is having an autopsy done on my body, so i plan on fucking uncle pauls at funeral homes, they wont be playing with my cadaver.

Suicide helmet.

thats a damn good idea

Punch a police officer. Have him chase you into rush hour traffic, where you pull out and aim your gold plated revolver at him. As you lay bleeding on the asphalt from the cop's bullets, text your significant other with your location, and then ingest your conveniently hidden cyanide pill.

Try a couple ways out and let us know

Hold your breath.

Here's a list Church of Euthanasia's painless suicide methods. Nitrous oxide looks like a promising way.

nitros oxide is dope, but too expensive and hard to come by casually

you could buy whippets by the case at head shops/sex shops/ restaurant supply stores

but i used to do 100 of those at a time, id forget to breath and be cool with death, but you would need a tank attached to your face to do it correctly, which is out of OP’s means

At least he doesn't need to replenish his meat truck.

Try to get eaten by a bear.

The bear gets a nice meal and your death will serve a purpose.

ice pick to the neck?

Find the most dangerous thing at your job and make it a work accident. Your family will thank me.

Why would anyone wanna kill themselves? I wouldn’t sacrifice my life to save the world let alone off myself intentionally. My italian mother taught me as a child that I was the greatest, most handsome & most important person on the planet & to this day I still believe her words.

She forgot to mention that you’re also a faggot.

I come to this sub to enjoy a bunch of ruthless degenerates bashing on repressed homosexuals from a now-defunct radio show. Now, how about instead of shitposting, you acknowledge that your brain isn't producing the right amount of chemicals and walk your ass to a therapist's office and get on some meds. After two weeks, things will look different, you won't be asking stupid fucking questions to degenerate assholes on reddit, and maybe you can even get a handjob from the fat cunt at Walgreens that fills your script. I'm not promising anything, because life is a fucked up mess, but don't let these plebs have a say in how you go out. Fuck.

Heroin od in a rent a car

park car in garage. turn car on. leave for 30 minutes then when the garage is filled with co2 and n2, turn car off and breathe in fresh air.

Listen to old episodes of Opie and Jimmy.

"Accidentally" OD or poison yourself in bed after you've bribed the coroner to claim the autopsy revealed you died peacefully in your sleep from heart failure

Opiates and phenobarbital.

There's only one real way: hanging. But a lot of people are going through stuff right now. Give it a couple of weeks and see

There's no sure method that meets your criteria. Just make an exit bag. Nitrogen is cheap and easy to get, a length of hose and an airtight bag. You just go to sleep. Go out to a shed or something and leave a note on the door. Wrap yourself in garbage bags both for the poetry and also practicality.

Here's an even better plan: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/b8/83/96/b88396e4d135929731b40f706b31b184.jpg

Driving your car into a wall or off of a cliff that is by a sharp turn. People will think you lost control. Good luck man.

Helium

Throwing yourself into a volcano would prevent someone from finding your body.

And maybe OP will be persuaded not to kill himself by a cool ocean breeze.

thats a damn good idea