I just remembered that I used to jerk off next to my dad (no homo)

27  2017-11-04 by Whydontulovemelynsi

Your sister is hosting a party. The only computer working in the house is in the living room. You are very horny. You get a blanket and pull it over you and the computer to watch hentai in the middle of the party

I read that quote on another sub this morning, and after a hearty chuckle it reminded me that I used to jack off next to my dad in the living room when I was 13. I had almost forgotten this happened (a lot)

On the weekends Dad and I would wake up to watch the discovery channel together while he read the newspaper and I messed around with a shitty old HP laptop. I would sit on the la-z-boy wrapped up in my blankie and he would sit on one side of the couch, with his coffee mug resting on the end-table between us which provided about 3 feet of separation.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't shooting loads yet because I can't even imagine what I did with all the jizz if I was. I would slyly angle my screen out of his view, puff up the blanket so I had a nice little air pocket to work in, and then start browsing some wretched early-2000's fetish porn sites. At some point I guess I got confident enough to slowly and meticulously start jacking my dick while trying to look completely normal and motionless above the blanket. I remember orgasming a lot while struggling to maintain an inhumanly neutral stare as some TV scientist rambles in the background about electric cars and bulletproof silly-putty. I can assure you that the worst kind of orgasm ever is the one where you're constantly terrified that your dad is going to make eye contact with you halfway through and tell you to smarten the fuck up.

27 comments

1  A_Friendly_Creeper 2017-11-04

The fuck?

1  Whydontulovemelynsi 2017-11-04

That's what I'm now wondering. I definitely thought I was getting away with it at the time but my dad is also not the kind of guy who would say anything out of awkwardness if he suspected it.

1  A_Friendly_Creeper 2017-11-04

Damn, Freud would have had a field day with you.

1  Whydontulovemelynsi 2017-11-04

tsss a field day? what am i a black guy or sumthin?

1  A_Friendly_Creeper 2017-11-04

I think it was something Oedipal. You were trying to prove your dominance.

1  late_50s_why 2017-11-04

Pls call him now we have to know

Don’t let him take it to the grave

Tell him the Ona sub needs to know

1  CumiasTheBeesKnees 2017-11-04

Without a doubt he absolutely fucking knew.

You should do it again sometime soon and see if he says anything.

"WTF Gregg.. I thought you grew out of this shit!!.. Fine, I'll fuck you.. Don't TELL MOM!!"

1  johnnyroberts 2017-11-04

Dude, he knew, probably had a rod the whole time I bet.

1  Whydontulovemelynsi 2017-11-04

How could you not know, right? Kids suck at everything, especially concealing shit.

1  johnnyroberts 2017-11-04

Exactly, if a kid was a foot away from you tugging his cock you would know no matter how sly the kid was. But lets get down to the real deal here, what were you jerkin off too?

1  Whydontulovemelynsi 2017-11-04

I distinctly remember one time jacking to old black and white vintage porn on the smithsonian website.

1  enzo_trash 2017-11-04

the smithsonian has porn online?

bullsugar

1  Bluesmoky 2017-11-04

I just remembered that I used to jerk off next to my dad (no homo)

1  Whydontulovemelynsi 2017-11-04

don't cut dat part out, gawdammit babe

1  BeakersRedBush 2017-11-04

He was probably doing the same thing on the other end of the couch. If you would've known you could've went back to back.

1  Cold-in-the-D 2017-11-04

The old man was probably recording it, that's why he didn't bother you.

1  aidspiss 2017-11-04

Funny, your story reminded me of my childhood, when i was watching an Inspector Gadget cartoon at a friends house, while he was on the floor fucking his 6yo sister in the ass, and the horror i felt when i saw their mom coming up the stairs behind us in the reflection of the TV screen.

1  helobious1 2017-11-04

Was your friend taping you from the closet?

1  aidspiss 2017-11-04

Exactly. Then the mother hysterically screamed "Stop it! You're hurting her!!" and i fell out of the closet and puked on the mother and she was so shocked that a little shit nugget fell out of her ass right in her daughter's mouth.

1  ffffantomas 2017-11-04

I based whether I would read this essay on the upvotes and I was left in limbo because 12 is probably enough for this sub but I didn't read anyway.

1  NortheastPhilly 2017-11-04

I jerked off in the back row of science class in 8th grade to the girl that was sitting in front of me. Had a substitute so I over the pants jerked and shot a blank

1  Hold_My_Brush22 2017-11-04

Every little boy did this. Right fellas?

1  UnfunnyFaggott 2017-11-04

You already had a laptop, that's more than half the battle. You couldn't have taken it up into your room? We only had one desktop in our den in the early 2000s and I had to meticulously plan my masturbating to when I was home alone. I think part of you wanted your dad to be present. Thanks for sharing.

1  cormacMcCarthysWhore 2017-11-04

yeah, nice humble brag OP, fuckin tough guy. your dad raised a nincompoop.

1  cormacMcCarthysWhore 2017-11-04

mmmm... did your older sister catch you and blackmail you into fucking her till she squirts and then cumming inside her pussy and your parents watch thru the crack of the door playing with each others nipples and making each other cum like voyeurs?

1  comic631 2017-11-04

I used to jerk off in the living room when Dr Sue came on the Women's Network at midnight. I would sneak down and turn the TV on really low so I'd have to sit a foot away from it and go at it.

1  GraphOrlock 2017-11-04

Remember that episode of TNG where Data got a new chip installed and then he couldn't stop jacking off while doing a thousand-yard stare