-They mention the ironically shitty intro music at the start of the show (yes, they're still doing that gag.) Sam has he just noticed the faggot who sings on it doesn't hit the notes. Jim: "But it works." Sam: "I love it! I really love it!"

-Jim says he keeps getting tweets from people asking if he's ever seen anything he regularly did "turn into a murder charge." Sam says his example would be inviting friends over to watch WWE pay per views with him. Jim: "I guess maybe when your friends walks in you push him and say 'HULKAMANIA!' or whatever it is you say. But imagine you did that, he fell on the couch and broke his neck. So then you'd be charged with murder, oh my goodness!" Sam asks if this means he's one "uncoordinated shove away from a murder charge." Jim finally explains that this question was asked because he talked about throwing rocks at cars as a kid and now some kids have been charged with murder because they threw a rock at a car that caused a fatal accident. Jim remembers being in Edison, NJ on Fox RD throwing rocks at cars from a bridge when he was 9 years old. Jim tells more stories about throwing rocks and snowballs at cars. Sam asks if he ever ran off afraid with a friend and they had to "suck each other off for comfort". Jim says his friend Marvin wouldn't have done that with him. Jim says this continued until he was 13 "back when I used to put toothpaste on my asshole because it burned." Sam asks him to explain this. Jim: "One day when I didn't wipe good enough my ass got red and itchy. So in Marvin's house, I went into his guest bathroom, and I found some Aquafresh toothpaste. I put it between my cheeks because I thought it would be cooling and refreshing. But it felt like someone lit my asshole on fire."

-Travis chimes in to say generations of boys will never change being destructive. Sam tells an incredibly boring story about fucking with a neighbor by messing up their mannequin display every morning. This segment is completely boring. Sam then tells Jim that his childhood stories remind him of the movie The Good Son. Jim: "Yeah, I was always a little hellraiser." This segment has been 10 minutes but feels much longer. We do get a reference to The Lordz, which is the only funny part, when Sam asks Jim if The Lordz offered protection to people on mischief night. But 15 minutes is it's still going on, back to boring kids stories.

-Travis says Sam was the only kid who took D.A.R.E. seriously. Sam remembers how D.A.R.E. only gave out extra large t-shirts so the fat kids wouldn't feel bad. He also remembers he has a picture of him as a kid with a mullet wearing a tucked in D.A.R.E. shirt. Sam says he thinks it's hilarious when people who do drugs wear D.A.R.E. shirts ironically and laughs about it. Jim salvages this lame segment by asking Travis "What did you think D.A.R.E. stood for? Dads Against Rapid Exits?" Alright, that's the old Jimmy we used to love on the radio. But Sam immediately ruins the moment by telling a useless story about the time some Mexican kid stuck a thumbtack in his shoulder at school. He really is Opie Jr.

-They talk about Sean Penn being labeled a snitch for allegedly telling the feds he was going to interview El Chapo at his hideout. Jim congratulates Penn on meeting El Chapo and also fucking Mexican actress Kate del Castillo. Jim and Sam don't think Penn set him up. Sam brings the topic back to the kids throwing rocks at cars. Zzzzzzzzz.

-Fast forward 2 minutes. Now at a half hour of this same topic. Sam wonders if the kids were spit brothers that promised never to rat on each other. Jim busts the balls of the screener who spelled moped wrong for a caller who wanted to talk about kid pranks. Jim says "It must be Mo Ped the babysitter." This gets a brief Uncle Paul. Sam looks at the mugshots and asks why one guy is wearing the orange jumpsuit and the others aren't. Jim thinks it's because he's older and in adult prison, Sam thinks it's because "when he threw rocks he liked to be nude, so they had to give him that to wear." (Quite an Opieriffic line that Jim just ignores.) Sam gets another bomb by saying he hopes one of the suspects named Kyle Anger comes out of prison really religious and does good for the world so they can name him St. Anger. Jim simply says "You went a long way for that." This show is like the St. Anger of radio. Jim asks if he thinks they're all going to plead to something. Sam: "Yeah, plead for their bottoms to be left alone (laughs at own joke." Ugh. 35 minutes. Fast forward.

-42 minutes in they are now going to take calls about this boring shit. Justin says his father used to throw m80s at cars, then got beaten up for a week by his father. Some other faggot says he's thrown cinder-blocks at mail trucks, but Sam doesn't believe him. A lawyer calls in to give his opinion of the charges, blah blah blah.

-47 minutes in they're on a new topic: Jim's weight gain. He says he had a double order of chicken wings and a milk shake at the Cellar last night and loved it. They're informed somebody has Cinnabuns and Sam tells Travis to "heat those motherlovers up!" Jim says he's going to have one more milk shake tonight and then go back on his permanent diet. Travis says he should start his diet back on Monday. Jim accuses them of "wanting to see me fattened back up." Sam and Travis invite Jim to go to Shake Shack with them on Saturday. Jim turns them down. They offer going on Sunday and he just says "You guys can go."

-Sam asks Jim if he cleared up his credit card problems. He says he finally got a good customer service rep who took off some security issue so he could use the credit card more.

-Jim's Uber complaints. Always riveting radio. Now featuring complaints about a Chinaman.

-They're informed that Anthony/Shitloaf is currently heating up the Cinnabuns. They keep asking staffers like Troy if they want one, then saying "We can make an arrangement!" I guess this is their Opieriffic catchphrase.

-Sam busts Shitloaf's balls for suggesting a skit between some new faggot named Nikko (sp?) and Mary Jean, but not having an idea for what it should be. Shitloaf says it should be a trivia game between them where the loser has to give the winner a lapdance.

-Sam says he was looking through an old computer and found an interview from 2010 that he did with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Sam says it's terrible, Jim asks him to bring it in for the show. Sam's main issue is that his voice sounds more nasally than it does currently.

-They're alerted that Mary Jean is on the phone asking if she can come in tomorrow instead. Sam says to tell her no because they need her today and Jim will be taking tomorrow off. She says she just woke up, but Sam said she was scheduled to be here right now, so she needs to get an Uber and come in immediately. Mary's manager the fugly Lanie who scared everybody in the background of Podacast that time is there and also not happy that Mary is trying to blow them off. Sam tells Travis to tell her he wants her without make up in her pajamas. Of course the porn whore has to say she sleeps naked. Sam tells her to put on a robe in that case. Sam asks Jim if he thinks she's really going to come, Jim says "At times I feel she is an irresponsible guest." Sam says he thinks they should stop announcing that she's coming in in case she blows them off again. Sam also had a feeling she was going to be late again, so scheduled her for 9am but has stuff planned up until 10:30. I guess like stretching out a segment about kids being arrested that should have been 10 minutes tops into 47 fucking minutes. Jim says "some people have a weird grasp of time, like they're always late." Travis goes to fetch Lanie so they can interview her. Sam talks about how he can't believe someone would wake up for something they were scheduled for 10 minutes after they were supposed to be there. Jim says he fears doing that so bought an alarm clock that's as loud as a band.

-Lanie comes in. She says Mary knew she was supposed to be there at 9 because she asked Lanie to accompany her to the show. Lanie says Mary is good about making flights on time, but is awful at coming on time to appearances and possibly Ghetto Gaggers shoots or whatever that skanky bitch does for a living. Lanie says "she was probably working late last night." Jim says "so was I, I was conductor of the laugh train" (not in a Chip voice.) Sam tells some boring story and Jim gives another corny joke. I thought they had an hour and a half of prepared material?

-They look at pictures of Mary Jean and Jimmy gets all horned up, pointing out her "nice titties" to remind us he's a heterosexual fellas. Lanie promises them Mary will make up being late to them "by quickly whipping out her titties." Sam calls Mary Jean "very special" and says he would never accept this behavior from other regular guests. Lanie says "she really is hilarious and gorgeous." Sam says she's one of his favorite Instagram follows. He invited her in today because she had a hilarious story about getting in a fight with an ex-boyfriend and some girls he wants her to tell on the air.

-Jim is getting anxious so asks that they give her a call to see if she's almost ready to come in yet. Mary says she's waiting for her Uber but thinks she can be in in 15 minutes. She said something about having to lick a guy's asshole as an apology. Jim says if she'd lick his asshole he'd get her an Uber any time she needs it. She appears to be in a good mood, so the three of them keep up the positive reinforcements to her by telling her how special she is, how great she is on the radio, and Sam asks her what she thinks it is about her that makes her so great. She thanks Sam and promises to lick everyone's asshole as an apology. Lanie asks if she was working late last night, she said she wasn't. She even went to bed early, but theorizes having the heat on last night made her extra sleepy so she didn't hear her alarm.

-They tell Lanie that Nikko is a member of NAMBLA but wants her to represent him in a gay porn career. They then plan what kind of porn he could do. They think he could shave and do a porno where his black stepfather fucks him as punishment for looking at dicks at the locker room. Lanie represents a black guy named Mo "The Monster" Johnson that for the right price would possibly do the porno with Nikko. He usually does cuck movies and Jim says he looks like an African dictator. Jim starts writing porno lines for Nikko. One of the lines is "Make me pregnant, daddy." Sam wants Nikko to want his stepfather to impregnate his mouth. Jim wants him to say "breed my white pussy, sir." Nikko tells Lanie he does like older men and definitely likes black men. They pull up pictures of white guys getting gang banged by black guys and ask his opinion on them.

-A fire alarm is going off on their floor of the building. Sam asks people to make sure it's not an actual fire. Jim says the alarm reminds him of every relationship he's ever been in. Jim then does an impression of Dr. Steve saying Black Sabbath lyrics. Lanie tells them about a girl who does fart porn she told Dr. Steve about, and he said "She should be my new best friend." Jim imagines Dr. Steve asking her to fart in his face. The best line being "Treat my face like a Woolworth's stool."

-Sam wants to talk about 90 Day Fiance whores he's talked to.

-Lanie talks about a black porn star who financially dominates guys on the side who had someone from Sirius ask about her. Jim: "Well, we know it wasn't Anthony. So was it Denny?"

-Lanie's husband was very disturbed by Mary Jean because he was at the Jim & Sam live show in February when she got drunk and started a fight with some other whore. Jim & Sam then roleplay how Nikko would come on to Lanie's husband.

-Lanie's husband was an actor on Sex & the City, so they talk about that show. Jim asks if her husband has a big penis. (Spoiler: it's alright but not big.) Jim then asks Nikko if his favorite part of the ass are the cheeks or the asshole.

-Back to roleplaying the Nikko porno. Jim asks him if he has any sexual fantasies, but he says he's done them all. They ask Shitloaf to start writing everything for this porno down. He reads the line "Lower that squat booty right on this creepy mustache, daddy" very badly. Sam thinks there should be a porno improv group. Lanie asks him if he's "a goldstar homosexual", which means he's never fucked a woman. Nikko did fuck a woman, so he isn't. They change the line to "squat down and put a little stink on my stache" which everyone likes.

-Sam says. "Everyone is running on all cylinders today. Everyone is doing a great job."

-Anthony is ready for his script to be read. "Daddy, will you do push ups over my gold star mouth?"

-Jim is looking at porn and gets worked up again about all of the nice asses. Reminder: he's heterosexual, folks. "OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHOSE ASS IS THAT! OH, THAT FAT RUMP!" All. Man.

-They show Anthony pictures of Mary Jean's ass and ask if he'd eat it. He says yes. Jim asks if he'd eat her ass if she had the flu and just shit on herself, he says he'd think about it. Sam asks Anthony if he's jealous that Mary Jean has fucked "former staffers" (ie, not Jim), and Anthony says they were very lucky. Shitloaf hopes he can be as lucky one day. Sam suggests that Anthony ask Mary Jean out on a date this weekend.

-Somebody farts and they investigate who did it. Jim swears it wasn't him, so the suspect is Anthony. Mary is still stuck in traffic. There's a little over a half hour left in the show.

-They play bad sound drops and talk about which embarrassing lines turned into drops they hate the most.

-Jim talks about his hobby of watching drug cartel videos of beheadings.

-After the break Sam asks Jim if he watched the World Series last night. Jim: "I could care less."

-The new Harvey Weinstein story about the oral rape on the girl on her period is brought up. Even Jim is disturbed by the story. "What a sexual monster." He said he'd never give oral to a woman on her period even if they were in a relationship. Sam: "These guys were OBSESSED with this sex stuff!" Sam reminds us that he cannot understand any kind of addict because "I have a totally different lifestyle" of eating chicken tendies and watching men in speedos pretend to fight all night I guess.

-Lanie turns the Weinstein talk into a plug for the XXXotica convention because Ron Jeremy had to cancel his appearance because he was mentioned by porn whores in the #metoo shit. Sam says he can't believe it because Jeremy had so many porn stars talk about what a great guy he is in the documentary made about him. Lanie thinks it's a generational thing, because millennial porn stars get angry about having their tits grabbed at conventions, whereas when she started managing in the 90s they'd just laugh it off. Lanie said she introduced a porn star to him and he just pulled her top down and licked her nipple. "I didn't make a complaint against him, because I didn't think anyone would care. But I was embarrassed." Jim hopes Ron realizes he has to change how he treats porn whores in 2017.

-They talk about some porn whore who says she was raped for real during a filming of a rape porn. No jokes, only Serious Jim talking about it.

-Mary Jean finally shows up with 28 minutes left on the show. She's excited and screaming. Mary: "You look hot, Sam!" Jim compliments her on how good she looks with no make up. Lanie asks if she ever had a bad experience with a porn actor, she said she once got so angry at one she threw her shoes at him. Jim asks if it was with George W. Bush, and Sam thanks him for making a joke from 10 years ago. Mary says what got her angry with the guy was he kept sticking his dick in her ass even though they'd previously agreed no anal. Mary: "Back then I didn't have any asshole experience." Sam: "So you hadn't met Jim Norton yet. Hi-yoooo!" Mary says all of this talk about assholes is making her horny. Sam tries to get her back on track for the story. Mary: "He wouldn't cum, so I was in overtime. In porn you can only fuck my pussy 7 hours. Not, like, 9 hours."

-Lanie tells Mary she needs to make a sex tape with Sam because it would make some real money. "Oh my god! I'd fuck him for free!" Sam said if he fucked Mary and played with her tits he'd probably only last 4 or 5 pumps, so it would be a short porno. Mary says she'd go around the bedroom and find things to put in her ass to make up the time.

-Mary asks Sam if he likes anal sex. He says he's never done anal sex. She asks if he'd ever try it. "I guess I would.....I don't really have anything against it." She asks him about having sex in different rooms of his house besides the bedroom and he hasn't done that either. Mary: "Well, please don't have sex in the bathroom because it's very dangerous. And I need you to live forever."

-They ask her about having sex with Adrian (I forget what nickname he had since I don't care about these temp job shitdicks.) Mary said he had a great dick "and his asshole was my faaaaaavvvveeee!!!" She says "I will never forget his wet little asshole. I got in seven fingers and we tried for 8." Jim says this story is "very sexy", but that he knows she'd never be able to fit 8 fingers in his anus, but he would let her try it. Mary says she's really in the mood to lick some assholes. She licked the asshole of a tall man for the first time last weekend and says "it was like being in a cave" but "coooooolllll!" Mary says the best soap to use if you want her to lick your asshole is Dove.

-Sam: "I visit your Instagram on the reg."

-They talk about a fight Mary got in with her ex-boyfriend. She said they patched things up and she celebrated by licking his asshole, letting him pee in her mouth, and also peeing inside of her ass. She says he peed in her ass because she tried to drink his piss and she started gagging, so they improvised. Jim says he hasn't had any woman pee in his mouth in a very long time, but he would let Mary do it. "I haven't done anything like that in a long time. I've gotten mellow with age. I've mellowed." Mary says having a man urinate in your asshole will really make you laugh. Sam thinks an asshole that smells like ass, piss and cum must smell like a donkey. Mary said her ass didn't smell because she went ass to mouth with him immediately. "I was like, 'WOW! My asshole tastes so good! No wonder everyone wants my ass!' I know that sounds so conceited, but I totally get it now. YUM!"

-Mary credits a talk she had with Jim after she made an ass out of herself at the J&S live show to keeping her calmer, so she hasn't been in a fight with a woman since then. "I see the world in a different way now. I'm trying to be an adult and not get myself into any legal trouble."

-Jim says something Mary said reminds him of Cassius Clay, and she doesn't know who that is. Sam tells her she is the Muhammad Ali of anal sex and she's thrilled to be called that. Sam: "I think you're getting pounded in the ass going 'I'm the greatest!'"

-Mary says some women with smelly assholes tried to stay at a boyfriend's house for a pizza party and she snapped and went over there. "All three of them were hiding in the bathroom like chicken shit." Or maybe they were cleaning their assholes to make her satisfied. "I decided to just have them kicked out. Then I got to fuck. And you see that I'm the one wearing the pants here, and not you." This is the story Sam really needed to have her on the show to tell. Mary says she was disgusted they were eating Domino's pizza for their pizza party because it's terrible pizza. "How can you even suck dick when it smells like that cheese in here?"

-After the fight with the boyfriend: "I told him to go take a shower and change the sheets. Then I had to cleanse his soul by looking at him. Then I ate his asshole."

-They bring Shitloaf in to talk to her. After saying how much fun he always has with her, he asks her to lunch. She says she can't go because she's on a diet. Sam gets angry with him for being too forward to the asshole enthusiast. Anthony tells her he'll wait until she's off her diet because he'd love to take her out. Mary Jean tells him "you'd rather have me on my diet because I won't get any shit on your dick." Jim says she needs to write "a dirty diet book."

-Mary tells Anthony if they go out she's going to want to punch his dick and asks if he thinks she's paying for the date. Some boring stuff about figure out a restaurant, blah blah blah. She becomes nicer to him when she finds out he's a producer and not an intern. They settle on a steakhouse, but then Shitloaf said he's going to need to check his bank account balance first. Jim gets angry with him because he spends a lot of money gambling on football but doesn't want to spent $200 on "a hot porn star." Mary then keeps saying "Not just a hot porn star....meeeeeeeeeee!" Mary gives him advice, saying "You won't get a girl to open her legs for you just going to Olive Garden. And I guess you don't want to pee in my asshole." Shitloaf tells her he'll definitely take her to Del Friscoes. Mary then tells him if the date goes good she wants to take a steak shit on his dick. Mary isn't just a porn whore, she also works at a beauty salon since asshole eating isn't paying the bills, so she says she'll call in late to go to the date with Anthony. Jim and Sam do a bit encouraging her to spend as much money as possible on the bill because they know Shitloaf is broke.

-Jim gives the two minute warning that the show is almost over, but Mary Jean promises to come back soon. She plugs some porn whore convention in Edison, NJ she'll be appearing at for three days (November 3-5 if you want to go to ask about assholes.) Jim says he may go to the convention one of those days.

-Mary Jean asks if she can fill in for Jim tomorrow. Sam says no because he wants to wait for her to come back when Jim is in to talk about the date with Shiftloaf. They work out that she can be back in Friday. Jim says he wants Mary to sleep over at his house Thursday night so he can be sure to get her up on time to make it to the show (and not fuck her.) They decide against it because they'd probably end up talking about the bit and Jim really wants to hear it on air first.

-Plugs and it's over.