Artie: “Aziz ‘I’m sorry’ is a better name. I don’t have any respect for Aziz Ansari. I’m glad nobody got raped.”

70  2018-01-23 by crookedmile

96 comments

The celebrated comic is where you stop reading b/c you know its a pile of shit article.

It’s like “notorious demon-plagued comic”, when he says straight out “I just like getting high”. What are the demons, besides sloth and gluttony?

what are the demons

he basically killed his father.

I know that story, but also think it’s grown and evolved over the years from a general “I should have been with him that day” to a more specific “I should have been holding the ladder that day”. I’m not doubting that he feels guilt over it, I just suspect that he’s been milking that guilt to justify indulging in demons.

he seems to feel like he doesn't earn his money and doesn't deserve. it could all be bullshit, but he's probably mentally fucked up. Even if he's pretending to be mentally fucked up.

That’s a fair point, and that guilt could well be the deep cause driving his behavior and lifestyle.

FAWK! That's BRRUUUUTAL!

it's just a fact.

He was setting up for one of our bits, ForceBangPow...

If you think anyone would abuse substances to the degree Artie Lange does "just to get high" for the hell of it, you're extremely naive

Good point, I acknowledged that in another comment. I guess what I was clumsily trying to say is it reaches a certain point where the underlying trauma, left unaddressed or treated only with intoxication, becomes secondary to the trauma of addiction.

Suddenly you're sensitive? Get your shit together, prick.

How is it sensitive to simply know a fact about human psychology

I don't give a fuck if someone's a junkie, I just know what causes it

The fact that you even inferred that shows you're not a smart person

That's my boy.

artie really shits on louie, not just jerk-off stuff but says his comedy is overrated

That really sad. Artie's standup was never even half as funny. And no way he's comparing his stint on MADtv to Louie. The only thing he has over is a radio career.

Artie at his absolute best doesn't come close, he's just bitter is all.

Oh fuck off, Artie says all the time that his stand Up is shit. Louie was great on O and A and his first special was really good but he’s sucked since. Once he went Hollywood he became more progressive and less funny.

No shit. Just because Louis sucks now doesn't make Artie magically funny.

Oh Artie’s never been funny because why would he appeal to some autistic hipster faggot like you.

You sound upset. Wanna talk about it?

yeah calling women cunts is super progressive

You’re going to tell me that Louie 2006 vs Louie 2016 has the same politics?

no, but I am going to tell you that it doesnt matter and you're a pussy who needs his dumb views to align with all the comedians he likes

[removed]

Artie at his best was ten times funnier than Louis Ck on a daily basis. Anyone who listened to Stern from 2000-2006 knows.

You didn't like Artie in "That's my white momma"?

In his defense, his comedy is overrated. Good, but overrated.

Artie hates college educated comedians. Whenever he bashes a comedian, it is someone who has some level of higher education. He really hates himself.

artie isn't claiming he feels unfairly treated or should be viewed as better, he's just saying CK is overrated. checks out to me

fawkin homerun Artie!

Anyone have the quote? I'm not reading all that shit.

its clickbait bullshit, talks about aziz for a paragraph and nothing more than what that quote has. Just one later mention of Aziz working on jokes in the corner at comedy clubs and how other comics don't like it... Shitty article just outlining how broken of a human Artie is over and over.

He's not clean.

“Louis was always overrated to me. He has like five jokes he’s written that I like. But you know I’ll go along with it, if it gets me spots. I just think he’s overrated. To me, it was like the emperor’s new clothes came off. In the hotel room.”

Says the guy who repeats jokes from his first special to this day. Unbelievable.

Says the guy who repeats jokes from his first special to this day. Unbelievable.

Well, Artie hates himself too.

He all but says it. “I’m still making money and have juice doing so I don’t see why I should stay in rehab”

"How long have you been sober?" "I pissed clean..."

Yep. Quite telling words. Addicts of his level who are newly sober know exactly how long it’s been, and when they last used.

That fat crackhead piece of shit tells that fucking story of him falling asleep on air every other day.

...then he falls asleep on air

His brain is damaged from all that junk, people can say what they will about Louis KC’s politically views or his pretentious movie but I don’t thing anyone would argue that Artie Lange is a better standup. Even when Artie was at his peak during the Stern years his standup was weak & lazy, he was never close to being as funny as he was a the radio.

I would. Louie isn't funny. Artie may be doing the same material from 20 years ago but at least that's good 20 year old material.

Artie was really funny when on Stern because he didn’t constantly repeat the same stories, so he’d have to come up with on the spot material. But even back then if he was a guest on a late night talk show he’d repeat the same shit he’d already told on the HSS & his standup was basically more of the same. I think Louis worked a lot harder on his act & I never heard him repeat same jokes over & over. Also I like Louis used to hilarious & I still think he’s pretty funny just not as much as before, hopefully he can make a comeback after this jerking-off scandal.

You can replace "Artie Lang" with "Jim Norton" and this would still be 100% true.

Your right, I somehow didn’t even think about that even though I’ve always thought the same exact thing about Jimmy career.

Jimmy Carr?

Meth is a great drug if you want to walk to (city) in a night.

This is Artie's staple hack joke. He says it every single show

It was always St. Louis.

"Hey, I smell dick, did [insert literally fucking anyone] burp?"

Who cares? Being obsessed with hyposcrisy all the time is the gayest thing ever, are you not allowed to have an opinion on a comedian because you dont do new material regularly? This thought that people should look in the mirror and being a shining example of everything before they give their opinion is retarded

It's the way that he worded his opinion that is pissing everybody off. He said what he said about Louis very arrogantly.

It also reeked of bandwagon hopping to me.

It still happens all the time here and it's annoying and gay

"B-but he said this once so he can't make an observation about someone else" so dumb

So this black kid looked at me and said, "Damn, man, what are you pouring that shit on... cheeseburgers!?"

He holds onto bits forever. When he was on Rogan's podcast a few years ago he did the same Jim Gordon bit he did on Letterman 10 years prior. It's embarrassing.

I have way more respect for any SJW than I do a junkie.

A SJW can (and should) be forcefully re-educate in a camp with barbed wire and German shepherds. They can improve. Artie will never improve. He’s already long ago given up and is determined to kill himself.

there are people who think Goodfellas is horrible. We think it's a comedy.

Makes sense, he see's his booky/prison lies as great comedy.

Jesus. Who's actually publishing a shitty puff piece about a junkie written by Pat Dixon's wife?

Wait, completely serious.. Pat Dixon isn't a gay homofag? Seriously? With those lips, voice, and attitude? I assume he's married to a large, chiseled, Viking woman though because, yeah, he's definitely gay.

Artie made the same joke everyone’s uncle did

He’s almost as obsessed and delusional about Howard as Opie is. Yeah, we get it, Howard got PC, but Artie makes it sound like he left the show over that (“I couldn’t work that way”), as opposed to him being fired for repeatedly fucking up, missing work, lying about why and physically attacking people in studio.

Yea Artie is a habitual liar, he’s said in the past that he can’t listen to the Howard Stern Show because it’s too painful knowing he fucked up the best gig ever, so how does he know Howard is so Politically Correct if he hasn’t heard the show. If he only hears secondhand exaggerated stories about how PC Howard is & then treats like the gospel thrush he’s a moron. Also if Howard said today “Artie we miss you please come back” he’d be there in a minute & he’d be telling stories about how shitty his life was that he had to partner up with Anthony Cumia. If Artie was back In his old chair tomorrow, he would mock Opie & Anthony like it was 2006. He has no loyalty regardless of the humble persona act he’s portrayed his whole career, Artie is out for Artie no one else.

"I don’t want to make it sound like I’m bitter. I still love Howard." [two questions later...] "We hate each other’s guts. He can’t stand me for some reason, and I’ve learned to hate him." Arthur Lange: man of consistency.

Artie is a giant faggot, still blubbering over a job he flushed away eight years ago. Get the fuck over it already.

Seriously. And Artie used to be cool. If Opie survives the next 7 years, can you imagine what a sad sack he’ll be by 2025?

ooooof....

What the fuck happened to his face?

Chemicals.

does coke collapse your nose?

Maybe.

And people should listen to Artie why? When did he become even the slightest bit credible.

How much heroin did he have again? GTFO

Mandy: If you do fall off the wagon again, are you scared of Fentanyl at all?

Artie: No. A real heroin addict is not scared of Fentanyl. I’d do it in a heartbeat. I want strong shit.

real ass n person

More like Artie Syringe am I right?

Wrong

"Shoutout to everyone who said 'Aziz I'm sorry' unironically. All the people who thought they were discovering that..." - Mullen

Artie was great on Stern and carried that show at least an extra 5 years after Stern started coasting and kissing up. However his stand does not hold a candle to Louis.

He's an off the cuff funny guy and I'd be hard pressed to think of a classic artie bit. Stories sure, but not jokes

Say what you want about his pretentiousness and political opinions but I saw Louis do a great 1 hr 45 minutes or so a month before the 2016 election and he didn't do one political joke or even mention either candidate. He also had some twats from the daily show open for him, wonder if he jerked off in front of any of them

That isn’t true at all, Louie became less funny once he went Hollywood. Come on, he made fucking talking dog movie. Outside of the boyfriend bit and the Magic Mike bit everything else from 2017 was shit. I don’t care what his politics are, he always leaned left but he wasn’t a queer about it like he had been recently. Then they turned on him anyway.

He loves Bill DeBlasio (crook) and said Hillary would be a great president because she is a mother (democratic talking point)

Jesus Christ that was hard to read. I love artie but where the fuck does that fat piece of shit get the balls to shit talk Louis ck like that? (((Everyone))) knows you're full of shit, artie, you just don't wanna hurt (((someones))) feelings and lose that vital coke/dope revenue stream you call a TV show.

And by the Artie, your dad never locked a pedophilic high school soccer coach in a car for two days. You saw that on the sopranos and made it up.

This coming from a guy who doesn't respect his co-workers enough to change his clothes or put in his dentures.

indian twink, fights draculas

Mandy: If you do fall off the wagon again, are you scared of fentanyl at all?

Artie: No. A real heroin addict is not scared of fentanyl. I’d do it in a heartbeat. I want strong shit.

Mandy: Have you seen the tiny amount it takes to kill you?

Artie: I don’t know what it is, but draw it back one inch. I would accept fentanyl in a heartbeat. I had a fentanyl patch on in a mental home. It was unbelievable. I’ve never ODed. I’ve had dealers say, “Jesus Christ. What the fuck.” But the nose is bad now. I could get a brain infection. If I did it, anything would go right to the brain. But again, I heard that six months ago, and I went and used an hour after.

When he dies they can stick that quote on his tombstone.

What the fuck how is he unapologetically a heroin addict and people still give him jobs and are nice to him

I thought the 30 days when he went to rehab was him totally quitting opiates al together but i guess he was just switching to suboxone? Which makes no fucking sense why he'd then have to take all that time off, switching to suboxone takes 24-48 hours of totally not taking any opiate and waiting long enough to be in full withdrawal from whatever you were taking, then you just start taking the suboxone and get addicted to that instead of taking heroin.

Artie is the perfect case for somebody to switch from heroin to Suboxone, he can continue to work while getting his health and personal life in order and have some kind of stability. Technically he's not really "clean" in the pure sense of the word, hes still taking an opiate but i'm guessing that with whatever state his health is in, his doctors probably agreed that he wouldn't do well health wise if he tried to come off completely since it'd probably be such a shock to his system if he came off cold turkey.

Artie Lange calling Louis CK overrated = Louis CK calling Artie talented

I was 23, broke, driving a cab, parking a cab in front of The Comic Strip, which was the first place I passed. I would have [Joe] Matarese or [Dave] Attell watch the car.

FYI Joe is still available for this for only $10 and an album plug.

Does Artie think "Aziz I'm Sorry" is witty or original? It's literally the first joke anyone makes when they learn to pronounce his real name, regardless of the current allegations.

And he recently confided in his friend at Daily Beast that he hates Howard Stern. Only took him 5 more years than it took the audience. Watching the fat Christian druggie beg the powerful rich Jew for scraps for half a decade was downright annoying to watch, I'm glad it's over.

NYC comedians really are the worst.

"A real heroin addict is not scared of fentanyl" is the only thing that genuinely annoyed me. Average non-celebrity millionaire H junkies are absolutely wary of fentanyl. Besides the heightened risk of ODing, the high is shorter and the withdrawals come on way quicker/harder than regular heroin. Then two seconds after the Mr. Hardcore act, he's talking about how "I don't want to die, I just want to be high maaaan." Ugh, what an ass.

I hate junkie bravado too. "Yeah man, I'm such a huge addict I prefer the fent, man, it's way stronger cuz when you as much dope as I do you can't even feel it, man"...what an asshole. There are street junkies who'd laugh at Artie shoveling all that smack up his nose, he's downright coddled next to the way those bottom-feeders live.

too fucking long, thanks for condensing it

Hey Artie, please tell us again about the audible snore during the interv... zzzzZZZzzz...

I don't get artie. He does the same 6 stories and puns. Why's he so revered

U a Bitch Az. U run from the bitch.

Louis's jokes that didnt work in the 90s work for him now that he's famous. The grocery store/no money bit is like Seinfeld stoned, but gets a laugh in 2010. People will laugh at anything.

Horse Shit,Otis.

Wait, completely serious.. Pat Dixon isn't a gay homofag? Seriously? With those lips, voice, and attitude? I assume he's married to a large, chiseled, Viking woman though because, yeah, he's definitely gay.

he seems to feel like he doesn't earn his money and doesn't deserve. it could all be bullshit, but he's probably mentally fucked up. Even if he's pretending to be mentally fucked up.

Yea Artie is a habitual liar, he’s said in the past that he can’t listen to the Howard Stern Show because it’s too painful knowing he fucked up the best gig ever, so how does he know Howard is so Politically Correct if he hasn’t heard the show. If he only hears secondhand exaggerated stories about how PC Howard is & then treats like the gospel thrush he’s a moron. Also if Howard said today “Artie we miss you please come back” he’d be there in a minute & he’d be telling stories about how shitty his life was that he had to partner up with Anthony Cumia. If Artie was back In his old chair tomorrow, he would mock Opie & Anthony like it was 2006. He has no loyalty regardless of the humble persona act he’s portrayed his whole career, Artie is out for Artie no one else.

Artie is a giant faggot, still blubbering over a job he flushed away eight years ago. Get the fuck over it already.

When he dies they can stick that quote on his tombstone.

What the fuck how is he unapologetically a heroin addict and people still give him jobs and are nice to him