im a half sociopath so im a great charmer and can mask my thoughts pretty well in public. i had a slip up the other month, someone at work was showing a clip of Magic Johnson's fat and flamboyantly gay son. as it was going i said "thats where Magic's AIDs went" got 1 laugh out of 4 (3 women, one fag). it was cool until one week later HR was about to send me to watch a sensitivity video...

That’s pretty funny. Which one laughed?

I'll label the women by their attractive scale (1-10). The 9 didn't get it till it was explained and then she loled (bless her heart and that juicy 21 year old ass). The 7.5 laughed then and even the gay guy chuckled... But the 3.5 fat tub of shit was the one that complained then tired to lie and said the gay was the one that told.

Classic.

It's always the fatties. They're miserable and make it their goal in life to make others as miserable as them.

You like to write a lot of dumb comments

What he just wrote is a cardinal truth tho

Yeah if you're a redneck from the fucking Midwest. There are more elegant ways to phrase things and there are sources of information that would shed light on the topic but you guys just like to sound ignorant

Youre upset how he worded his statement about fat women being awful? And you wanted him to cite sources?

are u new to this sub?

I think your problem is you read too far into things that are a waste of time

I think reading my questions made u realize how retarded you were being.

Yeah you're probably right somebody who talks as intelligent as you really knows how to put somebody in their place

Just quit while you're behind.

I wonder how many brain cells that took for you to come up with that one.

not many because I'm dealing with you.

Well you don't look much better than the person you're trying to insult with comments like that. Pretty bad

Normally when you try to make somebody look bad you're supposed to say something smart instead of making yourself look worse than the other person. That was a pretty lame remark, please don't lie to yourself about that.

You must be a fattie or a chubby chaser. Aww that's cute.

Interesting how you think your negative opinion matters to anybody who would much rather not have dumb people like you exist in the world. You sound like you are a teenager in 2001. Love conquors all. You're just a hater of love. You're What's wrong with the united states and you give white males a bad name. Fyi i am a raw vegan food chef, not bragging, but i could care less if a chick eats hella healthy and gets fat from it. That's fucking sexy. That shows class. You think fat women are ugly because you're around a bunch of people who eat fast food and don't know anything about nutrition and you're probably one of those people also, only difference is you dont get fat from eating garbage. I'm living the life and loving everyone while you're hating on people that you feel drag you down but in reality you're dragging people down with you because you can't overcome oppression and so you oppress other oppressed people because you don't know which way is up and you can't see the devil in the details. You're just a poor fucking slum kid who will never get out of the fucking gutter. Have fun with your Civil War bullshit and being fucking rude to your neighbors help deal with the same problems you do just on different spectrums.

You still upset that I basically said you were an idiot for asking if a 4 year old had tattoos in another thread. Go somewhere else, the adults are typing.

You sound like the one that's upset. And you're also the one focusing on dumb shit I live in the moment and do you live in the past

yet you keep bringing me back here because like a pest you keep poking me with your insults. Talk about living in the past. I made that comment 21 hours ago and 2 seconds later totally forgot about it but here you are continuing to harp on it. If anyone is living in the past, it's you.

Here you are reminicing about the past.

Legit surprised you weren’t fired. Good line, though.

the HR lady had a hard time reading it out loud to me, so i know i killed it

You work at a cool place

I got a dude busting up after an inappropriate joke, he threw me under the bus by saying “I didnt think it was funny, it was just so wrong it was hilarious, thats what im laughing at” and they accepted that

Me and him were the only ones with cocks in the whole building, and he was a fat neck beard so they let him slide.

I got fired a week later for calling him a faggot, i think he was talking about magic cards or something equally as faggoty, and I casually said it just ball busting. not at all hateful.

well we had just got a new boss recently who was tig natorro level dyke. she literally hired her gf within month for some bullshit secretary “eat my pussy in the office” job.

the dude didnt even complain, some trannys who hung around the studio (friends with the boss, went to the same bdsm club, no joke) who reported me for calling a dude a fag playfully

its weird when people who promote deviant lifestyles publicly and flagrantly cant understand my deviant lifestyle, it almost like they arent that accepting of others

only two cocks in the building.... its going to fail anyway. probably better you got out of there

two cocks, yet both are cunts apparently

Look at fucking bumble. All women and their business model is beyond retarded for a number of reasons. Just beyond stupid

Oh, come on, they’re so open minded!

ive gotten fired from every job I ever had over some autistic shit

I got fired from a job as PA at a TV station for this joke

[A lady who makes massive donations to the station after her massive stroke gives a yearly award for best production pieces]

Boss: Today we are going to go over who should win the Mary Mcarthy Award

Me: Whats the award? A golden wheel chair?

Not bad, but your mistake wasn’t political incorrectness. You fucked with the money. That’ll do it.

The lady wasn’t there or I would have never said it (unless me and her were friends or something)

I guess someone could have told her, and that would fuck with the money, but thats on them for making a problem out of nothing.

We had just gotten a new bull dyke boss, it was definitely political

If I went to the local BDSM group I could have probably kept my job, but I met with the people who let you in, and they were fat old bitches with no teeth. They basically said “people might be fucking animals, is that ok with you”

Arkansas is a sewer

Hahaha you seriously considered joining a bdsm group to the point where you actually talked to the people who would let you in before just getting another job? Maybe you are autistic as fuck. “People might be fucking animals, is that okay with you?” No, it is not and it should not be okay with you either. You should have called the police...

I am into sex clubs once in awhile

I was looking into joining to do scenes and meet subs (i was 18 btw). first they mentioned “no drinking allowed”, which was like “ok, that makes sense when your literally beating someone and need to known when they are giving you safe word.

once they mentioned the beastiality play, I was out of there quick.

There was no real way to get evidence my boss was involved besides just knowing the scene, no one in that group would corroborate my clams.

I didn’t find out until much later how many people I worked with were in the group, plus beastiality is legal in my state

The world is gross

18 is way too young to be that jaded about sex my dude and I can’t believe beastiality is legal anywhere in the US, sickening. Good stories though man, funny shit.

18 is way too young to be that jaded about sex

Never been jaded a about sex, women’s attitudes maybe, not never sex

I was always just a freaky dude who likes to explore different things.

I’m kind of glad I started young, I’m 28 now and bored on needed to have threesomes, do BdSm games, going to sex clubs, having multiple girlfriends

I know what to do if I get the itch again, and I still do some kinky shit once in awhile, but its always too much work cause 9 times out of 10 they suck in bed

Nah, I save my toxicity for when I get drunk/high with friends.

I've convinced them to hate Jews, liberals, faggots, and niggers, someone should give me a medal.

its not hard if you're an honest person

Convince your enemies and Ill give you a blowie behind the bleachers

My little brother picked up on my jew hatred and had been reciting some of my ides. Against my very being I had to tell him that it wasn't all jews and that I was joking so that he doesn't take that out into the world and get in trouble at school.

My old job was a constant flow of jokes, antics, and ball busting.

New job I learned to keep my mouth shut and act like a robot after I accidentally called my boss a nigger. You live and you learn

Why was your boss being such a nigger?

Because that's what he was!

Are you assuming his boss is a man?! That’s racist.

I bet he didn't show him the statistics.

Louis CK could explain why. Whenever he’s done groveling for no reason.

Civilians don't understand, amirite?

Of course. I've been called a klan member at meetings and the bosses just put their heads into their hands when I speak.

At my job the roach coach guy always has to make a comment about titty bar money when he pulls out his wad of cash

Well one day i tried to hand him a 20 and hes like "that's the smallest you got?" I said "yeah i was working the vip room" 😂

One guy expressed concern that one of the chemicals we work with causes birth defects and he wants to have another baby. I came up with such gems as does he wear a mask on his nutsack? Better make a hazardous materials sign for his jizzrag disposal and joking that he'd try to file a worker's comp claim of the baby came out black

I came up with such gems as does he wear a mask on his nutsack?

Pretty good for a girl

Bams_seed killing it today. Let’s go to the phones ...

SNOWAAAAAAY!!!

I hear ya. One time I asked a female colleague, "so, workin' hard or hardly workin?'" Long story short, she promptly had a miscarriage and I had to clean out my desk by noon.

She should have cleaned her afterbirth out of your desk herself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJokRFEAupg

That don't make no sense

wohhoooo thats craaayzeeee

If you have a desk job, just check in here every few hours. Your brain will still be polluted but at least it will have a vent for the awful shit.

Hiss brain is so pollooded...

I work in a strict environment that is mostly female, so they think talking about Chris Pratt is racy. I let them think so. I need a refefence soon, so I play nice.

At my job all we do is fix expensive as fuck cars and talk how are we going to find 16 year olds to fuck (age of consent is 16). Racism is not frowned upon so long as you don't call rich customers niggers, not that they are anyway.

Knowing age of consent laws offhand? Whadya know, we got ourselves another subscriber.

I mean, I live in a country with single law not bunch of independent states.

Single law? What is it, the golden rule?! Tsssssss

More like golden shower rule!

FAWKKKK YEA!!!

No it's that you get thrown in jail if you make fimun of Muslims

The subject of homeless people came up waiting in line to punch out for the day because few of us passed some walking across a bridge with their shit after big storm, one woman said they had a mattress in a shopping cart, i laughed said yeah i saw them with big piss,shit stained mattress, it got quiet then heard oh my god those poor people,they need help,its so sad

My grievance with people like your coworkers is they aren’t going to help him either but they want to grovel about it to make themselves feel better.

Thing about it is most of them live in trailers and are one step away from the homeless

Probably make a post and a hashtag to pat themselves on the back.

I say faggot and nigger way more than is appropriate for the city i live in

look out for this guy

Yeah doing job interviews the prospective employee said she had twin 7 year old daughters at home and I was like “Twins? Fuckin’ NICE dude!”

Most people have a shitty sense of humor, is what it is.

My coworker today was talking about DisneyWorld\Land and Busch Gardens and Fast track passes. He could have gone anywhere for vacation and he went to Orlando and took a bus to Tampa, and then thought we'd be interested. I have a low tolerance for people's cornball conversations. It's good motivation to work harder and someday have my own office.

Orlando is easily one of the most depressing places on Earth.

Not at work, but a few years ago my wife and I were in a Target (fancy, I know) and there was this toy that was talking. It wasn’t the new Teddy Ruxpin it was another bear and he said a few phrases, in a toddler-like way where he had trouble with his R’s. One particularly annoying phrase was “can I have a dwink of water?” I said, more loudly than I planned, “Do ya? Do you want a DWink, shithead?” My wife and the guys in the aisle laughed but the women looked like I had killed a puppy in front of them.

Did the whole store start clapping too?

And then the guy with the video camera in the closet fell out and threw up and then that made me throw up, and the guys in the aisle fell down and my wife threw up right on the camera and ruined the tape! Otherwise I'd totally show you the tape.

“The only thing I would fuck her with is a steak knife.” I was pretty surprised my female boss laughed but she also hates the bitch I was talking about so that definitely helped. Someone once said to me, “did you just say the n word?” I was quoting a Tupac song but it was pretty unnecessarily irresponsible on my end since I didn’t think twice about it. Also when I get black paint on my hands I say I’m going to be late tomorrow but have the common sense to only say it to my friends and the one black guy isn’t around to hear it because he’s always late.

Also when I get black paint on my hands I say “I’m going to be late tomorrow”

That's a great bit.

I have a can of black paint in my car at all times for this reason

lol at my job there was this older lady who... oh wait, I don't have a job. I don't have a family or loved ones either. All I have is this bottle of whiskey

Good. The rest of it is horseshit.

What did u do that made then turn their backs on u? I’m gonna guess that ur a kid diddler

Ya my autism slipped out once. A guy I didn’t even know all that well was telling a story of how he was called a nigger by someone and I laughed really hard.

My mom was telling me about the Boston bombings the day or so it happened and I was high as fuck. When she started talking about people getting their legs blown off I couldn't help but laugh hysterically. I don't even know why, probably just really good weed.

First time I met my girlfriend's boss, they were trying to relate and started talking about standup and I decided that would be a good time to go into detail about how Patton Oswalt killed his wife.

When weaponized autism backfires

You guys make great broccoli cheddar soup.

I do it every weekend at the bar. They just assume it's my East Coast yankee sense of humor. I live in North Texas now, it's very snowflakey here.

when I was younger I thought child molestation jokes were funny and on my first day told a boss a joke. he wasn't laughing so I accused him of having an erection.

I do my work and leave. I don't need anyone knowing that I get my jollies from racist rape jokes

I laughed when I heard that the new priest in town was a pedophile, and don't support it but people thought I did.

MY WHOLE LIFE.

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My autism got me laid at my last job. She was dumb as a stump but a good girl and she liked my awful sense of humor. Our whole crew was pretty cool. We had a mandatory seminar on sexual harassment one day and we all just sexually harassed each other incessantly for the next week.

I've noticed there definitely is one "chip" at just about any workplace. Thank god I can clearly tell who it is, because that means it ain't me. Tbh if you feel like you are too autistic to interact with your coworkers, you definitely are that guy.

I can’t work around people.

An older guy that is a former welder got hired at my job and he is exactly like regular Joe and it's infuriating. He even used the "just don't call me late for supper!" line today.

Dude my friends and I are always scared we're gonna say something really fucked up in public. I've come close a couple times

I go the opposite route, I tell black people not to use the n word at work because it offends me. I've been transfered to another panera location because of it.

Proudest moment at work was discovering another O&A fan at the office. We became instant friends and then blew each other in the bathroom.