His life.

I like the one about putting cocaine on cheeseburgers if you want to walk to St Louis one night

But did you know Neil Patrick Harris is Clint Eastwood for millennials?

Or the one about his uncle “Jew broad who fights Dracula’s” “he was eating mozzarel like an apple.” Funny the 1000 and first time!..... Artie sux

Sobriety

The one where he was on mad tv doing a sketch called babe watch where he was dressed up as a pig doing blow with Nick dipaolo and Patrice at the cellar. Nick asks Patrice how his physical went and Patrice said "I got three things that kill niggas." And without missing a beat Nick says, "Yknow why Bill Cosby has a lazy eye? Because when you walk to st. Louis to trade your friends baby for Angel dust, you gotta baby gorilla!"

Pretty sure Nick said, "Is one of them a handgun?".

Sweet, I love mashups

“I was having sex with this black chick and she kept yelling the N word at me, needless to say it was really uncomfortable having her yell no so much during sex”

Rape jokes aren't funny

Get raped and die.

You are going to hell

You are going to hell

You are going to hell

His fight with crazy Alice when he started calling her 'the grimace' and then did the fat albert 'hey hey hey its crazy Alice' had me in tears.

There was one time where he jokingly apologized to her, and started to convince her he was genuine. Then, once he got her to believe everything he saud, he went back to insulting her and she exploded.

I'm sorry baby.... FUCK YOU YOU STUPID BITCH. Come on, im sorry. HI FRED! FUCK YOU YA FAT COCK SUCKER!

Can a nigga get a link?

He once showered between a blood and a crip in LA county jail and was never happier to be fat and ugly in his life.

Even if he gets annoying at times at least he's attempting to tell jokes. No pontificating, no talking about his breakfast, and most importantly, no wrestling.

It took me a few shows to get Artie's pace. The callbacks he does/running gags are super funny. Some of my favs are:

"Did you go see that guy? What'd he say? What'd you say? What'd he do? What did you do? And what did he say when you did that? .... He's a jerk off!"

Let's knock off early

Best ever IMO is ... All the "PC Police, PC Police...." Then he and Anthony say the most offensive things.

Him dropping his elbow off the desk when talking to the porn chicks is funny too.

The show is can't miss me for me now.

The show is can't miss me for me now.

Well said

Best ever IMO is ... All the "PC Police, PC Police...." Then he and Anthony say the most offensive things.

For how simple that "bit" is they really nail it.

Artie is the mafuckin man. Cracking me up for 20+ years. Nothing but love

Listen to "hi pitch Mike going to disneyland by himself" from Stern. Artie's in hysterics the whole time and just ripping the dude a new asshole

He did an OJ impersonation where he said "I guess some bitches just dont like their necks."

I love the fat junkie mess.

My favorite was the one about him being a morbidly obese lifelong whore fucking drug addict who somehow manages to blow every single opportunity he's given again and again.

He's deteriorated ever so slightly over the years, when he was on Stern he was so funny that even when he started laughing you knew he had some great line.. drugs really fucked with him. Imagine where he'd be if he just had normal habits

Artie's "I can't breathe" twitter joke is my favorite honestly. Went something like "I was banging my black girlfriend and choking her and she said I can't breathe. I said baby, don't bring politics into the bedroom."

But did you know Neil Patrick Harris is Clint Eastwood for millennials?

Pretty sure Nick said, "Is one of them a handgun?".

Or the one about his uncle “Jew broad who fights Dracula’s” “he was eating mozzarel like an apple.” Funny the 1000 and first time!..... Artie sux

Sweet, I love mashups