He's like a human roach following a nuclear winter

That roach is ugly as a mu'ug too.

intern

because he could work controls, and stuck around long enough, doesnt make him funny or anything, right? I dont get how this happened.

You pretty much figured everything out.

Sucking Opie's titties for a decade

Started out as an intern then various producer roles. He brought some funny shit to the show like jocktober and random staff fights/gossip. Basically a shit stirrer. He did the after show for a while. Then his own night show. Then the channel fell apart and he got a cohost chair. Now sam thinks hes interesting enough to hold the attention of an audience but hes much better in small doses.

Sam has the job because Jim is boring on his own. Sam started out at the bottom and now probably makes a tenth of what they were paying the Opester. They needed a "radio guy" - Sam was available and relatively cheap, and he probably looks at it as his springboard into a WWE gig.

The show will probably last 2-3 years more and all of the visitors to this fine sub will likely be dead, so no one will be around to shit on the next show that Sirius puts out.

Sam sent Anthony's tweets to Gawker in hopes of taking his job, but Opie decided an empty chair was better than Sam as a host. He realized his only shot at being a co-host was for Jim to split with Opie, so he helped drive a wedge between them by gossiping with Jim non-stop. How do I know this? Because I made it all up.

Sam is a staunch devotee of the Hughes method of broadcasting.

You nailed it, but being lazy and untalented doesn't count against him. He is part of SxM's diversity program as a 'half-breed' (Sam's words not mine).

sam gave me the impression that he's very good at office politics and extremely opportunistic. if how he acted on air was any indication to how he is behind the scenes than he's good at making other people look bad and even better at deflecting negativity from himself. he would do shows and get on air any opportunity he got. before the main show, after the main show, shows on saturday and sunday night when you know not a single person cared to listen. he used bits like jocktober and scorch to pretty much be the fourth mic for an hour a show. he even did a pop music countdown on another channel, and tried to get a celebrity gossip show or some shit. he was always ingratiating himself as on air talent which ultimately paid off when jim needed a new partner. he would've just as easily teamed up with opie if he asked sam first. he's an ambitious guy. not in a good way but in like a wormy office cunt kind of way.

Sam started as a spore. the spore entered ants body first,killing him then moved into opies body. then erocks. he's gestating in jims chest and is about to burst out. soon he will be the only living "thing" at Sirius.