In honor of Sam's appearance/behavior at Rasslemania this weekend...Who is the corniest dude you've ever met?

0  2018-04-10 by WhippingHuskies

And by corny, I don't mean like an Intern David type dude, on account that he knew he was a dweeb, but someone who desperately thought they were cool, but were just awful. Off the top of my head, two gentlemen come to mind. One was when my buddy who went to St. Johns University discovered this lil gem of a singles spot/happy hour. It was this Irish pub type place that was full of students, except when they'd do a singles happy hour that was full of 30-50 year olds on Thursday afternoons, for a few hours. I'd get off work, take the subway to my friends and drive from there. It was guaranteed pussy as the place was populated by desperate, drunken slobs, some who were rather hot. Anyway there was this guy who was a regular attendee who was every bad stereotype of a PUA. He was balding, about 45, but had a ponytail, would "peacock" wearing 2 arm fulls of bracelets, watches. He would wear dress shirts with disgusting designs, including dragons and flames, YEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!, and was just awful in every other way, besides him being tall, like 6'3 or so, and wasn't an ugly guy otherwise. He'd only talk about women and ways to seduce them, talking to my friends and I, who were in our late teens, or very early 20's as if he was our mentor. I eventually became quite chummy with this group of 40 something divorcees, all local elementary school teachers ofc, and worked my way through the entire group. Whenever I was about to leave with one, he'd always pull me aside and give me a prep talk on how to bang em out properly and how he had given me a handoff, as the girl in question had been " giving him eyes" all night. He was a pretty nice guy, overall, and If I remember correctly had a decent gig, and would buy us drinks, and give us a bump from his jar weekly, but the dude was Sam levels of corniness and delusion about his style/appearance. The other guy that comes to mind was the black version of this guy. He was middleaged dude who looked like Forest Whitaker minus any charm or the cool voice. I met him on a job site and the guy would wax poetical about women every second anyone would spare him. The worst part was people actually believed him as most of the guys were from Rockland County, Suffolk County, and from bumblefuck Jersey, so thought the black guy from Brooklyn had to know something they didn't. Again, nice guy, just insanely delusional. His babymama would often come onto the site to wait for him after his shift, which only fueled speculation amongst the other guys that he was actually hip, as she was this smoking hot 30 year old light skinned Dominican. Looked a lot like Felicia from the infamous Vito BJ Sopranos site. I knew something was up, and one day when no one was around, as I didn't wanna embarrass the dude as he was otherwise an awesome cat, I asked him to see a picture of his son. He reluctantly showed me a pic, but added before he handed it to me, that his grandfather was white and other grandmother was mixed. I saw the pic and his "son" was white. As bad as colorism is amongst Blacks, Hispanics, south Asians, SE Asians, nobody could hold a candle to Dominicans and Cubans. What happened was this chick went out looking for some white dude to procreate with and saddled this poor guy down knowing he had a good gig and was an otherwise stellar person. I'm sure he was always this way to a certain degree, but I think being cucked set him over the edge was why he overcompensated with his bravado.

5 comments

The guy who owned the farm next to us growing up. Ma and pa would send me down yonder a few times a year to pick up some of his locally famous sweet corn on the cob that he would kindly supply us and other townsfolk with.

It actually took me a minute to get it. I'm very stupid.

Paragraphs.....learn

I know this dude Cornelius Cornicorncorncorn, he was pretty corny but also a rapist.

You post stinks, but so did my thread.

It actually took me a minute to get it. I'm very stupid.