Artie lies about the weirdest shit
14 2018-03-25 by littlepeteferguson
He said he stabbed himself to stop the heroin withdrawal misery or whatever and he didn't actually want to kill himself. Then recently he said he lied and he actually was trying to commit suicide. Then there was that weird jail story about the guard ordering some thugs to beat his ass in prison, and he said he shaved only the top of his head because they were pulling him by the hair. I have heard the explanations for why he lied about these things, and it still doesn't make sense because isn't being a 50 year old with a decade plus long heroin addiction humiliating enough? I know addicts lie all the time, but it's usually to protect themselves from the consequences of their own actions. He seemingly lies for no reason. Is it just a reflex? I don't understand.
20 comments
1 FoetusCorruptus 2018-03-25
He's no longer funny, so his career is now basically "feel sorry for me, my life is a mess". These stories are to keep people interested in him in the absence of his humor.
1 juanwayne 2018-03-25
Hes been an addict for basically his entire adult life. He must have immense brain damage. He does not have the ability to discern lies from truths and facts from fiction. He reminds me of the tasmanian devil.
1 Yaseetheo 2018-03-25
When I try to be deep I always compare things with a Looney Tunes character. I kid.
1 IbDotLoyingAwright 2018-03-25
Tssss. Yor good!
1 juanwayne 2018-03-25
Watch yourself. I recently joined NWO red and black. We will kick your ass.
1 SibHashian13 2018-03-25
I was going to say that also. I wouldn't really call them outright lies as much as much as its just a horrible memory
1 numba13 2018-03-25
In his book he says he wasnt even thinking about killing himself. He just heard that you get REALLY HIGH right before death and he wanted that high.
1 IbDotLoyingAwright 2018-03-25
Big if true
1 numba13 2018-03-25
It is 100% true
1 all_copacetic 2018-03-25
He wrote in the book that he stabbed himself because he wanted to lose enough blood to finally sleep. Then in the afterward, he admitted that he was lying about that and was trying to kill himself. That was quite noble. But now I've noticed that he's back to claiming it was to get some sleep. He's just a pathological liar. He can't help himself.
1 rahtin 2018-03-25
Did he Google medical texts from the 1300s to find ways to cure insomnia?
1 DrSvarheeny 2018-03-25
Boo
1 rahtin 2018-03-25
Tsss bloodletting humor
1 RacistCyberbully 2018-03-25
He didn’t try to kill himself. He knew his mommy was coming over. She’s the one that found him. He poked himself for attention. He knew damn well she was coming over.
1 Jungies 2018-03-25
Didn't he say he drank bleach straight after stabbing himself?
1 blink182man 2018-03-25
I looked up a Rolling Stone article..
1 HappensHappen 2018-03-25
Every day I drive by the Dow factory and boo them for not making their bleach strong enough.
1 zackb1991 2018-03-25
Y'know, I'm starting to think this Artie Lange fella may be up to no good.
1 joomommyhappy 2018-03-25
His lies are as out of control as he is. He can't keep them straight, so now they're morphing into/blending in with other lies, or he'll change the characters to fit the conversation.
He'll tell one story about Dana on Monday, change it to Adrienne on Tuesday, then forget he told both by Wednesday.
But luckily, he's out "sick" that day.
Also, because he has the same lies in heavy rotation, he tries to pump them up with a new layer of lies on top that he pitifully tries to sell as truth.
And, like everybody else in the O&A universe, he's desperate for a win, however small, so he lies like it's an HBO special or a sit-com pilot he's hoping gets picked up, which makes it all the more pathetic.
He's trying to out-lie his fuck-ups, which is impossible.
1 EYEATEYOGURLZMUFF 2018-03-25
It's almost as if drug addicts aren't rational thinkers 🤔