I'm going to the district court to surrender myself for assault charges. ❤

Honestly, it'll most likely be my most memorable Valentine's Day.

Thanks man. At least it'll be another story.

fight the power ✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿

He dindu nuffin.

Good luck bro

I'm slowly transforming into one of those "my son is the only man I need" single moms, so my kids are my valentines.

yeah your kids and the large haitian man thats gonna deep dick you

i'm playing it cool and not texting him today. don't want him to think I have the wrong idea

when your kids asked him who he is, did you say "hes an uncle" or did you just say "hes coo" ?

I don't bring men around my kids

are you saying that black men arent real men?

Is Valentine's the second most ignored holiday for black men?

Your surname isn't "Fritzl", by any chance?

You’re all our valentine on here, Bams_seed, now let’s see a nice pic of ur ass

Apart from geriatric Pakistanis and their creepy sons?

Shuuuuuuuuuuuure he's the only man we both need honey.

i asked a girl from my over eaters support group if she wanted to go to the oriental buffet with me and she said she was busy. will probably just watch some pop up shows and eat a bag of chicken nuggets.

thanks, my cousin Jizz said i should have asked her to go to a healthy restaurant instead. i guess i should try again.

Gonna catch up on Mike Finoia clips on various podcasts and kill my fucking parakeet. Sick of it.

Just realized I stole that from D&D. I fucking suck.

its a sin to senselessly end the life of one of gods creatures 🙏

Gold dipped Rose

How bout a gift card to Steiner Sports instead?

I'm gonna drink a fifth of vodka, play Battlefield 1, and play with my cat.

Now that I think about it, thats probably the same thing Ant will do.

I’m gonna put on makeup & women’s clothes, tuck me dick in & dance while the girl I kidnapped sits in the bottom of the well I dug in my basement.

Lol. I’m good I’ve been seeeing a nice young lady for about 6 months now & she’s trapped in my hand dug well.

I had a good time, I always have fun that’s the problem. How about you, did get some action from that cashier?

I have an exciting night ahead of heating up some Digiornos and masturbating myself to sleep

Sucking my girlfriend’s dick. You know, the usual.

been talking to a woman way below my standards, asked her if she would want to do something tonight. she said " I have no plans but if not today tomorrow." so.. yeah .. it doesnt look good. Just passing time until my close family passes away so I can Steve C it.

Good luck tonight gents ! Be safe!

thanks man. update: my night didnt work out. lol

hell yeah man. you have yourself a good night. take care and be safe.

ps - dont do anything the homies wouldnt do.

Some fat ugly loser who comes into the supermarket where I work asked me out to dinner at some hole-in-the-wall shitpile restaurant tonight, he probably thinks I'm gonna let him fuck me, and I might, but boy is he gonna be surprised that first morning it burns when he pisses.

Eh, it's a free meal and a scratch for an itchy cervix.

I was supposed to get dinner and go to the art museum, then have drunk sex.

But, her selfish, senile, religious burden of a dad announced he came over, let himself in and is “hanging out at our place” until we get off work so he can “see us.”

Drugs

Sleeping. I'm a raging alcoholic who usually gets very drunk and falls asleep before most have their work lunch. Should be a fun one.