Anthony: gets convicted of statutory rape and goes to prison, where black guys sexually assault him on a daily basis. Not standard rape, but really degrading stuff like deep tounge kissing.

Opie: becomes so desperate to get a viral video, he releases the Bam sex tape. It instantly goes viral, but it reminds Lynsi how good she was fucked by Bam. She leaves Opie for Bam and takes half of Opies money.

Jimmy: he pisses off the Jews so much that he is blacklisted from all of Hollywood. He then finds out he’s actually HIV positive, and they had messed up his previous tests.

Sam: finally gets his big moment, and gets to be in an actual WWE event. He goes to make a big entrance from the ceiling and does the ‘ol Owen Hart.