Oswald Cobblepot.

His facial color suggests astronomically high blood pressure.

His shiny scalp indicates the rapidly disappearing, Easter hot cross bun glaze (for my UK niggas) Sam Roberts scalp sheen (totally bald in 18 months, no wonder he wears a hat) bonce.

His (lack of) teeth are awful.

Anthony signed on a winner!

He has that German/Red Indian/Immortal Rambo blood but it doesn't look great.

His facial color suggests astronomically high blood pressure

He sprinkling his beta blockers on cheeseburgers!

He isn’t going to be around much longer. Prison/running away then prison and or suicide. Stanhope claims to not give a shit about anything- Artie lives not giving a shit about anything.

I believe Stanhope doesn't give a shit in general but the difference is he gives a shit about comedy and making new content and at least tries to provoke new thought. Artie is just a circus freak at this point.

BINGO BINGO CHAD SHANK SMOKING SMOKING BINGO BISBEE BINGO BISBEE CHAD SHANK SMOKING BISBEE SMOKING CIGARETTE BINGO ....

Well I'm not dumb enough to listen his fucking podcast. If I dismissed everyone whose podcast sucked there'd be no one left. Stanhope at least still writes books (actually writes them, unlike Artie) and does good standup.

Saw Stanhope a few months ago. OOOUUUUUFFFFFF was he bad.

Last time I saw him he was fucking hilarious and had a 20 minute chunk about gang rape.

that was a decade ago then

That sucks to hear but I believe ya

you are talking about one of this faggoty places sacred cows. stanhope has always been a fucking hack.

Not in his comedy specials

Add in some HEEEE HEE HEE HAAA HAAA HAA HOLY SHIT in there and you have an ep of Artie and Anthony.

Who the fuck calls themselves Bingo

LYNNE SHAWCRAWFT

Yeah I unsubscribed like 6 months ago

Love Stanhope and the podcast started out really good (having old friends from his 20+ years in stand-up tell stories he's forgotten)

It devolved into hanging out with strange drunkards wandering aimlessly through half conversations

It devolved into hanging out with strange drunkards wandering aimlessly through half conversations

I get your point. But it's 100's of 1000's times better than listening to comedians comment on youtube videos or current events.

Silence is golden, your message is kind of loud.

 

^{I am a bot}

this is the worst bot

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I think Stanhope actually enjoys living life though, like he has a batshit crazy girlfriend he obviously loves, he periodically tries to cut down on his drinking to try and get a little healthier and does what he calls "maintenance drinking" like only having a few glasses of wine so he doesn't have and seizures but is actively trying to get healtheir when he does this even if he doesn't want to or can't stop drinking at this point in his life. He does these self imposed 'tin can rehab' things by going and isolating himself in a trailer on his property which is a real life actual "compound" not a McMansion, so he can try to quit smoking. He actually actively reads books on a bunch of different subjects and has written 2 of his own, i read the first one about his mother which was great, it was cool look into those early days of comedy and how all those comedians started off (Stanhope, Joey Diaz, Ralphie May, Hedberg, Rogan etc). Artie on the other hand has kinda just given up on life, if its not somthing he has to do so he can make money and continue paying for drugs and any other expenses, he just doesn't really have any interest in it. I haven't seen any of Arties stand up acts live in person but he doesnt seem like the kinda guy who right now in his life would be doing much writing or developing many new bits in recent years, he's probably just coasting off of his die hard stern fanbase who still blindly follow and come to his shows still.

A lot of people around here try to boil Stanhope down into a nihilist who tries to be an edgy alcoholic, that really isn't what he's about.

I believe Stanhope doesn't give a shit in general

you haven't heard his podcast then, holy shit. you can tell he is truely playing a republican on stage.

that tiny man really obsesses over his shithole town. his entire podcast revolves around the people in it and their comings and goings. its a goddamn sowing circle

Yea I guess I'm talking out my ass based on my idea of past Stanhope, I haven't been keeping tabs, guess it's dumb to assume anyone has stayed cool anymore

what r they plantin cropz n shiznit

Doug Stanhope will be dead within 5 years.

I for sure think he's going to outlast artie, i think stanhopes reputation as an unhealthy hard as fuck partier far outweighs how he lives in reality...

Stanhope is apathetic about life but enjoys being funny and interesting. He doesn't care about drinking himself to death, but he also doesn't care about alcohol more than comedy. Artie cares about getting high more than anything else.

Nothing he says is really interesting. He is just cynical.

AA just brainwashes you maaaaan. They want you to all sit in cubicles maaaaaan.

Doug Stanhope is just the alcoholic version of Joe Rogan.

He grew up attending AA meetings with his mom so he's more qualified than most in judging AA.

Why do I have Stanhope's balls on my chin?

Because you're a faggot, alright!

That's your opinion.

Yeah, thats why I said it.

Oh shit tellem fips

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Stanhope just doesn't do heroin, however he clearly does not give a shit. He dates a cokedup clown looking dude and drinks and does drugs all day everyday while chainsmoking cigarettes, if only Artie could be so healthy.

Looks like a bus driver with psoriasis

I would with an old lady that constantly talks about her psoriasis and she wears gloves exactly like this!

John Turturro wears them in The Night Of because of his terrible Eczema. He gets called a 'micky-mouse-lookin'-ass-motherfucker'.

That was a good show. I forgot about that.

Artie will be dead, incarcerate, fired, or quit within 6 months.

It's time to pack it in and look for another co-host.

All the patriarchy talk between Ant and Gavin made a good ep.

I'm going with "An Amicable Parting of Ways".

I enjoyed that show, they really didn't show the blacks in a good light.

ALL I SEE IS EYES AND TEETH

Would ya?

Fair enough

TIL there are psoriasis gloves.

Where does one buy these things? I can't find them at CVS.

Artie should start lifting weights and running

Opie will get a job before that happens.

No running. His heart couldn't take the stress from all that movement.

That's almost insulting so I laughed

Artie breaks out in a sweat by just sitting down and eating.

he needs to do deadlifts and squats with heavy weight.

He’s been carrying Anthony for a couple of months.

Working out. Eating better

Running actually gives you the same high that heroin does. He should start running for sure.

The best part of the show was Ant and Gavin bashing this sub.

As long as it was original jokes and not the tired and played out YOUR MOTHERS BASEMENT.

Oh they talked about KillaKuhn and his troubles.

I remember that guy. He's had a bit of trouble you say?

Two reasonable people.

How many objects did Gayvin shove up his asshole while bashing us?

Good, bashing your remaining fanbase is always a good business-decision Ant.

No. The people who watch the AA show were referred to as "spys" on in this subreddit.

My name is Chipperson, Chip Chipperson....tss

some people are better left on drugs

Dude, he is still on drugs.

That's true

Some people are better off dying at 35.

Farley, Kinison, Belushi etc..all these guys would've looked this way if they lived til 50.

Farley yes. Kinison? He might have become funny. Wheelchair rolling downhill, OOOOOOOHHHHH! OOOH! OOOOH! Most overrated douch ever. Dice should have tapped at 35 also.

you say this but then you jack off to David Letterman as if that faggot has done anything funny in the last 20 years. no wonder people would rather watch Leno if Letterman is the alternative

Some people are better off dead......

As much as I like artie, he should show some dignity and pass on.

..the 2 cheese burgers, Pepsi, Hawaiian Punch, Double Sausage Egg McMuffun, Heroin.

Agreed.

Boo

Here I was thinking he couldn't look worse than that photo of him with bloody nose

He looks like he's going to try and rob Macauley Culkin's house.

Fuck you that was good.

Thanks.

...and to whoever gave me gold.

Should be at the top

If only they invented some type of system to allow that to happen without having to say it...

If only they invented some type of correcting mechanism for passive aggressive little bitches like yourself....oh wait, there is, it's called assrape

should be at the top

Why is he still going out in public?

When I get to that point I'll be a shut in out of respect for the rest of society. It's like those families that take their retarded wheelchair bound freak kid to a restaurant. Nobody wants to see that shit.

man you arent kidding, i hate that shit. especially when they like try and talk to it and shit. MICHAEL HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR NOODLES?!?!?! ABBRHRAOOPPLDDMAAABNABABABAAAAPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT

Your post made me uncomfortable, because you're right. I hate seeing that. I know I shouldn't, and I would never mock someone who's disabled, but my selfishness makes me think about how they are taking away from my enjoyment. I realize that they deserve to get out of their house too, but again, selfishness. I'm a bad person.

Gettin' all introspective up in this 'mug...

Is that real or did you photoshop the top of Jesse Ventura's head onto his?

Thermite wig.

I WON!

His nose isn't swollen it's just where he stores his Mylar balloons.

I was a BALLOON EXPERT.

I was a fighter, a navy seal, a governor and a balloon blower-upper

Thank you for your service.

"Yeah, huh, YOU can believe he's clean if you want to!"*

No, he doesn’t look good at all.

oh literal Coosaw

Did they give him a fucking lobotomy?

Tsss yeah what about lobotoyou or sumpthin

fawk yea!

That story was ridiculous, but Artie seemed to actually believe what he was saying. He might be hallucinating..

One guy's hallucinating from heroin and the other from booze and dementia. AA is about to get really interesting when they start swatting at invisible bats.

*invisible blacks

I watched that movie too

I LOLed at this one.

He is a seasoned liar.

99% of people in 'entertainment' are. Sickening cunts.

Lying's easy, with me gang! "I love you"

Sounds like drug psychosis https://www.earlypsychosis.ca/pages/diagnosed/problems-substance-use

Wtf drugs sound awesome

He should be homeless living in a KFC dumpster.

... and I hope he's face-up when the manager makes his nightly bleach dump on the thrown out food so as to discourage foragers.

Artie likes bleach, tho.

And he thought the kid wouldn't notice the long hair he left at the back?

He’s loying.

He got beat up just before he went to prison because he owed a bookie money; at the time he was continually advertising a gig (presumably to make the money he owed) which he missed due to being incarcerated.

I'm gonna go ahead and guess whoever Ang runs for caught up with him, and gave him a payment reminder around the head and shoulders.

....and he's already admitted he got beaten before he went in, and that there's part of the story (bookie?) he can't tell:

https://twitter.com/artiequitter/status/953052256039063558

Sensible Stalker Patti in the comments.

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When he dies I know I'll probably cry... I'm crying right now cos I'm drunk, but I'll cry then too.

Are you my mom?

Not sure, but I know you can call me daddy ;)

Jesus Christ... son of a bitch

I almost cried at the "Crying Indian" commercial, so I sympathize.

JESUS CHRIST! Fuck, man.

He looks like something out of lovecraft short story.

Some sort of mutant damaged by radiation.

Drained the fluuuuuuid out of his schnozz nicely and gave him some antibiotics, which is more than he deserves. I like Artie's picture in the background looking like "Who's that bum?" it really drives home how far he fell.

By the way is that a joint in his hand? I could see Anthony and Keith letting him smoke during broadcasts thinking he won't do H then. Artie probably convinced them.

It’s a cigarette faggot.

So it's only missing the jazz in front of it partner

Is this from today? He's actually back? How is he still alive?

Holy fuck Artie looks like shit

Artie should do the world a favor and die already. I grew up with people who were like him. They were malignant, cancerous people who brought destruction upon everyone they loved. They had no desire to actualize themselves, no ambition to transcend the adversity they were born into. Instead they spiraled into the lowest mode of existence, endeavoring to attach everyone else to their descent.

Every protestation of repentance was in vain. They simply appealed to our baser emotions by uttering the standard noises of regret, but we always trusted them; we always thought their desire of reform sincere. Fools that we were, they exploited us until we were just as damaged, until we finally had to sever whatever connection we had with them and let them starve in the streets.

I wouldn't come to this rat's nest of a subreddit if I wasn't broken inside (waaaah, I know, I'm being a whiny faggot). People like Artie broke me, and they've broken millions of others too, some beyond repair. They're currently at an unprecedented rate from opiate overdose. Part of me is sorry for this, but another part is somewhat relieved. Only people who have grown up in slums of shit can understand this feeling.

This is literally one of those pictures that when someone dies the next day you go: "oh well of course he did"

Diabetic gloves. He shaved his head because Blacks were beating him up using his hair as a handle.

A celebrity in a jail had this happen to him? Hmm....

Yeah doubtful. Having spent considerable time in jail and even prison, that’s not how it works. While people do fight etc, people rarely just get beat up who are minding their own business. Not to Mention they probably had Artie in seg. The “blacks” were beating me up bullshit is actually just racism.

Well it is an alt-right show.

His story was dodgy, but he said that a prison guard he knew worked there, and had a grudge. To square things up, he paid off some of the younger prisoners to rough him up for a bit. He said he was in gen pop for his stay.

He's also said "No, I'm not using anymore".

Well thats clear BS alright.

Artie can take 80k a show and knows plenty of lawyers. He can probably pay his way to safety and comfort in any prison.

That is such horseshit and sounds like it’s coming from a movie. Not only would he lose his job if found out, Artie could sue the State for negligence.

When you fight in jail they then put you in seg. People don’t like being in seg.

This is such bullshit it enrages me.

He's already back tracking https://twitter.com/artiequitter/status/953052256039063558

He’s a fucking liar. How does his story of guard paying other inmates to beat him up now become he was beat up before he got there? Where else was he? It never happened. If he got beat up, it’s cause he didn’t pay his fucking dealer like the junkie that he is.

Phony jail stories piss me off cause they further a stigma for those of us who have been through that shit and are actually doing productive shit with our lives.

What did you go to jail for?

Long story but essentially a drug charge.

Is it true that the fact he has money (either lawyers, pull with prison, or paying off dudes) could have helped him in that situation?

Probably. But he would t need it. No one is going to fuck with an old white dude in poor health. There’s no honor in beating him up.

A few others in here have done time. Someone else please chime in and confirm what I’m saying: that’s he’s full of shit.

I was in Alcatraz and had my painting privileges removed by the warden so I cut off my fingers.

He just watches a lot of Lock Up & 60 Days In.

Couldn't he have gotten beaten up at another jail (or holding cell?) before being transferred to Essex? His tweet would make sense without the story he told being bullshit.

I doubt it. Typically, it’s young people who Fight in jail. No one is fucking with some old guy who’s practically dying.

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Did you actually watch this awful fucking show?

That is embarrassing.

Why was u in prison?

I was in Alcatraz for 30 years before I helped the government because I can swim and didn't go to Kanses.

I believed you right up until you misspelled "Kansas".

It's nice to see that they're finally starting to give child molesters lengthy prison sentences

Were you in prison for being criminally gay

Something like that.

I hope this is heavily photoshopped.

Nope

He could be the funniest comedian in the world and the most talented cohost you could ask for, and I would still be spine-tinglingly embarrassed to be seen sitting next to him. Anthony has no shame.

That's not very Christian of you

If Lady Di and Big A had a retarded child... well, here we are

u/braunheiser clip when?

Don't bother

Danny Devito as the Penguin looking motherfucker

Wow does he really expect us to believe he is clean ?

MIND CONTROL

This was funny, in some weird twisted fucking way it was funny. But this guy went from being in dire condition where as close friends and family were so concerned they sought to have him hospitalized and then (supposedly) be taken via airplane to a treatment center and he did all of this successfully in 32 days and can just return to real life ?? No sober coach ?? No "time away to get used to living sober in the everyday world??". He looks worse than he did before the hospital, and how desperate is Anthony and Keith to just let him back in like it was merely a bump in the road ?? I can't believe in 2018 nobody from the O&A universe or the Stern crew can put together a listenable product, they all stink on ice.

That’s a successful stand up comic in his prime

Calling it: He's just had a hair transplant

It does look like that. But...why? His hair is the least of his problems.

His story was bullshit...total bs. He's hiding the scar on the sides by keeping length, and the surgeon shaved the top in order to individually place each follicle in the direction of natural hair growth.

And i did a year and a half in a “parish prison” in Baton Rouge Louisiana. Basically a county jail in the Deep South as a average sized white guy around all blacks. Never had a real issue. Just keep to yourself.

Is this from today's show? What is with the gloves?

I've seen that, but never have seen him wearing gloves before. His toes have to be close to falling off if his hands are that bad.

While I do find his predicament funny I also find it disturbing and sad.

This fat junky fuck really will be dead soon.

He's that bad.

Also, Ant and Keith are enablers in this no joke. It's clear as day what Artie's doing and these fuckers pretend that it's funny and that they genuinely care for his well-being.

If they did they'd fire his fat ass. Ain't no favors but to this sub for keeping him on the show unless it's because his bullshit gets subs.

Maybe Stutterin John was right, 'jectin in his hands, gotta keep dat shit warm, or it'll give you the judders & make you feel like this

Mummenshits

So what's the estimated time of death? I was going to give him 3 months but after seeing this picture I don't even know anymore.

5 years ago.

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:(

Don't frown! This is great.

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Get that fucker on a treadmill

He looks like a corpse that's been dragged out of river but apart from that he's looking pretty good.

Did he have a stroke??

Artie ain't sober 😂

Looks like a mix of Chris Farley playing the lunch lady on SNL and that fucking bird lady from Home Alone 2. We all know what happened to both careers.

Brenda Fricker! Brenda Fricker! The bird lady's name is Fricker! Oscar winning actress of the stage and screen, Brenda Fricker.

lol you just made me imdb her. First Irish actress with an Oscar, good cunt she is.

Yeah I think she was in My Left Foot too.

He looks like the ringmaster of a gay circus.

i woke my dog up laughing at that

Well, he co-hosts the AA Show, so he kind of is.

Welcome to The Greatest FreakShow on Earth

I love that he’s still holding the unlit cigarette, ya know so he looks cool.

He is a typical Springsteen fan, can't get over high school.

I BECAME AN ADDICT, WENDY!

The man just wants to die.

At this point you almost wonder if there is a God, the fact Artie hasn't died means he's providing some comedic relief somewhere... looks up somberly

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He's starting look like my cousin did before he died from the years alcohol and substance abuse.

cocksucker still owes me money

He should wear a bandana.

Glad I checked Reddit. I stopped watching an hour in. I thought this was a joke. I give him 30 days before he relapses.

You watch Compound Media?

Ewww

Sir, He is Artie he already relapsed

Ma’am ya basterddd

I think his hands are dead.

He's like Brando if he took worse care of himself.

Anyone record today's show?

this shit real?

holy shit no fucking way

He could pass for Bocchettis Dad.

guarantee he made up that fucking story about getting beat up with a pipe. He probably read all of the negative tweets about how he got released to some cushy rehab after being caught with 88 bags of smack. (plus he's a repeat offender)

Also, he did not look like he was sober on the AA show.

he said on twitter he was joking about the getting beat up in jail thing

was he joking on the show when he showed his "bruises" too?

you're a fucking imbecile who can't read the english language apparently.

"I was telling the truth that story I told w beating did not happen at Essex County Jail. I was def treated well there. I went in already beat up."

So he did get beat up, just not at Essex county jail.

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ME: He got the fawkin' White Glove treatment! White Glove!!! They gave him the White Glove treatment!

Fawkin stole da bit I was gonna dewwwwww

Looks like he's collecting tolls at Exit 13 on the NJ Turnpike with those gloves.

I disagree

Jack Nicholson’s greatest role: The Joker

Lady Di was on the show today?

Are you an assassin, willard?

Just when you think he couldn't look any worse

Reminder that Artie is 33 years old.

33 years young, is what I like today.

He looks like Don Rickles got buried in the Pet Semetary and is back to haunt us all

He looks like someone dug up Don Rickles' corpse and buried it in the Pet Semetary

Wait a goddamn minute. Those gloves aren’t photoshopped!?!

His appearance morphs weekly - he’s dying.

Looks like they dug and propped up Chris Farley's corpse.

die already

how can someone look worse when they get off of drugs?

It’s not a disease with him. This guy has so many enablers around him that they’re his own worst enemy. Instead of telling him to fix himself, he rushes back and no one stops it.

I give him credit for lasting this long.

After falling off that ladder, his dad had a brighter future than Art does now.

What's with the gloves?

Tried to perform the ol' pull a rabbit out of the hat trick not knowing you shouldn't actually put the hat on

This is really going to be a freak show soon, when artie comes back, with his last gasp.

He looks like one of Vince Vaughn's enemies from Brawl In Cell Block 99. (After a confrontation)

be more specific

I just saw it yesterday, sorry.

(It's so fucking good)

Now I kind of feel bad. I must be getting soft.

His story was dodgy, but he said that a prison guard he knew worked there, and had a grudge. To square things up, he paid off some of the younger prisoners to rough him up for a bit. He said he was in gen pop for his stay.

He grew up attending AA meetings with his mom so he's more qualified than most in judging AA.

Why do I have Stanhope's balls on my chin?

should be at the top

It does look like that. But...why? His hair is the least of his problems.

Thanks.

...and to whoever gave me gold.