I remember this peckerhead telling a story( with great pride) about him and his 3 year old son booing when some dude proposed to a chick at the rink in Rockefeller square. Shit, they must really hate matrimony now. Should have stayed with the fat negress. Broads with cancer are very faithful .
I like Florentine, but this is another comic their wife or kid is ruining them. He thinks his kid is "hilarious" and commits 10 minutes of a 30 minute set to wacky kid jokes now. He brought the tyke onto the Chip podcast too, because that's what everyone wants to hear. A fuckin 7 year old.
He needs to quit everything in comedy. Disappear for 5 years. Return with a suit and natural gray hair doing an entirely different style.
This thing he's doing is so fucking tired, so worn out, so 17-years-ago, an exhausted traveler who's brainlessly slogging through puddles. An entire career in a fugue state
Ex wife, he was cucked all the way to separation. Also I legitimately believe some of you hate Florentine because you're offended that he makes fun of eating sweets or other things you enjoy.
Who doesn’t occasionally enjoy sweets? Florentine lacks awareness which is the key ingredient to any good comic. He seems unaware & blind to the fact that everything he makes fun of are things he doesn’t understand. The only things he doesn’t make fun of & thinks are cool, are things that were relevant when he was teenager & in his early 20’s.
There is no need to get mad at someone for making fun of things you like, I eat ketchup as well as sweets, I still find it funny when Florentine goes on his ridiculous rants.
Lol not mad believe me, I find it hilarious that everyone is gooofing on him. If you read my post & understood it you’d see my point is that Florentine is blinded by a weird generational bias. If he was born 10 years earlier he’d hate on AC/DC & say ‘the guitarist is dressed up like a schoolboy what is he five’ & if he was 15 years younger he’d be all about grunge music and think 1980s metal was shit. There are a lot of simply people like that but they usually aren’t comedians, they are the lovable yet mentally stunted uncle who still lives with your grandma & hasn't evolved past a certain era.
No, I was offended that a 75 year old man in Hot Topic shirts thinks ketchup is lame but Slipknot is cool.
The infantalized shit bands he thinks is cool are the musical equivalent of the childish food that he gets bent out of shape over. I'd much rather be seen in public eating mozzarella sticks than wearing a Trapt t-shirt in my early 70s.
Freaky but I'm literally listening to him on a YT livestream at this very moment.. let me see if I can transcribe as I listen..
Gahh this one time me and these guys from Kronikus were doing blow backstage... then these two fuckn chicks walk in and start eating each other out. so Yarmi starts fuckn pourin cock on their twats as they 69 the cock off their pussies.. then he turns to me and says "now THAT is how we FUCK!" and this other guy was laughin so hard he started pukin.. then the lezbo on top smells his puke and starts fuckin puking .. i shit you not.. into the pussy of the lezbo on the bottom..
[now responds to a message]
-Aww you gotta be fuckin kiddin me .. fuckin.. sorry no, Lance Gelbert .. okay he was good yes, nah, not taking credit away but he waz only on two of their albums uhh 'No Sleep till Hell' and 'Devils Sanctuary'.. ya and barely more than half the songs.. what? no you're thinking of Jeff Gelber .. ya that's the brother.. fucking, Gelber was with them .. he started with them .. with the first album 'Devilicus' then fawkin.. obviously 'Sweet Asylum' i mean,,, that is still THE most important song to change the face of music and art and fuckin the world really.. huh? ya, Les Talbot? yahhh he's okay. His work on the 8th album, Goregasm was good stuff
This one time at band camp, me and these two other guys were backstage and fuckin Ray Entower himself comes up and introduces himself.. now he was a fucking big deal and we're just comics and he's like the greatest.. i mean the best guy you'd ever meet. So he invites us into his room and we're fuckin doing shots and coke and shit and by that time i'd done 3 grams to myself, a fucking bottle of vodka so im not feeling any pain, then I look over and here's the lead singer of Vindicus, he opens a box.. i daught it was like a coffee table and didn't know it was a coffin, anyways he pulls out this cadaver and starts fucking this dead body like a maniac...
[Question came up on chat again.. or some comment about football]
Gawwww Marpisal come onnnn? What are you like like 5? Nahhh sorry no way Marpisal can convince Louchtner to ditch an assistant coach like fornoway.. what? nah, Bears haven't gone past 6 since 89 and that was with Galtimore so if you put Garber or Whittle theres no fuckin way! Unless.. unless.. if they get Zarbinski coaching but that aint gonna happen!
This one time me and Jim Norton got a ride home from a gig from the owner up there at googoosnickers and the owner has this chick who sucks him off while he drives and we're just sitting in the back seat and don't give a shit cuz we'd done so much coke and I'm already downin' a 12 pack of beers, tall boys, fuckin Canadian beer so its like 8% or some shit.. anyways, then I look down and this guy is givin me a blowjob.. then at first I thought it was the chick from the front seat but that reminds me of the time we were at fuckin... lolipalooza back when.. that's when Jerry Wiscomb was 2nd guitar for Buckshot so it was fuckin packed in there so me and this other guy start fuckin chicks backstage but then we start slamming chicks in the face right from the stage and he looks at me as we're fucking 20 chicks right up their pussy and says "oh shit.. im gonna puke' cuz he had like more coke than i had so far and fuckin shrooms and I'm like "ohh shit" cuz Im fuckin this girl in her puss while her friend gives me a blowjob gahh
This guy asks if I like fruit.. what am I five? Pizza? What the fuck am i going to a childrens party? You want juice with that? What are you.. fucking 5 years old? Who eats that shit.. 5 year olds. Sorry no I'm a strong male adult so i say things about a sportball game, cool metal stuff and how i get blowjobs like a fucking 15 year old. (he might have said 50)
Sorry, fingers tired. Hopefully he posts the livestream as a video later. There are like 17 people watching so far!
72 comments
2 _snoop_ 2018-01-26
Special Ed was mildly funny. I'm a sucker for retarded people jokes though, I hate retarded people. Downhill for jim since 2002 though.
1 Slothjew 2018-01-26
His wife had sex in a park right by my sisters house. I have also fucked girls in that park.
1 Single_Action_Army 2018-01-26
Your sister, I bet
1 bambonk 2018-01-26
Single Action Army why not Ruger Vaquero or s...ah, fuck it.
1 KangolVos 2018-01-26
Cowboy gun yuma.
1 Single_Action_Army 2018-01-26
FAWK YEAH!! Advent of cartridge delivery systems, sockcucka!!!
1 WhippingHuskies 2018-01-26
Todt Hill?
1 loperetti 2018-01-26
Address?
1 JosefKWasArrested 2018-01-26
No. Why? Why would I do that? Whhhhy? Can you get blown while you do it? That would be cool then. If you can get blown. Did you get blown?
1 PsychopathyRed 2018-01-26
Breathe oxygen? Whyyy? Whaddya need it for? What, carbon monoxide's not good enough for ya? I bet you listen to fuckin' Radiohead.
1 JoeCumiasCockBreath 2018-01-26
Oh you're sick? You're gonna talk to a doctor and take the medicine he prescribed to cure your illness, what are you 3?
1 PsychopathyRed 2018-01-26
What, what, you're gonna have family and loved ones at your funeral? You don't need that, just gimme a cardboard box and a hooker, I'm fiiiine.
1 SomeCakeForDaChippah 2018-01-26
He drove his ex girlfriend to suicide & drove his ex wife into some cop’s pecka. He must be a grating person to deal with.
1 MalcolmX_InTheMiddle 2018-01-26
He's a real problem.
1 wicked_crayfish 2018-01-26
You can only get asked if your five so many times.
1 ChippusMaximus 2018-01-26
Not around here you can't.
1 insertclevereference 2018-01-26
And he drove Robin Quivers to siphoning pots of hot coffee up her ass. That was actually impressive.
1 aegrotatio 2018-01-26
What a waste of good Asian tits, man.
1 crookedmile 2018-01-26
Ketchup on fries?! What am I, 5??
1 MalcolmX_InTheMiddle 2018-01-26
bruuutal
1 Carbonainducedcoma 2018-01-26
I remember this peckerhead telling a story( with great pride) about him and his 3 year old son booing when some dude proposed to a chick at the rink in Rockefeller square. Shit, they must really hate matrimony now. Should have stayed with the fat negress. Broads with cancer are very faithful .
1 Doc_McCoyXYZ 2018-01-26
I like Florentine, but this is another comic their wife or kid is ruining them. He thinks his kid is "hilarious" and commits 10 minutes of a 30 minute set to wacky kid jokes now. He brought the tyke onto the Chip podcast too, because that's what everyone wants to hear. A fuckin 7 year old.
1 multiplesifl 2018-01-26
Dad comics are the fucking worst.
1 loperetti 2018-01-26
I don't know, some make good music. Dun dun dun dun dun TRASH!
1 [deleted] 2018-01-26
[removed]
1 ChippusMaximus 2018-01-26
What you don't have a kid? What are you 5?
1 Doc_McCoyXYZ 2018-01-26
I put ketchup ON my kid; that would make Florentine's head explode.
1 [deleted] 2018-01-26
[removed]
1 decmcg 2018-01-26
He was filled with teen angst while his wife was filled with cop cock meat.
1 AdminsFuckedMeOver 2018-01-26
Are we forgetting about his shitty metal show on VH1
1 Fagghouli 2018-01-26
Yes, because nobody watches VH1.
1 JoeCumiasCockBreath 2018-01-26
You have to be aware of something before you can forget about it.
1 aegrotatio 2018-01-26
Holy shit, what the fuck is VH1?
And I'm in my late 40s.
1 [deleted] 2018-01-26
[removed]
1 BoardroomBimmy 2018-01-26
It used to be MTV for middle aged people. Now I think they just play one reality show about a basketball player and his wife on repeat all day.
1 AnthonyCumio 2018-01-26
Check out those hangin' tits, fam.
https://cdn-img.xojane.com/sites/default/files/styles/article_inline/public/MTI0ODc2NjQyODE5Njc1NDEw.png?itok=_Nm6JM2U
1 AnthonyCumio 2018-01-26
HOE LEE SHIT, FAM, HER NAME WAS LITERALLY "PHAM," FAM.
http://heavenslie.com/My%20Obits/Jade%20Linh%20Pham.htm
FAM.
1 JuiceBusters 2018-01-26
He needs to quit everything in comedy. Disappear for 5 years. Return with a suit and natural gray hair doing an entirely different style.
This thing he's doing is so fucking tired, so worn out, so 17-years-ago, an exhausted traveler who's brainlessly slogging through puddles. An entire career in a fugue state
1 Psych555 2018-01-26
trite.
1 JuiceBusters 2018-01-26
Trite? Quite right! You're bloody well right. Hey, hey, you're bloody well right.
(there's your trite for you, jerko!)
1 Superbad415 2018-01-26
Shut up
1 JuiceBusters 2018-01-26
I'm gonna shut you up in a minute..
1 Superbad415 2018-01-26
Threats over the Internet? What are you 14?
1 JuiceBusters 2018-01-26
Uh.. its 'fourteen' not '14'. What are you 17?
1 Superbad415 2018-01-26
I’ve changed my mind on this bit. It’s fun
1 [deleted] 2018-01-26
[removed]
1 Not_My_Real_Acct_ 2018-01-26
He should move to Vegas. Tourists love this cornball shit. I was there for CES a couple of weeks ago and Nickelback was doing five nights in a row.
1 GullibleGilbert 2018-01-26
Is it really general consens that "rockstar" from nickelback is a bad song?
1 LetnigFeceOfBags 2018-01-26
Slogging through puddles...what am I 3 with an umbrella and rubber boots?
1 JimNortonUnfunnyFag 2018-01-26
I hear his kid likes rap and wants to be a cop.
1 pinkie_pride 2018-01-26
Ex wife, he was cucked all the way to separation. Also I legitimately believe some of you hate Florentine because you're offended that he makes fun of eating sweets or other things you enjoy.
1 Kenn_Kennerson 2018-01-26
"Eating sweets"
Are you a grandmother?
1 ForceBangPow 2018-01-26
What is he? 90?
1 Psych555 2018-01-26
He's a my little pony fag.
1 ForceBangPow 2018-01-26
You're right. I'll admit it. I'm pro-sweets. and he's a sweet-shaming motherfucker.
1 [deleted] 2018-01-26
[removed]
1 Carbonainducedcoma 2018-01-26
Eating sweets? Is that some kind of fag joke?
1 Sicboy69 2018-01-26
Who doesn’t occasionally enjoy sweets? Florentine lacks awareness which is the key ingredient to any good comic. He seems unaware & blind to the fact that everything he makes fun of are things he doesn’t understand. The only things he doesn’t make fun of & thinks are cool, are things that were relevant when he was teenager & in his early 20’s.
1 pinkie_pride 2018-01-26
There is no need to get mad at someone for making fun of things you like, I eat ketchup as well as sweets, I still find it funny when Florentine goes on his ridiculous rants.
1 Sicboy69 2018-01-26
Lol not mad believe me, I find it hilarious that everyone is gooofing on him. If you read my post & understood it you’d see my point is that Florentine is blinded by a weird generational bias. If he was born 10 years earlier he’d hate on AC/DC & say ‘the guitarist is dressed up like a schoolboy what is he five’ & if he was 15 years younger he’d be all about grunge music and think 1980s metal was shit. There are a lot of simply people like that but they usually aren’t comedians, they are the lovable yet mentally stunted uncle who still lives with your grandma & hasn't evolved past a certain era.
1 ChippusMaximus 2018-01-26
We hate everything. There is no order or sacred cows here.
1 sanfrancisco69er 2018-01-26
75% of the Florentine bandwagon was definitely started that people were genuinely offended he spoke negatively of ketchup. Buncha fatsos
1 Jarvismcjigglesteins 2018-01-26
No, I was offended that a 75 year old man in Hot Topic shirts thinks ketchup is lame but Slipknot is cool.
The infantalized shit bands he thinks is cool are the musical equivalent of the childish food that he gets bent out of shape over. I'd much rather be seen in public eating mozzarella sticks than wearing a Trapt t-shirt in my early 70s.
1 jaypfunk 2018-01-26
Ahhh Ghee Ghee Gheeesh
1 [deleted] 2018-01-26
[removed]
1 [deleted] 2018-01-26
[removed]
1 JuiceBusters 2018-01-26
Freaky but I'm literally listening to him on a YT livestream at this very moment.. let me see if I can transcribe as I listen..
[now responds to a message]
-Aww you gotta be fuckin kiddin me .. fuckin.. sorry no, Lance Gelbert .. okay he was good yes, nah, not taking credit away but he waz only on two of their albums uhh 'No Sleep till Hell' and 'Devils Sanctuary'.. ya and barely more than half the songs.. what? no you're thinking of Jeff Gelber .. ya that's the brother.. fucking, Gelber was with them .. he started with them .. with the first album 'Devilicus' then fawkin.. obviously 'Sweet Asylum' i mean,,, that is still THE most important song to change the face of music and art and fuckin the world really.. huh? ya, Les Talbot? yahhh he's okay. His work on the 8th album, Goregasm was good stuff
[Question came up on chat again.. or some comment about football]
Gawwww Marpisal come onnnn? What are you like like 5? Nahhh sorry no way Marpisal can convince Louchtner to ditch an assistant coach like fornoway.. what? nah, Bears haven't gone past 6 since 89 and that was with Galtimore so if you put Garber or Whittle theres no fuckin way! Unless.. unless.. if they get Zarbinski coaching but that aint gonna happen!
This one time me and Jim Norton got a ride home from a gig from the owner up there at googoosnickers and the owner has this chick who sucks him off while he drives and we're just sitting in the back seat and don't give a shit cuz we'd done so much coke and I'm already downin' a 12 pack of beers, tall boys, fuckin Canadian beer so its like 8% or some shit.. anyways, then I look down and this guy is givin me a blowjob.. then at first I thought it was the chick from the front seat but that reminds me of the time we were at fuckin... lolipalooza back when.. that's when Jerry Wiscomb was 2nd guitar for Buckshot so it was fuckin packed in there so me and this other guy start fuckin chicks backstage but then we start slamming chicks in the face right from the stage and he looks at me as we're fucking 20 chicks right up their pussy and says "oh shit.. im gonna puke' cuz he had like more coke than i had so far and fuckin shrooms and I'm like "ohh shit" cuz Im fuckin this girl in her puss while her friend gives me a blowjob gahh
This guy asks if I like fruit.. what am I five? Pizza? What the fuck am i going to a childrens party? You want juice with that? What are you.. fucking 5 years old? Who eats that shit.. 5 year olds. Sorry no I'm a strong male adult so i say things about a sportball game, cool metal stuff and how i get blowjobs like a fucking 15 year old. (he might have said 50)
Sorry, fingers tired. Hopefully he posts the livestream as a video later. There are like 17 people watching so far!
1 aegrotatio 2018-01-26
Shit's funny. You even did the "gawwww."
1 ChippusMaximus 2018-01-26
You wear shirts to tell everyone what bands you like, what are you 14? Why? Why?
1 Eodr 2018-01-26
Cuckster
1 ADoucheNamedBag 2018-01-26
Using the classic impact font meme format? What are you, stuck in 2012?
1 Billyassman 2018-01-26
Poor bastard.
1 JuiceBusters 2018-01-26
I'm gonna shut you up in a minute..