This one time, me and Lars Galbrich, lead singer for Turquoise at the time, we're back there fucking these dead bodies and he looks at me and says "pretend its ketchup" and this dead chick is blowing me while i fuck her and I turns to him and says "Ketchup.. what are you like fuckin' 5 years old?".
This other time, me and this other comic are opening at Garbageddon and we're backstage and while we're backstage just hanging out backstage and shit, Marzlit Keulerz is just standin there outside his room, he was the 3rd base on fuckin' Devils Base which is arguably their 4th best album of all-time. so he says, come on in and we're sittin there, so I'm already fuckin wasted after like 18 beers already and he brings out 18 kgs of pure colombian and i do half of that before doing some more beers.. not regular beers but those tall boy cans and its like 8% alcohol so then I turn around and here's Dorny Ulf.. the lead singer of course and he says 'wanna stick of gum?' and I say right to his face 'gum.. what are you a 5 year old girl?' fuck that.
So I'm watching a sportsball game and memorizing the names of assistant coaches repeatedly drilling my brain with 'What year what year? what year was that? remember what season and year so I can say it when nobody gives a fuck and and I look over and my nephew , who's like fuckin 5 years old wants to go outside and throw a ball and I'm like 'toy balls, what are you fucking 5 months old?". That's back when Dickerson was assistant training coach for Englington which wasss... damn.. what year what year was that? gahhh
So what you're getting at is, Jim says "what are you, five?" a lot.
Ya but I'm hoping the bit gels into something saying he's 50 years old who's still 15 years old. 15 year old's try to find things that kids do and not do them to show they aint kids anymore. Also, he's the dullest comic to ever drone on for so damn long.
One time me and this other comic were doing a gig at Woodstock and so in our spare time we'd just walk around and these chicks in a tent wanted us to fuck them. So, I'd done like 3 caps and some beers and I'm like 'sure' and start fuckin them. Then the other comic he starts fuckin them too, then i look over and there's Mike Otsberry the goddamn lead singer for Womper just sitting there watchin us. So he starts fuckin these chicks too so now all three of our dicks are slammin this chick and are dicks get tangled inside her and so we gotta slam together like in unison.. but I'm so baked on the 3 Tabs, 100 caps and 39 beers that I'm like totally fuckin this bitch wrong, then we,, i sweartagawd... we hear this voice from somewhere behind us "The Slotback Play aint gonna work if you don't run the downs in order!" and we all look up and sweartagawd heres fuckin whasisname ahhh.. Dan Belichanko the 3rd assistant training coach for the Bears whatYearWasThat.. like in 89-90 seasons when they were 8 and 2 before they lost Dylocheck .. anyways, so at this point, we're still slammin this chick and the Viko Larsberg, the studio drummer for ThunderFist on their 2nd album back in 87' looks at me and says "do you want some baby oil and I just look at him and say "What are you.. 5 years old? gahhhhh".
I can't say I blame him for that. If you fucked my wife you bet I'd be doing a scorched earth policy and if me talking to your boss is as bad as it gets you're lucky.
I agree with both sides here, I don't blame florentine for trying to retaliate on the guy, but it wasn't really the cops fault either, she was just a whore at the gym
Those support groups for when you get cheated on tell people to go to their wife and her young lover's family, friends and workplace and tell everybody what happened. Seems like great advice that surely won't cause anyone any further difficulties.
He taped a special and then put it out 5 years later and all the material was dated and he had toilet paper stuck to his shoe the entire show. He's a real professional.
44 comments
1 Chippysez3741 2018-02-18
Chip florentine........ what are ya, 5 years old and shiznit.. tssssssss. Take us out piggy boy
1 JuiceBusters 2018-02-18
This one time, me and Lars Galbrich, lead singer for Turquoise at the time, we're back there fucking these dead bodies and he looks at me and says "pretend its ketchup" and this dead chick is blowing me while i fuck her and I turns to him and says "Ketchup.. what are you like fuckin' 5 years old?".
This other time, me and this other comic are opening at Garbageddon and we're backstage and while we're backstage just hanging out backstage and shit, Marzlit Keulerz is just standin there outside his room, he was the 3rd base on fuckin' Devils Base which is arguably their 4th best album of all-time. so he says, come on in and we're sittin there, so I'm already fuckin wasted after like 18 beers already and he brings out 18 kgs of pure colombian and i do half of that before doing some more beers.. not regular beers but those tall boy cans and its like 8% alcohol so then I turn around and here's Dorny Ulf.. the lead singer of course and he says 'wanna stick of gum?' and I say right to his face 'gum.. what are you a 5 year old girl?' fuck that.
So I'm watching a sportsball game and memorizing the names of assistant coaches repeatedly drilling my brain with 'What year what year? what year was that? remember what season and year so I can say it when nobody gives a fuck and and I look over and my nephew , who's like fuckin 5 years old wants to go outside and throw a ball and I'm like 'toy balls, what are you fucking 5 months old?". That's back when Dickerson was assistant training coach for Englington which wasss... damn.. what year what year was that? gahhh
Holy fuck what is this guy, 15 years old?
1 TittyMtnhighway 2018-02-18
So what you're getting at is, Jim says "what are you, five?" a lot.
1 JuiceBusters 2018-02-18
Ya but I'm hoping the bit gels into something saying he's 50 years old who's still 15 years old. 15 year old's try to find things that kids do and not do them to show they aint kids anymore. Also, he's the dullest comic to ever drone on for so damn long.
1 KangolVos 2018-02-18
Better than being 5, amirite?!
1 fish_flower 2018-02-18
Suuuuure
1 JuiceBusters 2018-02-18
One time me and this other comic were doing a gig at Woodstock and so in our spare time we'd just walk around and these chicks in a tent wanted us to fuck them. So, I'd done like 3 caps and some beers and I'm like 'sure' and start fuckin them. Then the other comic he starts fuckin them too, then i look over and there's Mike Otsberry the goddamn lead singer for Womper just sitting there watchin us. So he starts fuckin these chicks too so now all three of our dicks are slammin this chick and are dicks get tangled inside her and so we gotta slam together like in unison.. but I'm so baked on the 3 Tabs, 100 caps and 39 beers that I'm like totally fuckin this bitch wrong, then we,, i sweartagawd... we hear this voice from somewhere behind us "The Slotback Play aint gonna work if you don't run the downs in order!" and we all look up and sweartagawd heres fuckin whasisname ahhh.. Dan Belichanko the 3rd assistant training coach for the Bears whatYearWasThat.. like in 89-90 seasons when they were 8 and 2 before they lost Dylocheck .. anyways, so at this point, we're still slammin this chick and the Viko Larsberg, the studio drummer for ThunderFist on their 2nd album back in 87' looks at me and says "do you want some baby oil and I just look at him and say "What are you.. 5 years old? gahhhhh".
1 soflodude23 2018-02-18
waste of life
1 ChippusMaximus 2018-02-18
Go retweet Opie.
1 uncle_touchy_dance 2018-02-18
You’re good you
1 ChippusMaximus 2018-02-18
You gotta nigga cryin over here.
1 RapistWithHIV 2018-02-18
I can't wait for RapistWithAIDS to defend this dad rocking cornball & tell us that Kiss is one of the most important bands of all time.
1 FoetusCorruptus 2018-02-18
His opinion on ketchup is his only redeeming quality. You should be a social outcast for using ketchup.
1 juschippinyababe 2018-02-18
I'll use it for places that have terrible fucking fries and that's about it.
1 red_eleven 2018-02-18
God damnit!
1 DeafandMutePenguin 2018-02-18
Ketchup is better than salsa.
1 ChippusMaximus 2018-02-18
They found North America thanks to spices. If they knew about Ketchup they would've built a functional ladder to the moon.
1 enzo_trash 2018-02-18
probably lead to his obsession with hating anything a kid would like
1 SGFTI 2018-02-18
I'm an adult, I use mustard.
1 NiggaMullen 2018-02-18
There's an NYPD radio code for fucking Jammin' Jim's wife.
1 eastriverdriveII 2018-02-18
He's dating Kate Quigley now, who is one of the most annoying comics out there. He's a glutton for punishment.
1 jimy3000 2018-02-18
sure? looks like Lauren.. for some reason I can't figure out yet
1 1475315963 2018-02-18
really long oval face
1 jimy3000 2018-02-18
thank God.. his marriage is stable..
1 Chippysez3741 2018-02-18
His exwife sleeps in a race car bed
1 BoatHack2 2018-02-18
Top post IMO
1 no_one_inparticular 2018-02-18
Remember that this ultra cool tough guy’s response to his wife cheating on him with a cop was to go cry to the guy’s bosses and try to get him fired.
1 DeafandMutePenguin 2018-02-18
I can't say I blame him for that. If you fucked my wife you bet I'd be doing a scorched earth policy and if me talking to your boss is as bad as it gets you're lucky.
1 RapistWithAIDS 2018-02-18
Cuck rage
If someone fucks your wife you should thank him for teaching you a lesson about her, about yourself and about life
1 DeafandMutePenguin 2018-02-18
I think that's stupid. Blame both.
1 rahtin 2018-02-18
Don't blame other guys for your wife being a whore. Women have dick thrown at them their whole lives, a grown woman knows how to say no to sex.
1 DeafandMutePenguin 2018-02-18
And you don't think the guy would have any blame?
1 rahtin 2018-02-18
Not unless he was a close friend or relative.
The cop was just a random guy at the gym that made her slug glisten. He didn't owe Florentine shit.
1 sanfrancisco69er 2018-02-18
I agree with both sides here, I don't blame florentine for trying to retaliate on the guy, but it wasn't really the cops fault either, she was just a whore at the gym
1 thatRookie 2018-02-18
So a cop fucks your wife, you're gonna physically assault an officier? No use dying over an untrustworthy cunt.
1 ChippusMaximus 2018-02-18
Those support groups for when you get cheated on tell people to go to their wife and her young lover's family, friends and workplace and tell everybody what happened. Seems like great advice that surely won't cause anyone any further difficulties.
1 KennethFresno 2018-02-18
Hahah I'm for any support group that allows you to be that vindictive.
1 LipstickJohnson 2018-02-18
He taped a special and then put it out 5 years later and all the material was dated and he had toilet paper stuck to his shoe the entire show. He's a real professional.
1 ChippusMaximus 2018-02-18
1 Jarvismcjigglesteins 2018-02-18
That was the look back in the 80s, man. It was so badass & cool. By the way, have you seen my wife around?
1 DryTeeth 2018-02-18
This guys faggotry has been underrated for far too long.
He was boys with Opie Hughes - a lot like him, without the sociopathic belligerence.
1 dougfunny86 2018-02-18
Ketchup is disgusting
1 danTHEdick 2018-02-18
He gave Robin Quivers nigger cancer.
1 sanfrancisco69er 2018-02-18
He really hit a nerve here by attacking ketchup
1 throwbenny 2018-02-18
Fat Bob Kelly sucked dick for a t-bone steak
1 juschippinyababe 2018-02-18
I'll use it for places that have terrible fucking fries and that's about it.
1 red_eleven 2018-02-18
God damnit!
1 DeafandMutePenguin 2018-02-18
Ketchup is better than salsa.
1 ChippusMaximus 2018-02-18
They found North America thanks to spices. If they knew about Ketchup they would've built a functional ladder to the moon.
1 1475315963 2018-02-18
really long oval face