I was actually on a flight with Colin Flaherty. We hit pretty bad turbulence and the plane went down.

We hit the water and the plane tore apart, I remember the lights going out and this solid wall of water hitting me. I surfaced and I could hear the turbines still roaring, and far off screams. The fuel at spilt over the surface of the water and combusted, I could hardly breathe because of the fumes. I felt delirious, but I could see an island in the distance. I didn't know if it was a hallucination or not, but I swam towards it anyway.

I reached the island and Flaherty was already there. We waited on the beach, not saying a word to each other. I was hoping for more survivors to swim to shore, but as day turned to night, and night back into day, we knew we were the sole survivors. My entire family had been on that flight, and not only that, I was wracked with guilt that I hadn't made any attempt to save anyone.

We explored the island together, looking for food and supplies. There were only a couple of trees on the island, but there was fresh running water and plentiful berries. All while we explored, Flaherty expressed relief that none of the Afro American passengers on the flight had came to ground and "despoiled" the area. I was sitting next to a young black family, with a cute brown baby, so I didn't enjoy him saying this. We almost fought, but he offered to suck my dick. I didn't let him, but he seemed too pathetic to beat up at that point.

After several weeks, maybe even months, it became obvious that no one was coming to rescue us. He told me he had experience as a shipbuilder, so I fashioned a stone into a crude axe and chopped down the lonely stand of trees. I left him to build a boat while I picked berries.

I came back after a few hours, and he had carved the wood into a crude human effigy, complete with an erect phallus. He had burned the remaining timber and used the ash to paint the rudimentary sex doll black. When I discovered him, he was naked and vigorously fucking himself with it.

"What the hell have you done?", I cried, "you've destroyed our only chance of escape!"

He looked me dead in the eyes and replied: "guess I forgot the raft".

p-p-peckazzz

A+

Worth the wait

Norm Macdonald would be proud

It's a nick nack Patty Whack! Give the frog a loan! His old man was a rolling stone!

I once asked Ant about his face like a bubbling cauldron.

He said “the doctors forgot the skin graft.

I guess I forgot the simile.

Reminds me of a time when me and Colin were gonna share a pizza.

He comes out with a few slices and refuses to give me any.

When pressed he just shrugged and looked at me, dead eyed.

"Guess I forgot your half"

Chomp

Got any half slices?

Tss yeah we wuz playin hevy metal and shit and I was like "Collin where the fudge is your guitar?!?" and he wuz like "guess I forgot it n shiznit DVV DVV DVV"

I'm crying laughing.

colin flaherty dressed up as ron bennington to make fun of him

but nobody got the impression, since something was missing

"guess i forgot the scarf"

We worked in an editing room together on the show scrubs. One day the all the scenes were missing the main character. We looked at me and said "guess i forgot zack braff"

It seems as though somebody can't accept the truth about black crime. Libtard.

I was going to have a devils 3-way with Colin when we were vacationing in Ireland. When I showed up to the hotel, it was just him in the nude, watching "Big Black Dicks XXXtra Hard Volume III." When I asked where the woman was, he said "guess I forgot the lass" and kept tugging his pud.

Vurry disappointing.

Me and Colin were hanging near a holocaust memorial and he starts being all anti semetic. These two jews came out and kicked the shit out of Colin.

I looked at him puzzled, asked him why he didn't keep his mouth shut.

He looked up at me and shrugged.

"Guess I forgot their wrath"

I knew Colin when he worked at the zoo.

I asked him where the long necked ones were.

He shrugged and said "Guess I forgot the Giraffe".

Peckahs

chomp

Yes?

What's it like being in Colin Flaherty's mouth when he's sucking a rainbow coalition of dicks?

It's pretty rough. I have the FBI crime stats to back it up.

Thank you for your service.

You know what they say about people who love the zoo

Ladies and gentlemen the king of the one-liners, Hennyyyyyy Youngman!!!!

drumbeat drumbeat drumbeat drumbeat crash

I invited him over for a baxploitation movie night, but he came empty handed.

"Guess I forgot the Shaft".

That's interesting because I was throat fucking Colin one time. After I came, as cum was dripping out his nose, he said, "Guess I forgot the sack." So then we went for round two, then he tongued my nuts for a while, I came, then he looked up at me and said, "Guess I forgot the crack" click. Then he ate my ass for five hours.

Colin was fitting an en-suite for a friend's cabin, he liked the toilet & basin, but where's he gonna get clean after a hard day's work? Colin just said:

"I guess I forgot the bath" chomp

I ended up lost in the jungle with colin once. We were looking to kill the original black man. He thought if we killed him all the rest would die kind of like vampires. Well we found them salughtered them and decided to get the fuck out of the jungle we couldn't find our way back. I asked if he remembered which way we came from. He took a long pause, looked me in the eyes and said "guess i forgot the path"

We also tried double teaming a hooker once. when (s)he said no to sucking his dick because his balls stunk, i started laughing. He got embarrassed and said "guess i forgot the bath"

I asked Colin why he recieved so much hate from his AA appearance.

He clacked his dentures and said, "I guess I committed a gaffe."

I used to run with Colin on the weekend. Bright and early every Sunday, without fault, he was always ready to go regardless of the weather. He was as dedicated as they come. Of course, it's important to stretch the muscles before and after a run to maintain flexibility. Colin was in charge of leading the stretching on this particular Sunday. Afterwards, whilst running, I noticed him labouring a great deal while clutching the back of his right leg. Out of character for him, I asked him what was the matter. He looked at me earnestly and responded, "Guess I forgot the calf."

AfricanRapeGuy

Initially I figured this for a joke but considering your username and Colin's proclivity for penises that are so black they're almost purple, I'm leaning towards this having actually happened.

Are you serious? You think Colin would really forget the shaft in that case? Clearly made up

I'm not afraid anymore. It's time to stand up and be honest:
I don't really like getting my balls sucked.

I feel like this is a conversation better kept between you and your father.

It's only good in that it's humiliating for the woman, but it doesn't feel particularly pleasurable

u/AfricanRapeGuy This some kind of sick joke?

You can't come on here...posting about your bulbous gonads & not accompany the post w/ pics.

You went in front of the alligator pit...talking about the delicious raw chickens you have with you... then u walked away.

[deleted]

[deleted]

My grandfather was a farmer and Colin’s father was as well. They knew each other and Colin’s father was looking to sell some cattle which included a bull, a female, and a little one at a pretty good price.

My grandfather who needed these to get his cattle farming going jumped at this deal and paid him an 50% down payment. Colin’s father even agreed to deliver them to my grandfather’s farm and collect the other 50%.

When he pulled up my grandfather only notice the bull and the female. The cute little black and white spotted female was missing.

“I thought the baby female was part of this deal?”

Colin’s grandfather replied....

“I guess I forgot that Rich Vos is at Off The Hook Comedy Club in Naples, Florida January 19th thru January 21st.”

I hate that you had a legitimate setup for this

Colin handed me a copy of his first book rife with spelling errors. I brought it to his attention and he replied "Guess I forgot to draft.".

hahaha

I saw him in Mordor standing in the middle of a bridge.

He was yelling at orcs saying they shan't pass waving his arms in the air.

The orcs just walked right past him like he wasn't there.

I asked what happened. He looked at me, crying.

"Guess I forgot the staff"

Colin once came to a black tie event under-dressed, and when confronted with his actions, he said “I guess I forgot to pizzazz.”

My uncle's restaurant was a solid three Michelin stars for the past two years and he was ambitious. Knowing a success when I see on, I'd been helping him for that time with plans on helping co-manage or maybe open up in another city. But these plans were up in the air - he insisted if he didn't get a forth star he would pass the establishment over to management and retire, and he knew from industry friends that this month hidden reviewers would be among the diners. Seeing one of the harshest critics in the corner of the room, my uncle began looking in the fridge for the ingredients to today's special and let out a moan of agony and rage that caused every individual in that kitchen to stop what they were doing.

At the time Colin was working as a butcher for our local meat delivery service. I drove 40 over the limit and goT there, drenched in sweat, to find Styrofoam and plastic wrap strewn all over the backroom floor. The rhythmic sound of leather straps snapping interrupted the refrigeration system. I walked into the cutting room and there was Colin, bent over one of the tables wearing a dog collar collar with two lines leading to hand harness. A tall, stout black man in his 40s was holding each of these harnesses in either hand and using them to slam Colin back into his groin. I walk around the table and as Colin finally saw me and recognized the horror on my face, he used his strong Irish tongue to force out a cherry red ball gag with some effort. "Colin, THE VEAL. The food critic is at the restaurant. WHERE IS THE VEAL?" He cracked a smile.

"Guess I forgot the calf."

Reminds me of the time Colin Flaherty was doing a powerpoint presentation on black crime statistics.

Some guy in the audience said he couldn't read the numbers on the projector screen. He wanted to know if there was an easier way to display them.

Colin looked carefully at his powerpoint project for three straight minutes before turning to the audience, sheepish.

"Guess I forgot the graph"

But if Ant was standing outside in the rain, what would you do?

You'd tell him to get out of the rain

Good call. It does makes his hair look flat and thin.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B_yBQwBW8AAY8nV.jpg

Well good sir, it's because that black cock of yours is usually inside of his wife as he licks the balls of the bull breeding his wife.

Takes it to far guy.

I didn't even mention his clean up duty

still fighting

I guess you don't understand the term confidentiality.

I heard Colin once tried to bring lunch to a White Supremacist meeting. He was known for his tasty Macaroni and Cheese with added white cheddar. When he walked in empty handed he only said "I guess I forgot the Kraft"

I was talking to Colin about creepy celebrities. He said he couldn't believe Patton Oswalt remarried just 9 months after killing his wife. I told him it was actually 7 months.

He replied, "Guess I forgot my math."

I used to work on a wheat farm in Iowa with Colin, he fucked up the setting on the tractor and only had the top part of the wheat in the hoppers when we finished.

The boss said "What the hell happened?"

Colin said "I guess I forgot the chaff."

[deleted]

He was my dr in the ER one time. I had a terrible infection right above my dick. It was all swollen and red. I assumed ot was bacterial but he said it was viral. Well he gave me the wrong medicine. Had to have surgery to fix it. I sued him for malpractice when the judge asked if he had anything to say he turnes and looked at me and said very softly " guess i forgot the staph"

Me and Colin used to be buddy cops in the mid 90's. One night we were on a stakeout and he told me to put on the "punk CD". Confused, I replied "The punk CD?".

He says to me, "I guess I forgot the daft".

I worked bomb disposal with Colin. Every single time I said "Red wire or black wire...?" I got a 45 minute lecture on the underreporting of black crime statistics.

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I asked Colin Flaherty to name all the creatures in the animal kingdom. I told him that he missed one. He said "I guess I forgot giraffe"

Important, Did he leave on his Irish cocksucker hat.

Don’t ever go hiking with Colin. Which is a mistake I made. We went for a hike once on the Appalachian Trail and he assured me he knew the way. Our supplies were running low and I was getting worried we would run out of food when Colin asks me if I brought a map. I’m like “What the fuck are you talking about Colin? You never told me to bring a map . You said you hiked this trail before.” Colin just stared blankly at me for a few seconds , scratched the side of his head and said “Guess I forgot the path”.

What's that?

Colin is known for poppin’ out the dentures and givin’ gumjobs to colored gentlemen.

Shut this masterpiece sub down?

Go suck a lady cock, Ant.

He was fitting my windows. He needed a bit of walking around cash and said he used to be a fitter. So I felt for the guy and gave him the gig. I told him to let himself in as I had to go to work. I gave him a set of keys and off I went. I was so excited to finally get double glazing as winter was coming and the house would get quite chilly at times. Colin said he'd be done by the time I got home so I made sure to throw him a little extra as a thank you. I wrapped up my day at work and headed home. I was sitting in my living room for ten minutes, absolutely freezing. Winds were swirling around me and I didn't know how it could be so cold knowing Colin had done such a great job with my new windows. I'm not a window expert so I really couldn't work it out. After an hour waiting to see if it got better I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to call Colin. I explained the situation to him and expressed how cold I was. I had finished discussing my problem and for a good fifteen seconds he didn't say a word. "Colin?" I asked. Suddenly he cleared his throat. "Guess I forgot the glass"

Colin Flaherty told me he had a major media enterprise dedicated to documenting the scourge of black crime.

But when I showed up to his office it was just him watching World Star Hip Hop videos and using the n-word.

He shrugged and said "Guess I forgot the staff." click

Guess I forgot Zach Braff and Scrubs and shit. Too lazy for all this storytelling

What about the time he got into an argument with that overweight black woman. She got all up in his face and he clearly back down. Afterward i said "what happened with all those stats?" Shaken up from the conflict he managed to get these words out. "Guess i forgot about the sass"

Shut up, stupid.

Cant win every time. Ran out of puns by the 5th one. You can still lick around by balls though

What is this, r/jokes?

I guess you forgot which fawking subreddit you were in tssss

fawkin oscar u get me everytime!! guess i did sockcuckaa!!

I asked why comin was still a virgin and if he needed some advise with the ladies. He slowly looked up at me, took that stupid fucking hat off and placed it in his lap. He wept for a minute before barely getting the words out inbetween his sobbing. His words were " i forgot to smash"

I didn't even mention his clean up duty