hey man. When i was a kid, my buddy in nj got his bike stolen. so his dad drove him around till they found the kid ridding it. when they found him, the dudeds dad whipped the car in front of them, stopped short, got out and bitch slapped the kid so hard he got knocked off the bike. New jersey is cool.

The world used to be a cooler place in general when it was more acceptable to sort people out physically. When I was a kid, if I threw something at a guy's car I'd fully expect him to get out and do a lot worse than I did.

haha yup. when i was a kid, my friends would get in multiple fights a week on the beach, but now we all would be put in jail.

Haha, yeah, and I used to throw rocks at cars on the highway! Wait no, that's Chip or Jim, I can't keep track anymore.

I blame it on the internet. Used to be you couldn't really shit talk someone unless you were face to face with them. Now keyboard tough guys do it constantly at places like opieand...oh shit just forget it!

Wait, do Canadian prisons have niggers?

Legitimate question.

The natives are kind of the stand-in niggers. But yeah, there's a few. I'm sure there's more in maximum security places.

are there blacks in canadian jails? i did 4 weeks for shining a lazer at the police helicopter, the blacks controlled the tv and we had to watch BET all day long!

lazer

I hope they gang-raped you.

Today would be a good day to sign up for anger management lessons, or even a psych.

It'll give the judge the impression that you're genuinely trying to deal with the problem, not just avoid prison.

Buy a dash cam

Don't fuck up my OPIESUX vanity plate like you just did your life.

pretty retarded but a group of real ass niggas like us are about that life u know? stay strong nigga

I hope you're forced into manual labor so we can declare one member of this subreddit to be in decent shape.

Or productive

At the very least I'd say getting to assault a teenager is almost worth the jail time. Send u/killakuhn our regards

Holy fuck, read this post of his:

https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/50o1en/my_son_thinks_everything_is_a_phone/?st=JA43EN48&sh=58cbcd5a

Almost makes me cry.

What is that? Sympathy? empathy for the human condition?

No place for that here. Take those tears and see yourself out.

Thanks for the info 2 months later. I hope this guy brought the tardy sauce am I right gang?

No you're not right. You're a Jew.

I can still be right sometimes. Even a Jew is right twice a day as the saying goes.

I think that was Plato.

More like gaydo

Must've thought the windshield was ringing that day.

got a wiggas ribs hurtin

Tuh-DAY!!!

Jesus dude

fag

I'm probably going to jail for a bit

sounds like a good bit

ME: that's the bit you dope

No he meant "bit" as in "length of time".

boo, how about Literal_Suicide instead?

HA! 'literal' is in ur name... niccce!

This sub really shines a light on the accomplishments of humanity.

Theres probably about another 8 killakuhn level ssssscumbags on here but we dont know their identity and therefore will never know their crimes

It could be ANY of us!

Linda Springwood is ground zero for the beetus.

that's just what is known from us degenerates.

Imagine what crimes are as of yet unknown

say hi to babykillah. tell him we miss him.

we dont miss him

My advice would be to kidnap a 13 year old girl, drive into the badlands and wait for the pigs.

This some kind of Roman Polanski movie plot you referencing or something?

An old Martin sheen movie, called badlands strangely enough...

Oh, Terrence Malik then eh?

Was actually thinking about this movie for some reason.. But my point is really, if you're going out, why not go hard. (And hebephilia is ethically and morally a step up from a lot of other illegal sexual proclivities... Although still obviously frowned upon...)

music and tone wise i can see the influence on true romance

[removed]

Tarantino took some things from Badlands, but True Romance is more of a fantasy, and is funnier, while Badlands tells its story with more integrity i would say. Both are great though.

true romance used to be my favorite movie, never saw badlands

It's worth seeing, although many will find it slow.

"He hates people who litter"

ohh watch out for this badass

Hates people who litters, but LOVES fucking awkvard young girls in short shorts.

ahem by any chance we're these teenagers of color?

The one I threw around was a pale, lanky wigger, and the other one was just a big dumb looking, baby-faced white kid who was walking around in a t-shirt even though it's cold as fuck here today.

pale, lanky wigger

Ugh, tell me you called him a wigger while curb stomping him. That's not a hate crime yet as far as I know.

He threw grape juice, what do you think ?

Do, they know who you are? It sounds like the little pussy will probably just use this as a learning lesson, but you called his mother mummy, so I'm assuming you're in the UK or Aus, wherein his mummy might be a hysteric, and this goes over doubly if you're white there since no one has the balls or wants to get arrested for a hate crime for reporting a third world savage. Either way, make sure to eat your lentils to stay strong and prepare yourself for combat mode if the worst case situation. This happened to me once, my roided up guido buddy of mine picked me up when he got his new BMW and these 2 bearded Latino kids threw one of those 24 oz cans of Arizona Iced Tea. We got out and pummeled the kids, and got pulled over a few miles later. Turns out they were 15 year old street punks, and we were in our early 20's. It became a legal nightmare for several years and I ended up spending dozens of thousands of dollars on fees, had probation for many years, and had to do all other sorts of bullshit. Good luck Ghost.

I don't know who they are but I live in a small town and drive a kind of distinct car. If I don't get arrested, I still have to worry about the little cunt keying it or some shit. Also, I'm in Canada.

On the bright side, if you do get arrested, he'll probably key it anyway while you're in the pokey. So that's one less thing to worry about.

Nah, I'd leave it with my old man who is a giant, terrifying old fuck.

The good news is Canadian jails are a breeze.

And terrorists get 10 million.

It really is just like summer camp with a bunch of borderline retards that you can't stand but you spend more time indoors.

If you're from Ottawa and going to Innes I can maybe help you out.

Thanks, man. I'm a few hours away though.

How's the food?

They have swimming pools at minimum security prisons. Fuck this faggot.

Could you imagine if he had to go to Rikers.

Then what are you complaining about? Nobody is afraid of Canadian prisons. You're sounding like you're going to do time on Rikers Island with a bunch of angry coloreds waiting to rape you.

Because it's painfully fucking boring and I hate most of the people I have to spend time with in there. It could be a lot worse but I'd rather be free to do whatever I want and sleep with the lights off.

New York prisons are fawkkkin bruuutal. Imagine going to Clinton.

You're in Canada? If they come to arrest you just say you're muslim and the kid offended you and abused his white privilege. Throw in a few admiral ackbars and demand a prayer rug so you can pray to mecca and you'll probably get off with no jail time. You Canadian faggots are so politically correct and afraid of offending muslims that they can do just about anything, up to and including rape and murder and do no jail time.

If that doesn't work then just walk up to the biggest, meanest looking guy in jail, drop to your knees, unzip his fly and say, "What do you have for me daddy?"

Damn. Goodluck man. Hopefully the pissy eyed faggot takes the L, and lets it go, or if he cries to mommy, she slaps him for being an asshole.

Damn. I bet that mug's friend is making fun of him for getting roughed up by a slightly overweight 40 year old.

slightly

When you go in, beat up the biggest person there. Then they will respect you.

Beat off the biggest person there and he’ll have protection

He'll probably tell his mummy.

Tssssss at least he won't tell the Wolfman.

Tss yea or like his DOG!

tssssss cause hes in london

Hes not in Kansas anymore

Fawk let's keep this going

SNOWAAAY !

The whole "mum" usage over there is infuriating.

I was expecting peckahs at the end

Aren't we all?

That's what he's going to get...in the end.

You did good

How many cigarettes are you worth?

You tell me. I'm 27, 6'2", 190 lbs., very unclean asshole.

Pics for verification

You are a very valuable commodity.

You're fat as fuck, Zach. Shut the fuck up.

Early one mornin' while makin' the rounds I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down I went right home and I went to bed I stuck that lovin' .44 beneath my head

What kinda car do you drive?

'95 Cadillac STS

Drives a Cadillac, on probation for assault. Mighty niggerish behavior, OP.

I know.. I promise I'm of Norwegian and German descent. I live in a place with a lot of meth heads and wiggers. Sometimes you have to smack these retards.

He was just mad the kid wasted all that delicious grape juice.

Lol jail over a 95

What're you, a hipster? Or just broke...

Fuck you. I love that car. I prefer to spend a couple thousand in cash and own a vehicle outright for hardly any money than to make payments for years on a piece of shit new car that drastically depreciates in value the second you drive it off the lot.

I hope that investigators search this up and use it in the case against you and you get more jail time for being so stupid.

So what is it you're on probation for? And how much time are we talking?

I'm on probation for assault. Surprise! I have no idea how much time we're talking because the only other time I breached probation I was a minor and was out in like less than a week.

Just get a pick, gold pan and head to the mountains and search for some gold. Fight a bear or two while you're at it to vent.

Enjoy the rape!

>:)

Nothing is ever a cons fault, like beating up a little kid after he almost ran him over.

I rolled up slowly and came to a complete stop like 3 feet away from them, honked the horn and then had fruit punch all over my car. How would you have reacted?

If you rolled slowly to a stop why did you honk? Fuck them for crossing the street? You sound like a real hard case.

They were walking literally down the middle of the road and weren't moving to either side. So I gave it a short honk. It's not like I laid on the horn like an asshole.

Ok thats a dumb thing for them to be doing. Is it a quiet neighborhood or a busy road? I could see kids doing that if it's their neighborhood and hardly any cars were around. You should've just floored the Prius and left no witnesses.

It's not a busy road and there's nothing on it but two houses on either end and a big warehouse, so I understand what they were doing and again I wasn't a dick about it until he put sticky juice all over my hood and windshield. And it's not their neighborhood but I think they were headed to the "school" for shitheads who get kicked out of regular school.

Honestly good for you. I hope it hurt the little shit.

Shouldn't have kicked him, for your own sake. But holding him down while dumping wiper or break fluid on his face would have been more of a fit for tat.

Like a fucking adult. Enjoy the pen, hope that pride was worth it.

Describe to me how an adult would react.

"Hey, fellas! You shouldn't vandalize people's things, It's not very kind."

And they would respond "Shut the fuck up, biiitch! I ain't nevah scurred!" And throw more shit at me.

You're on probation, dumbass. React in whatever way doesn't get you thrown in jail.

I'm also an adult and I've never honked at someone crossing the street. I got a day off today and on my drive home I honked at someone who was stuck in traffic and suddenly drove into my lane without signaling as I was going full speed. I only honked because I had to slam the brakes so I wouldn't wreck both our cars due to his inability to look around or signal his intentions. Many other people who cut in front of me while all of us were in traffic, who signaled first, did not get any honks.

I absolutely understand the rage at someone fucking with my car, but I'm confident that the honking and previous crimes which got you probation were fairly easy to avoid. Things like that tend to make you look bad when you go "hey, look at the assholes who committed lesser crimes than me!" as you're more likely to be the guilty party in every future situation.

They weren't crossing the road. They were walking down it and I couldn't get around them or get them to acknowledge me so I honked. I used the horn the way it is intended to be used.

i dunno but if this story is true, its dumb to beat up asshole children. I mean going to a 5 dollar car wash could have solved this alleged problem.

also letting children piss you off this much.

Lol, typical lying con where you're somehow now the victim. Their story makes perfect sense, yours makes none.

This world is too PC you can't even kick a 16 year old who you shoved on the ground without violating probation anymore.

Oh neat, a low key Jail Pride thread

Not to sound like a total badass or anything, but I've done some prettttttttty wild things and gone to jail once or twice myself fellas

I am dealing with legal problems too, man.. I'm a clepto....I have 2 shoplifting charges. Aren't we a stand up group of people here?

What did you steal?

Food and OTC recreational drugs such as DXM

Looks like we found another female amongst us.

I'm a dude you faggot.

https://giphy.com/gifs/reactiongifs-urMZap3TxsYiA

[deleted]

on one hand you both behaved very niggerishly, on the other hand i think most physical violence should be allowed.

So... do you have any reason to believe he went to the police?

He probably didn't. Unless he is actually injured.

Why?

Because he doesn't want his parents to find out and deal with the bullshit involved.

He definitely wasn't injured and I'm guessing I'm fine. I was kind of wound up and nervous about it earlier though.

So, with an assault on your record, what do you do for work? unemployed?

I'm a carpenter and I work for myself. And I'm not a full-time psycho or anything. I'm known to be a pretty nice guy but if someone does something that they obviously deserve to get hit for, I hit them and they call the cops.

A self employed carpenter with a history of assault sounds a lot like an out of work alcoholic with a history of assault. But I'm sure you're just up to your neck in jobs. Just trying to walk the straight and narrow. Dealing out vigilante justice on sixteen year olds whenever necessary.

dont drop the soap nigga

Got a nigga.. asshole bleeding taday

so why the probation? whats the intial offence?

what country?

If any of you have kids around 16, beat them so strangers don't have to do it for you.

Jail was created literally to keep idiots like you away from society.

Christ, first /u/carribeanjimmy now you. Could you fucking people just control your impulses a little bit more than not at all?

Fucking relax dude. You're overly anxious because you did something stupid with a month left. Those idiots probably weren't smart enough to memorize your license plate as you were kicking them on the ground.

Here's what would need to have happened for you to go to jail.

1. Idiot children knew to memorize your plate.
2. Wigger decides he wants to talk to his mommy, despite the fact that the wigger probably has already been involved in enough problems at home, at school, and with the law. (In other words, he doesn't want to appear like he's involving in yet another problem to his parents).
3. They decide to press charges, but you probably don't have bruised knuckles, so you can just deny, deny, deny.

You're fine. Anxiety always manifests itself as obsessing over the worst case scenario.

You make a lot of sense.

It's not like you did permanent damage, if anything maybe taught them a valuable lesson about respecting people's property. Dindu nuffin.

I'd respect you more if you were going to jail cuz' a 16-year old threw his juice in your mouth and asshole.

Holy shit, I just realized Abe Vigoda is dead.

Fuck you, OP.

http://www.abevigoda.com/

I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

The dude would be almost 100! I hate to shock you further but George Burns is also dead.

Mummy? You brits shouldn't be allowed to post here until you grow some balls again and take back your empire.

Canadian. Where we love trannies and hate racism.

Get ahead of it. Call the cops first. Report that 2 kids tried to carjack / mug you and you had to defend yourself. Get your story straight and check for cams along your route first.

Haha

TIL TheGhostOfAbeVigoda has the same skin tone as Mr Hankey.

He's a nigger because he is in trouble with the police GEDDIT

Did anyone else read the title and immediately check the username to see if it was caribbeanjimmy?

Good riddance

Lay low, and stop letting others control your emotions

Is everybody going to fucking jail, say hello to Christopher from him, tell him the Vizio is a subpar brand

Meh you know what? If jail doesn't get this sub overeating and alcoholism will.

On day one make sure to find the toughest, meanest looking guy and beat him up.

Wow your story is full of delusion.

I hope someone in jail treats you the way you treated this kid.

pale, lanky wigger

Ugh, tell me you called him a wigger while curb stomping him. That's not a hate crime yet as far as I know.

The world used to be a cooler place in general when it was more acceptable to sort people out physically. When I was a kid, if I threw something at a guy's car I'd fully expect him to get out and do a lot worse than I did.

I know.. I promise I'm of Norwegian and German descent. I live in a place with a lot of meth heads and wiggers. Sometimes you have to smack these retards.

He was just mad the kid wasted all that delicious grape juice.

I'm a dude you faggot.