And hey say Tits has no self awareness. Him and Nana both have such unwarranted arrogance when their both monsters. No "woman" would give either of them the time of day without knowing their bank account balances.

True there is 0 self awareness. And you gotta have more money than jim if you look like and are as old as he is.

Just imagine being some young naive girl trying to make it in the big city.... Jim asks you out and you know nothing about him whatsoever.... you see he has a bit of extra foldin money than the average guy you meet at the diner so you say yes just more out of curiosity than anything else. Figure, what harm could come of one date with this clearly non physically dangerous person? Then you begin to learn about him.... what do you think his sequence of events would be for trying to impress a nice young lady who knows nothing about you? Show off his celebrity pictures would be first I assume....

He takes her to see his friends at the Cellar Table. “Nice date, stupid.”

10 guys staring at twitter and emailing their agents? Tough table

She finds out his name. Googles him--

Blocks number

"Tiger Blood!?!"

On page one...

1. A link you a youtube clip about his ex girlfriend that starts with him saying this: "My ex-girlfriend wanted to fuck me with a strap-on."

2. He has a stand up special called "Mouthful of Shame"

3. He did an interview with Esquire where Esquire magazine called him "The American Degenerate" and a "filthy, sex-crazed maniac who is obsessed with urine."

4. Daily Beast Article: "Jim Norton and His Many Vices." Jim talks about hookers.

Oh yeah, the 23 year old waitresses are going to fall head over heels in love with him after that google search.

That Jim Norton's a real catch! How can he possibly still be single!?

She's gonna wind up like Rosanna Arquette in Life Lessons.

I imagine that the inside of his apartment looks the the inside of robin Williams apartment in One Hour Photo.... but it’s just pictures of Jim with celebrities....

Great movie

Or be able to put them in the movie. Even that whore Mary Jean won't fuck to get on his shitty show.

He romances and lusts after familiar young women in his life instead of just trying to look better and go out somewhere without needing a travel buddy. Go do something, lonely. Stop whining nobody is with you.

He's not bad looking. The weightloss and aging has really helped but like Patrice said.. at 40.. you're an older gentleman now, you gotta start playing daddy. If Jim put on a Polo instead of an Ozzy shirt, his appeal would double. He needs to stop dressing like he wish he could have in high school.

"Would you ever date a man 6 inches shorter than you, 50 pounds lighter than you, and a quarter century older than you, or no?"

6.0 inches = 15.24 centimetres.

^{I'm a bot. Downvote to 0 to delete this comment. Info}

"Is AIDS a deal-breaker for you?"

"And just for future reference, I'd like to be buried with all of my autographs."

I hope he's buried by his autographs.

"How about you - do you have any hobbies?

Because if you like doing anything fun or interesting, that would be a deal-breaker for me."

"Sure I'll go for a drink with you..."

"Oh no can do. I had rum raisin ice cream when i was 16 and my sobriety means everything to me now"

“How about endless AIDS jokes? Is that a deal breaker?”

"Because I'm probably going to make the same one every time I take my medication, which is about every six hours on the dot"

"Any chance you've got a cock under that skirt?"

arms frantically moving

eyes rolling and blinking in head like a madman

only if he looks like Robert Blake in Lost Highway

a girl will actually look past all those things without second thought. i dont think many can look past blatant homosexuality unless they agree to be cover

Is obsessed with-Celebrity Photos,Airline Sevice,hotel service,Gyms with the appropriate size smoothies,Trans porn/Patronage,Water play,into all things scat and pegging.

Girls say yes to this

“...and who hasn’t a single shred of personal dignity left after using it to prop up a fraudulent career in comedy based on stolen persona and hedonism.

"I heard your mother was killed. comment?"

One matzo ball soup, no matzo balls please

If he started dating Stalker Patti I'd say she would be too good for him.

Lady Di is out of his league.

You mean American Degenerate.

How big is her cock?

Are mentally ill men in dresses allowed to work in the food sector?

Answering unironically, yes they are, unfortunately. They often get caught spiking the food and beverages they bring with their he-she drugs.

Actors and musicians can pull off getting hot broads in their 20s. The way Jim and Tranth look and behave their bank accounts put them in the successful small business owner status. The proof is in the pudding with Ant and his stable of unstable hoes. I haven't seen a woman older than 35 naked in person but the ones who take care of themselves seem really fuckable.

Missy look pretty good though

Is that the one has fucking now? The one with the Tim Curry face on a woman's body?

She’s a boring 5 who has displayed hostility and insanity in the past, and she’s clearly a gold digger.

She also shits constantly. Every time she was on Chip's Podacast she had to leave to go drop some hammers.

Honestly both of them make enough money to pull a 20 something year old that is decent looking. Maybe less likely in New York, but 500K a year is more than enough in most places to get a trophy wife type.

Non-celebrities can pull that shit off too.

My friend's dad back in high school was divorced and in his mid-forties. Guy had an average job, but worked out daily and had a super strict diet. He was also pretty funny and cool to be around.

I probably saw 7-8 different good-looking girls between 25-35 over their house throughout my time hanging out there. I'm sure there were plenty more. It can't be too hard to attract younger girls when 99% of guys 30+ look like complete messes.

So he was Reverse Jim

In true hack fashion he is just becoming Charle from IASiP and then will say he's never seen it.

Don’t bother, Jimmy, every waiter and waitress who has dealt with you hates you. Specific ordering, pushy, asking if shit has alcohol in it ass nigga.

So my train of thought is that this is desperate and pathetic and he’s doomed to get rejected but compared to his recent behavior (fawning over a male prostitute) this is surprisingly normal.

And yet it points to Jim’s endless cluelessness that he thinks he has a shot at happiness. He’s clearly lonely and looking for a long term, even life long relationship with a normal woman, but he sabotaged it with his bizarre fetishes and behavior. I mean, let’s say this girl would go for an ugly, weird looking guy with a grating attitude twice her age. At some point she’s going to find it that as recently as only a few months ago he was making serious plans to marry a mentally ill male prostitute. She will run away screaming! How does he think that makes a woman feel? First of all, it’s sick and weird. Secondly, it would make the girl feel like she’s second best to an insane gay Norwegian abomination. No one wants to be a silver medal, and especially not when the gold medal is a man with tits.

If all of Jim’s disgusting behavior occurred in the distant past, he could be able to say to a woman, “yeah I went through a phase where I thought I was gay but I got over it.” But you were doing this gay disgusting shit like last November, Jimmy. You self unaware grubworm of a human, you faggot. I hope you enjoyed your years, decades of extreme sexual degeneracy, because it has made you completely unappealing to normal young women. Was getting blown by men worth it, queer?

"You self unaware grubworm of a human, you faggot." I love the double boot to the face. Fantastic.

boy you nailed it. Jim toots his own horn about his sobriety all day but its clear he traded in his meager alcohol addiction for a degrading sexual addiction. I'd be much more empathetic to a hard drinker how doesn't take Prep.

If Jim tooted less horns he might have ever developed a real relationship with another human being.

This is best read with pacinos voice in mind.

Poor gal probably smiled at him to get a nice tip. Make laughed at one of his stupid little jokes.

Little does she know that miniscule amount of interaction lead to hours upon hours of obsessive edging masturbation. I can only imagine how strong the obsession must be if he's bringing it up on the show.

Hes only bringing it up because he told her to listen. So if she hears it he doesnt actually have to ask her, he'll have asked her through the show....yknow, like a child.

If there's one thing women who work in the service industry love, it's getting hit on by customers.

I always write my number on the receipt under a 3% tip.

Next time keep the 3% and write “I got a tip for ya” in there instead. Let her know you’re not just some civilian.

Dude, don't follow this advice. It's dangerous to try comedy without proper training. Leave it to the pro's.

Nice advice, stupid.

Literally the last person he should hit on.

Next thing Jim will be mad at:

-Woman being disgusted by his gay past.

Did you mean a waiter?

Does anyone else tip less if the whore bringing your sandwich tries to flirt with you? Don't patronize me, bitch.

"Do you want to maybe have a drink with me sometime? Well, not a drink, as I'm deathly afraid of alcohol... How about a meal? Would you like to watch me dip a fork in salad-dressing sometime? Maybe cringe as I whine to the wait-staff like a primadonna, until you're genuinely afraid they're going to shit in our food?"

Hit me up, Norton, and I'll feed you some surefire pickup lines.

Jim Norton's a fucking fairy.

I remember hyping myself up like that when I was 18.

This reminds me of when he went over to some 20 year old girl's apartment and she was drinking and smoking with friends. The geriatric teetotaler sat there with his salad and nuts like a freak. There was also another guy there who Norton felt was cucking him the entire time. He is such a detestable loser.

Wasn't this story where he left all mad and to show his protest he didn't shut the door all the way? And then he later texted the girl "look at the bright side, I'm not there anymore so it's not awkward."

He's worse than a passive aggressive woman.

Meanwhile the younger guy was probably getting his dick sucked by her.

Yeah and he forgot his stupid salad.

Ooof

Fair play to the ol' coot for taking his nuts out at least.

I hope shes a lesbian

If she's not, she will be soon.

I'm sure he already won her over the moment she approached the 50 year old man dining by himself.

"I'll have a sparkling water, butdoyouknowifitsfromfountainorfromabottle? If its the fountain, I'll just have a bottled non-sparkling water instead, preferably Fiji. But if its a sparkling water from the bottle, can you check and see if it's a sodium free sparkling water? I, uh, can't have sodium because, you know.... heh heh. Gotta watch what you eat. Healthy body, healthy mind, am I right? ^{Yeeech, I'm such a zilch I should be shot.} So, uh, do you know if the spinach and artichoke dip is made with fresh artichokes, or are they at least Nicaraguan? Also, can I get whole wheat 12-grain gluten-free pita with that? Thanks."

https://i.imgur.com/nE1kNIh.gifv

We got to admire his tremendous optimism or lack of self-awareness.

The "no" is guaranteed, you gotta keep swingin' kids!

Imagine what a struggling no-name comic Jim Norton would have remained if he would have showed everyone his real personality back then instead of stealing his persona from his more successful surly comic friends. Who would listen to this shit?!

I get that all comics put on an exaggerated version of themselves but Norton's character was as fake as Larry the Cable Guy. Salted pretzels and clean living. That's the real Jim Norton. He is unlovable.

Call me old fashioned, I don't think women really want a relationship with a 50 yo man who travels the world to find love from Russian trans-sex workers.

Waitress? He said he eats at the place but does take out. That make her a counter girl. And yes she’s constantly busy as she is taking orders and getting them out the door.

I can understand a man wanting a young and attractive girlfriend, but why would a woman want to be with a man twice her age? What does she think is going to happen in her relationship? Is she going to spend the rest of his life in a relationship? I know woman prefer more successful, mature men, but if they are going to die 20 years earlier, what's the point?

Did Splits run out of tokens and lose his Prince status?

"Would you like to talk incessantly about shitty 70's and 80's bands, discuss my tumultuous relationship with both Bartles and James I had for a month, allow me to shoehorn in depraved and unhealthy sexual discussion into any topic and being oddly picky about everything? Sex? I'll just jerk off while you tell me about better men you've gone on dates with"

How soon before he mentions ass-eating?

There has to be a woman in her mid thirties/40’s that he could try to ask out. I really want to know what goes on in his head that he realistically has a shot with these women. He’s in New York, there are plenty of options for this girl who has his bank account. He needs to set his sights higher age wise. Someone closer to his age could have more to offer anyways

You spelled waiter wrong, dude.

But she will be so impressed with the tales of all the whores he fucked. That'll sweep her right off her feet.

"Hey you wanna split my valtrex with me?

Just another example of his selfishness. He doesn’t see anything thing wrong with pulling an otherwise innocent young woman into his sick and hedonistic lifestyle that only serves his own desires.

Norton doesn’t know what it’s like to serve anyone but himself. It’s really getting gross.

She also shits constantly. Every time she was on Chip's Podacast she had to leave to go drop some hammers.

"Sure I'll go for a drink with you..."

"Oh no can do. I had rum raisin ice cream when i was 16 and my sobriety means everything to me now"