My shit day (literally and figuratively). Cheer me up.
0 2017-12-21 by Osama_Bin_Log_in
To make a long story short, before dawn this morn hit a dog on the highway in my NEW SUV on the way to work, thought it was smaller than it was (ended up the dog was 30+ lbs) so I tried to straddle it. 20 miles later down the road the radiator blows up and I check the front and the whole bumper is caved in. Happened in the middle of BFE, nothing around for miles. I open up a can of Starbucks, a bag of pretzel, heating blanket and pillow, and turn on J&S, and then put the seat on incline and just wait. Santa looking guy stopped but I said no ty. Suddenly I had to take a Massive shit. Considered emptying lunch bag and going in the back seat but decide not to sacrifice the snazzy Oracle bag. Open both passenger doors instead and went in between. The best dump of my life! Even took a pic of it. No toilet paper around though (later when I got home found that it was a completely clean expulsion!). Troopers came by later, and they called a tow truck. Awaiting estimate, hope engine isn't fucked. Dog ded. Going to the beach for two weeks over the holidays, hope they fix it by then.
30 comments
1 ThisCatMightCheerYou 2017-12-21
Here's a picture/gif of a cat, hopefully it'll cheer you up :).
I am a bot. use !unsubscribetosadcat for me to ignore you.
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
Fuck you, bot. I have PTSD now.
1 cormacMcCarthysWhore 2017-12-21
John Everyman, ladies and gentlemen.
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
Didn't want to be with the family this holiday season so taking off to do some surf fishing.
And it's Jane Everyman tyvm.
1 Bams_seed 2017-12-21
wait.. where did you shit?
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
On the side of the road, between the two open doors.
1 Bams_seed 2017-12-21
you're an animal
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
From you, I will take that as a compliment :)
1 Daddy_Donuts 2017-12-21
Hey look on the bright side, at least it wasn’t your dog! Haha that dog owner is gona feel so dumb when they find out!
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
Ty. Your comment (and the Xanax tabs I just slammed) is helping.
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
They're probably kicking themselves for it not being on a leash, as the law requires.
1 866-Ron-0-Fez 2017-12-21
You killed some kids pet, acted like a crack head in your 'NEW SUV' before enjoying a beach themed Christmas...and you came here, of all places, to be cheered up?
Vainglorious cunt.
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
When you put it that way you make me sound so ... vapid.
I'll take it.
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
So does this mean you aren’t rooting for me to catch a big Cobia during my trip?
1 Pino_Palladino 2017-12-21
You troll for cobia not surf fish
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
In the winter they're inshore, often hanging around markers, near big bridges, and piers.
1 866-Ron-0-Fez 2017-12-21
You used to be funny, in your own jejuney cunty way. What the fuck happened?
1 lolercakesmcgee 2017-12-21
“so I tried to straddle it”
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
Yes, had the dog been a set of bowling pins, it would have certainly been a strike! Dead center in bumper.
1 Horst-Wessel-Lied 2017-12-21
i straddled over just hit deer in a beater ford tempo that got all over exhaust and converter,suspension it took over three years not notice a smell some times near it
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
Was it a small deer? It's amazing your front end could even clear it. I'm thinking of getting one of those bumper guards now. Living in the country sucks -- sometimes it's a deer. Or s dog, and even bears here.
Good news though, my deductible is only $100 and they will give me a rental up to $600 so I don't have to use my other vehicles while this one gets repaired.
1 Horst-Wessel-Lied 2017-12-21
Average doe maybe 75 pounds it was cracked open guts laying out still steaming it layed little flatter even with that don't know how it made it over.only problem have with bears is them shitting on porch,coyotes pissing on truck tires and people hitting porcupines.i've hit a few turkeys
1 wgtragic 2017-12-21
I hope you fucking burn in hell dog killer!
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
Yeah, I’m more of a cat person, planned to burn in hell anyway actually.
1 jjoharanyc1 2017-12-21
I hope your SUV is totaled, I hope it rains every day you're at the beach, and I hope your plane crashes on the way home.
Happy holidays.
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
I hope so too! It’s a 2017 but would love the 2018 version.
As for rain, The fish don’t care one way or the other, dummy. They live in the water.
Alas, no plane ride for me thankfully, just a 5.5 hr ride to OBX.
Best wishes to you and yours as well.
1 jjoharanyc1 2017-12-21
You're proof that I will never get what I want for Christmas.
Enjoy your trip, cheerful faggot.
1 Toss__Pot 2017-12-21
I ain't gonna read all that just now, but someone sold me some shit shit, I don't mean the shit, I just mean shit... I'm lazy sometimes & no-one else delivers shit, so I won't be buying more shit. I'm feeling shit. Hope that helps & I might read your shit later.
1 ThatNiggaDre 2017-12-21
You sped away from the scene after hitting the dog?
1 Osama_Bin_Log_in 2017-12-21
I wouldn't say I speed away, no. Should I have stood in the middle of the highway at half-dark and held a vigil?